


Running to Stand Still

by 1lostone



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Death of minor character, F/M, First Time, M/M, POV First Person, Rough Sex, logan is not a very socially acceptable dude, mind control-kind of?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-12 09:07:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 57,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2103801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lostone/pseuds/1lostone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post X3 (AU). A "cured" Marie sits in her room, listening to the half-insane howls that split the quiet night. She doesn't know the whole story of what happened that night, but she knows that Logan is hurt and being kept locked up in the mansion for the students' protection. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) her one-woman rescue mission starts a chain of events that she never could have imagined. Between the voices in her head and the fact that someone seems to want her dead, the only thing she can do is run.</p><p> <br/><strike><br/>xposted to WRFA (http://www.wolverineandrogue.com/wrfa/viewstory.php?sid=4126)</strike>  Well, I tried that. It kept eating chapters so I said 'fuck it' and deleted it lol. Sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Het, slash. More Rogan then Cherik but if either one of those isn't your thing then feel free to skip the bow chika wow parts. Angst, Hurt/Comfort, More Angst- It's the OTHER WHITE MEAT AND I LOVE IT. Also a lot of sex, duh.
> 
> Thanks to Jen for the look-through. This is unbeta'd, so feel free to point out any issues. This is my first fic in this fandom, so be gentle. After a conversation with Jen, I asked myself, "What would happen if XMFC-Charles was stuck with Logan and Erik in Marie's head?...." and this is what I came up with. 
> 
> In all fairness, I have not written on this fic in awhile, but with the new movie I dusted off some ideas. I don't write quickly, so if you don't like WIPs then you might want to just add it to your alerts and wait until it's done. :)
> 
> Title is from a U2 Song. Not a songfic- I just thought the title worked.

* * *

  


 

It wasn’t so much that it was a clusterfuck, it was just that the clusterfuck was so... utterly  _fucked_ that it was almost beyond comprehension.  The scent of sadness  hung over the mansion like some weird kind of perfume.  I’d waited until I knew that Ororo was busy. It wasn’t hard, and I can’t say that I’m very proud of myself, but I purposefully waited until she was helping one of the younger girls with a nightmare before stealing out of my room.

 

I tended to tiptoe around ‘Ro after they got back. We all did, really.  Bobby, the Nightcrawler and Kitty had thrown themselves into the day to day aspects of running the school with everything that they had so that they wouldn’t have think about it.  Hank had been in and out of the mansion, discussing something grave with ‘Ro before heading back out. Hell, even Jubilee had found something to do to keep her mind off of everything that had happened on that goddamn island.

 

I heard it again, the sound causing every hair on my body to raise up. I froze, swallowing hard.  A howl, mournful and full of pain. Guilt was like another layer of skin, pressing down on me so hard that I almost couldn’t stand it.

 

_At the risk of sounding as though I am acting in my own self-interest, I really must advise you against this, mein kind. You do not know ---_

 

 _Shut up. And I’m not your child._  I frowned, imagining Erik with a plastic ball gag tightening around his chiseled cheeks. It freaked me the fuck out the first time I ‘saw’ him in my head. Instead of the geriatric helmet-toting bastard who had strapped me into that damn machine without even a flicker of remorse, a tall, lean man at least forty years Magneto’s junior sat lotus-style in my mind. He rolled his eyes, miming that I should go ahead.

 

I had refused to let the bindings on Logan’s room lapse. If ever there was a place that I didn’t need to be distracted with thoughts of him, this was it.  When he’s in my mind, it’s like a never-ending commentary. He’s gruff and sarcastic and yeah, obviously I’m rather fond of him.  But when I’m about to do something so epically stupid that even Erik fucking Lensherr feels that he needs to interject, it would be better if Logan didn’t know about it.  He’s pretty protective. Okay, so that’s a bit of an understatement.

 

I snuck out of my room, feeling like a thief as I avoided the squeaky floorboards near the first stair. This mansion had been my home for over five years, ever since I woke up after Scott and Jean saved my ass in Canada and I knew its secrets very well.  After the howl, the house had gone eerily silent.  I shivered and continued down the next flight of stairs, going back through the kitchen to the service elevator.  My feet were bare on the cold floor as I walked slowly down to the sub-levels.  I had traded my nightgowns for pajama pants and an old shirt of Logan’s that I’d stolen a few years ago and never gave back. It hung down almost to my knees, but I could still pretend that it smelled like him. It was a cold comfort.

 

 _Listen here, you crazy little bitch. You don’t know what the fuck is going on.  You don’t owe anybody anything.  What exactly is the plan, here? You can’t even defend yourself!_  Carol’s voice was as pissed off as I had ever heard it.

 

_I know._

 

The joke had been on me. I had felt pretty damn low after attempting to sneak out to go get the cure. My head was kind of fucked up.  My heart was like this tattered, bedraggled thing left forgotten on the rug. Between wanting so desperately to be normal and being both terrified and grateful that Logan had found me before I melted into the night, my adamant desire to take the cure had wavered somewhat. It wasn’t that I was doing this for ‘some boy,’ as Logan had accused me of.  Really. I mean, that was part of it of course, but no. Not the only reason.  It was just that then, listening to him tell me that he wasn’t my father, and hearing the worry in his voice made me wonder just what the hell I was doing.

 

I’d wondered what the hell I was doing as I waited in line. I’d wondered even while they were injecting me with the needle, the voices in my head clamoring for me to  _get up go run don’t do this Damnit Marie, NO!_   Then had been a creeping, crawling pain as the cure killed my mutation. I had shut my eyes, trying to keep the tears back.  The human had directed me, staggering,  to a cot and told me that it would probably be a few hours before I was ready to leave.  It had been ten minutes before my skin quit burning. I had vomited, unable to stand the sensation of knives sliding into my skin, of acid eating off my flesh. It took me an hour before a very tentative   _Kid? You.. okay?_  had sent my eyes popping open in shock. I had actually looked around, thinking that Logan was standing next to my cot.

 

It turns out that the cure had taken away my mutation, including all the mutations that I had absorbed, but had left my ‘visitors.’

 

Ain’t that a kick in the head?  Yeah. I thought so too.

 

So yeah. Carol was right. This was probably not one of my brighter ideas. But... I couldn’t help myself. 

 

After slinking back to Westchester and into my room, I’d sat there, staring off into space as I’d realized that I wasn’t completely sure that I had a place here anymore.  I’d fallen asleep and woken late, just as exhausted as when I had lay down. 

 

I heard the same whispers as everyone else.  He’d gone insane. He’d been incinerated by the Phoenix’s power over and over and over so that when his healing ability had kicked in, it had done so at risk to his sanity. He’d been unconscious after they had found him, still clutching Jean’s bloody body to his chest.  When he’d woken, he’d hurt ‘Ro, and it had taken the strength of several of the X-men to hold him down. Hank, with his arm dangling from where he had crashed awkwardly through two concrete walls after Logan had thrown him off in his rage had, in desperation, injected Logan with the cure. That’s when things had really gotten fucked up.

 

I’d heard Bobby whispering to Kitty as I stood rigidly in the hall, half-hiding behind a vase as he told her  what had happened.  From there, we didn’t know much.  Hank had been heard muttering about security under his breath.  ‘Ro had reprogrammed the panic room, needing someplace secure to keep the Wolverine before he killed someone.

 

Well, someone  _else._

 

So here I was. Standing in front of an unassuming door across from what had been the panic room of the mansion.  The door hinges squeaked as I pushed open the solid-looking door.  It was a small room. Three monitors showed several different angles.  The images were the surreal-looking green of a nightvision camera. There were cameras situated behind several layers of bullet-proof (and presumably Wolverine-proof) glass, high into the ceiling, so point of the views were from up above. One was right over the white mattress on the floor.  There was a tattered looking blanket on the floor next to it.  The panic room had been built with a toilet facility, and thankfully that room had no cameras. Just a skewered looking door that was half off of its hinges, showing a cockeyed glimpse of a stainless steel toilet. The last camera must have been built into the floor. It showed a worm’s eye view of the front of the room.

 

Logan was curled in the darkest, furthest corner. I couldn’t see him clearly on the monitors. I could, however see the small bits off glass that showed he’d destroyed the fluorescent lights in order to leave himself in darkness.

 

A low growling filled the room, bleeding over the speakers situated under the desk.  The sound made the hair on my arms rise and I swallowed hard, something clicking deep in my throat.  was uncomfortably aware that my breathing had sped up.  A light sweat broke out on my body, and I stood there for a moment, trying to summon up the courage to continue.

 

They were so afraid of the Wolverine that they had imprisoned him in this cage. I understand their fear.  On some level, I agreed with a need to take precautions.  But I’d shared Logan’s dreams for the better part of five years.  I  _knew_  how often he still dreamed of what had been done to him. Of when he had been locked up in a room that looked quite a bit like this one.   I couldn’t leave him like this.

 

I took a deep breath and located the locking mechanism. I knew that I wouldn’t have much time at all. If I was going to do this, I knew it had to be quick.

 

_Please, Rogue. This is suicide. I beg of you...._

 

I was concentrating so hard that I wasn’t sure whose voice it was that pleaded with me.  For a second I actually thought it was the Professor, before I remembered and was almost crushed by the weight of knowing he was gone.  We’d gone from heartbreak to heartbreak in the space of a few months. I understood that. But that didn’t give them the right to lock Logan up like this. Not after they had begged him, reminded him that he was the only one who had a chance of surviving the Dark Phoenix long enough to have a chance of ending her psychotic reign of terror.

 

I forced myself to take the first step. The second was easier and the third brought me to the door. I’d been trained as one of the X-Men, so I knew my reflexes were up to the task, but still when the beep of the lock disengaging sounded, I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster in my life.  I was inside and the door was locking itself behind me before I could quite catch my breath.

 

The growl turned even more feral, and from the darkness I saw a blur of movement. There was a startled  _Oh, shit!_  from the peanut gallery in my head  then I only had time to scream the first syllable of his name before the feel of cold adamantium was pressed against my throat, silencing me instantly.  I felt one tip slide neatly into my flesh and choked off the rest of his name, gasping. I pressed myself up against the back of the door, trying to keep as far away from  the killer in front of me as I could.

 

There was another growl, low and full of warning before the blade retreated back into his hand with the familiar  _snikt_  that I still occasionally heard in my dreams.  It was the second time he had stabbed me, only this time I couldn’t see his face to see if he recognized me.  I couldn’t use my mutation to heal the small cut in the very center of my throat.  Logan was giving off so much heat that I felt my sleep shirt sticking damply to my torso from just his proximity. 

 

The growling stopped abruptly, and I blinked in the darkness, hoping that my eyes would adjust before my heart beat itself out of my chest.  I felt more than saw him move closer to me and heard him sniffing. His nose rubbed against where my neck met my shoulder and I jumped. He sniffed again, and again, moving from my collar bone and brushing against the softness of my breast before burying his nose in my armpit and inhaling deeply.  Yeah, okay that was fucking weird, but when he sniffed down my side, clearly moving towards my crotch I jerked away from him, practically phasing into the door so hard that I could feel the gouges he’d made in his anger digging into my back.

 

He made a distressed whine and to my shock, his hands came up to cradle my face. I had half a second to relax into his heated touch before I felt his tongue lapping at the wound on my throat, the whining taking on a slightly more frantic cadence.

 

“Logan? Shu-- Sugah?” Very, very slowly I brought up my arm to brush my hand against his sweaty tangle of hair.  My voice sounded like I hadn’t used it in ages.

 

My whole body froze again at the feel of the very tip his wet tongue against me, tracing the small wound.   I don’t know what I would have said, because at that minute I heard the sound of feedback.  Logan flinched, turning away from me and growling deep in his throat.  I knew my eyes had to have been bugging out, but when my boyfriend's furious voice echoed over the slightly damaged speaker, I felt more like a dog who had done its business on the rug than a grown woman and member of the team.

 

“Rogue, what the  _fuck_  do you think you’re doing?”  Bobby’s snarl would have done Logan proud.  I felt his grip tighten on my arm, and he was bounding across the room, back to his darker corner, dragging me along behind him like a string on a kite.  Logan pressed me into the corner and moved so that he was in front of me, crouching down low.

 

He was naked.  I don’t know why that of all things would startle me so much but it did.  That was a lot of wet, overheated male pressed against the thin cotton of my sleepwear.

 

“Rogue!” ‘Ro’s voice sounded just as shocked. Logan... no. It was definitely the Wolverine’s growl that warned them off. My blood ran cold, and I was seriously fucking glad that there were at least five feet of solid metal between us and the people outside.

 

“I.. uh...” I felt the small of his back pressing against my hip as he protected me from the perceived threat with his body.   “I’m fine. Just... hush up for a second, will ya?”

 

I heard the two of them arguing over the loudspeaker. Bobby was angry that ‘Ro wanted to send him away.  Logan’s claws slid out and I could hear him in his ire sliding the tips of them against the floor, leaving little sparks in his wake as the two argued. At this point I seriously had doubts that Logan wasn’t about to lift his leg and piss on me.

 

“Could y’all just shut up? ‘Ro, I’m sorry that I snuck in here, but I couldn’t just leave him in the dark like this.  Just... trust me, okay? I know I can do this.” I heard the huff of her frustrated breath quite clearly.  “And Bobby, Sugah, please. I’m fine. I don’t need rescuin’. Just.. go back to bed.”

 

“Rogue, you can’t be serious! Look, just get by the door and I can unlock...”

 

Logan went deadly still, his whole body tensing.  I grabbed without thinking about it, hanging on for dear life, almost losing my balance as I grabbed Logan’s hip and shoulder to try to keep him in place.  I could feel his heartbeat racing under my cheek as I pressed it into his back.

 

“Damnit, Bobby! For fuck’s sake, quit saying my name!  ‘Ro... _please!_ ” I knew my voice was cracked with desperation, but I had to stop this from escalating somehow. My hands slid against the sweatslick smoothness of Logan’s muscles as I clutched at him, but was too scared to notice the sensation. Normally, I would be petrified to touch someone’s skin. Now I was petrified not to.

 

“Okay. I’ll check in tomorrow.  We  _will_ discuss this when you are done.”

 

“‘’Preciate that,” I muttered, watching Logan as he popped and sheathed his claws, over and over, still growling deeply at the ceiling. There was the sound of feedback again while ‘Ro shut it down. For a second I was furious that they’d put him in here like an animal at a zoo.  Logan must have smelled my anger, because I could feel him turning slightly, easing down from his protective crouch.

 

There was a clank and a very small-watted lightbulb hummed on, causing me to blink.  Logan’s muscles tensed as he began to leap, the sound of his claws scraping against the floor.  I remembered the glass from the fluorescents and hugged him to me, hard.  “No, Logan. Please... I’d like a little light. Not all of us have your damn super sight.”  I patted at his shoulder, easing my somewhat desperate grip once he relaxed the smallest amount. Logan turned and sniffed at me again, pressing me into the corner with the bulk (and boy do I mean bulk!) of his body.  I lost my grip on his back and landed on my butt with my back to the wall. I know I squeaked a little at the feel of his nose pressed deep into my neck again, but when he just stayed there, breathing in my scent, I felt like I had won something. Tentatively, I brought my hand up to his hair again, stroking my fingers through it along his scalp, waiting for my heartbeat to return to something along the lines of normal.

 

It had been a gamble. Logan always told me that I had good instincts, and that I should trust them more. It had been that more than anything else that had me believing that I’d be okay with this feral version of Logan.  When it came right down to it, I  _trusted_ Logan. I trusted that he would never hurt me.

 

_Still, this was foolhardy in the extreme.  He is not in control of himself, Rogue. You could have been seriously injured._

 

My eyes popped open.  Logan had pulled away from my neck and was lightly touching the small mark on my neck. It had stopped bleeding, but was still tender enough that I flinched.  “Professor?”  I whispered, shocked.  There was no mistaking those smooth, cultured tones.

 

_Charles?_

 

_Erik?_

  
_Jeee--sus._

_Look, guys, can we have the Mousketeer roll call at another time? Professor, what on..._   _earth are you doin’ in my head?_  Logan was rumbling in his chest again, only this time the sound was content, almost like a purr. I squeaked again when he lurched forward, balancing himself on the balls of his feet and swung me up into his arms.  He rubbed his face against the top of my head, his muttonchops softer than I thought they would be. I felt a little like a bride on her wedding day as Logan put me gently on the mattress, curling up with me so that he was still between me and the door. 

 

_The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated._

 

I groaned, rolling my eyes.  I had the impression of Erik standing stock-still, frozen into place as he stared at the other man walking closer. 

 

_I have always wished to say that. Forgive me old friend, Rogue._

 

It had always been a little weird to describe what goes on in my mind to other people. Some of the people I had touched had faded over time. David and a trucker who had gotten a little too friendly with me when I hitched a ride with him were only faint whispers. Some of them I kept buried under lock and key- such as the case with Logan.  But other times, other personalities pretty much had free reign.  The Professor had always told me that I had the power to rid my mind of those that I didn’t want.  He never expressly mentioned Erik’s name, but he had to have known that I was hosting him in my head.   Carol was really the only presence that hurt. She was always so angry. The Professor had helped me control her personality. Her anger and the sickness in her mind had to be purged.  It had taken months and months of intense work that had often left me with a pounding headache, but now she appeared only as a voice.  I never ‘saw’ her in my mind as I did Logan and Erik. 

 

_Charles._

 

Erik barely breathed out the word, restraining himself by the barest of margins. The calm pose he’d adopted melted away. I could feel that he wanted to both step forward and shrink back. My Logan, the real Logan, looked as though he was ready to curl up for the night. We were tangled together like lovers, with me stroking his hair and him gradually calming down.  I highly doubted that he would ever relax enough to go to sleep, but for now the fact that he wasn’t displaying the murderous rage he’d previously been sporting was enough to calm me down. I actually felt a little sleepy, now that I knew he was alive and (relatively) okay.

 

_Your adrenaline has spent itself. Your Wolverine can smell that you mean him no harm and appears comforted by your presence. You are very good for him, Rogue._

 

It was the Professor. Younger, walking, dressed in jeans of all things, but there was no mistaking his presence in my mind. 

 

He must have felt my shock, because I saw him wince.  _I’m afraid that I have not been completely forthright with you my dear. It is true. My former body was destroyed by Jean’s Phoenix. I am, in that sense dead. But... as you can see....._  He spread out his hands, a very small smirk on his face.  I was struck by the bright, smiling blue eyes and the dark shock of wavy brown hair that bounced a little as he walked forward.

 

And whoa, yum. He was kind of hot.

 

Neither Erik nor either of the two Logans  liked my last little thought.  Erik sent a sharp jab in a small, private corner of my mind, like a shock. I heard the Logan inside my head mutter under his breath, but fortunately it was indistinct enough that I couldn’t quite hear what he said. The Logan in front of me tensed again, every muscle of his becoming rigid as he sniffed at me again. I blushed when I realized that he could smell the spark of desire in the wayward thought.

 

Well that was just fucking humiliating.

 

I lost track of the conversation in my head as the two of them purposefully tuned me out. Which was fine. I suddenly had a lot to deal with. Logan went from drowsy and content to tense and unhappy in the space of heartbeats. His face, which had been nuzzling against my throat and neck, suddenly trailed down over my cotton-covered breasts.  I froze, utterly shocked. No one had ever touched them before. Certainly never a man, and certainly never a  _naked_ man. I hadn’t let Bobby get close enough for that. For awhile it had been fun to tease him with the low-cut tops, knowing that he would never want to touch me.  I mean, who would? Then we had started dating, and it had just seemed cruel to put all that on display when I would hurt him if he accidentally touched my skin.

 

Now that the cure had rendered me harmless, my skin seemed to light up at the way Logan slid his face against me.  I could feel the muscles of his cheek, and the wiry hair on his face as he breathed against me. I felt my nipples harden and pushed a little at his shoulders, appalled at myself.

 

Logan responded by pressing his open mouth against the side of my breast and breathing. I could feel the sharp press of his teeth against me through the thin shirt and couldn’t control the burst of heat low in my belly. It was Logan’s turn to freeze above me, and I stared at him in the very dim light of the room, looking for something that was my Logan in there. The hazel eyes were the same, his hair still came up to the little points that I found both hilarious and adorable. I could see his nostrils flare and strangely, knowing he could smell my want made it sharper.

 

“Logan?” My shaking hand came up to touch his lips. For a second I thought I saw my Logan (Well, no not  _my_ Logan. He was never mine in this way.) flicker behind the dark gaze. Then he shifted his hips and I could feel the press of his penis against my hip as he hardened in response to my own obvious want. His hand slid down to cup me and I bucked up, gasping. My hand slid down to his, pressing  his fingers deeper against me, then Logan was moving and I had trouble keeping track of what was going on.

 

I knew he ripped off my sleep pants. Logan rolled me, pressing against my back so every part of me touched every part of him. I felt his mouth against the back of my shoulder and stifled a gasp when he bit down lightly, pulling my hips back to his. It was hard not to be a little afraid of the feel of him behind me, hard and insistent as he slid against the globes of my butt, but his fingers still cupped me and his other hand was up under my shirt, cupping my breast. The palm of his hand felt amazing when he rubbed it against my nipple, his touch sending my hips bucking so that I pressed against his hand. I felt his tongue sliding against the back of my neck, tasting my skin and I moaned, overwhelmed at the feeling.  Every place he touched seemed to burn. I was suddenly greedy for the feel of his skin next to mine and it was easy enough to brush aside the small niggle of worry that this Logan wasn’t really mine.  He’d been brought to this state by his love for someone else, and this really wasn’t very fair to... oh.   _“Oh... “_

 

His finger slid against my slit, dipping inside of me. I groaned again bucking against the finger as he slid it out slightly, only to plunge it back in. I was so wet that I could feel the way my own slickness dripped down my leg as Logan twisted against me again, rumbling deep in his chest.  The hand on my breast tightened, his fingers pulling lightly at my pebbled nipple. “Logan... I... oh sugah, I...” His finger twisted slightly so that his knuckle pressed against my clit, and suddenly I was the one turning, pressing my butt against Logan. The head of him nudged against me from behind and I lost my train of thought, shivering and gasping for breath that had suddenly seemed too hard to drag in.  I could smell us, and even that was incredibly erotic. I could almost taste the bite of his sweat in small, confined space mixing with my own musky scents.  He pushed forward with his hips, moving me so that I was sprawled on my knees, pressing against the mattress and the wall with my hands for balance. I could feel my own sex pull at him as the head of his penis slid slowly inside my hot, wet channel and I moaned something that was my pleasure and his name and a plea all at once. 

 

I felt him stop when he felt the barrier of my innocence.  I thought I heard a confused, “Marie?” breathed against the side of my neck, sending my own body writhing against his.  I must have imagined it, because with a low, deep growl that was pure animal, I felt a sharp pull against my nipple and clit and he shoved into me fully, pulling me back on him.

 

It hurt. Not a sharp pain hurt, but the feeling of a muscle stretched a little too far. I couldn't help the wince.

 

I froze again, my eyes wide in the almost dark room. Suddenly the reality of what I was doing slammed into me and I gasped, horrified at myself.  Was I.. taking advantage of him?  Sure I’d felt.. things for him. Things I’d tried to bury deep inside of me.  I knew that he didn’t think of  me this way, but everything was just going too fast and it just felt so good and .. I didn’t want to stop. My hair was a sweaty tangle as it hung over my head. Logan whined again, brushing his lips softly against my neck. I felt Logan move his hands, sliding them over my breasts, my stomach and sides, soothing me, petting like you would a tense cat.  After a few heartbeats, I tentatively tried squeezing my inner muscles and was rewarded with a groan as he slid back out, only to press in again. The heat that pulled at me spiked, and I knew that I was digging my nails into his forearm as he pulled my hips back, thrusting into me.  My whole body was trembling. I could feel his muscles, tensed under his skin, the drag of his body hair, the slide of his sweat against me and reveled in it. I knew that I craved touch, but I hadn’t ever let myself think about  _his_  touch. Not at this level. Well, not consciously. 

 

He stretched me open, moving so that I was less on my knees and more straddling his thighs as he thrust up into me. The angle made me scream his name and I felt myself tensing, so close to the edge of.. _something_ that I tasted blood when I bit my lip.  He wasn't the only one gone animalistic in this moment. I wanted what his body promised.  Logan growled again at the scent of my blood and I felt his teeth on the back of my neck, pressing against the top vertebra. He bit hard and I came, sobbing his name, shuddering so hard that I would have slithered out of his arms if he hadn’t been holding me so tightly. I felt the hot spurt of his own release inside me before I was overwhelmed again, slipping into unconsciousness with something very like gratitude.

 

When I woke, it was with a wince. I work out a lot. I exercise regularly and train even more regularly. But muscles I didn’t even know I had were protesting their hard use. I heard a soft snore besides me and came completely awake with a start, eyes wide in the darkness.  Logan’s arm was wrapped around me, and It took some doing to extract myself without waking him up.  It was that more than anything else that told me he was ‘back.’  No way on earth would I have been able to get out of that bed with the more feral version of Logan I had been with last night.  Now, he was just an exhausted man sleeping the sleep of the dead. Still, I moved cautiously, wincing again when I stood up. I’d already tested Fate once and wasn’t sure the stuck-up bitch would be so kind to me next time.

 

Holy fucking _ow_. I chanced a look back at the sleeping man behind me and felt my face flood with color.  Logan was frowning slightly in his sleep, curled so that he was on his side. I could see him, all of him, and the blush went nuclear when I saw the faint traces of blood and semen on his... wow. I had _that_ inside of me?

 

I turned so quickly that I stumbled, not surprised that the door was very slightly cracked open.  I felt ashamed at the idea that one of the others had seen me like this, but forced my chin up.  They had locked him up like an animal. I had brought him out of it.  The rest wasn’t any of their goddamn business.

 

‘Ro stood there with a robe and a carefully blank face. “Are you... alright?”

 

“Fine.”  I didn’t bother to force a smile.  “I’m fine, ‘Ro.” The actuality of what I had just done was starting to bleed into my consciousness and panic was beginning to blossom.  I wanted to be far, far away from here when it did. I’d never done a walk of shame before.  Figuring in the fact that the guy I’d just slept with was completely in love with someone else, who not so incidentally had just died at his hand, and that pretty much promised a freak-out of epic proportions.

 

 _Really my dear, running away will not solve all of your problems._ Erik sounded cautious.  It was strange to hear the great Magneto with that note in his voice.  It was almost like I was standing under a huge, neon sign that flashed ‘Distraught Female. Handle with Extreme Caution.’

 

_Shut up. It will solve this one._

 

 _Erik, my friend ...I_ hardly _think that you are the one to be cautioning anyone against running away._  I saw a brief flash of the bright Cuban sun, felt the grit of sand as I looked up into Erik’s horrified blue eyes.  I had to shake my head.  The Professor’s memory was much sharper than any of the mutants whose personalities I had absorbed had been. Instead of watching it, it was like I was in it.

 

I heard Erik’s hiss at the same time I rolled my eyes.  “Shut. UP.” I muttered, not so under my breath.  My bare feet were cold as I walked to the elevator, my body exhausted and sore as I made my way to my room.  I wanted a shower.  I wanted to get the hell out of here before Logan woke up and realized what I had done.  Oh Jesus. He would be furious . Logan wasn’t good with duplicity, and I had. Oh.  _God._  He was in love with Jean and I....

 

On second thought, the shower could wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2- Logan**

I came awake all at once, claws extended. I rocked up onto my knees, senses alert as I scented the air around me.  I shook my head, twice as though to clear it.

Impossible.  

I could still taste her on my tongue. I smelled Marie on the bed, in the very air.  On my body. The stink of sex, of blood, of Marie and I popped my claws, slicing at the mattress on which I lay. Little bits of fuzz and mattress foam hung in the air for a minute before drifting back down onto the ruined mattress.

What the  _fuck_?  

My heartrate was going through the fuckin’ roof. I couldn’t seem to equate what my senses were telling me with anything that could even resemble reality. I rolled off the bed, glaring down at the small reddish-brown stain on the mattress.  I felt sticky, almost languid after the way I did after really good sex. I glanced down at myself and flinched, my stomach churning. 

I wanted to be sick.

More details came to me. A pair of flannel sleep pants were torn off and crumpled in the corner.  I tried to force my brain to remember something, anything from last night and all I could come up with was the extremely confusing image of one of my claws slicing into Marie’s throat, her huge brown eyes even wider as she stared up at me in fear.

“Logan?”

I whirled, snarling a little.  The Furball stood there staring at me, a strange kind of understanding on his face. His huge arm was in a sling, but otherwise he looked completely normal.  His whole countenance was non-threatening. He practically projected calmness and understanding.

“Logan, I know that you are dreadfully confused. And I am so sorry. I promise that I will explain everything.”

“Where’s Marie?”  My voice is gruff. I retract my claws and walk towards the Beast. He doesn’t flinch at my approach. It’s like he trusts me, or some shit.

He shouldn’t.

“Marie is fine. Please do not concern yourse--”

“Look, bub.  I can still smell how much I hurt her. Save your bullshit for later.  Tell me where she is...  _now_!” I can hear the growl in my voice, but the Beast doesn’t flinch. If anything he looks more worried than ever.

“I will expl--”  I rush him, furious at the fact that he won’t tell me what I want so desperately to know.   When he drops me on my ass it surprises me so much that I’m stunned. Not hurt, but I lost my breath when I hit the metal floor. I got so used to seeing the Beast as some great gentle giant that I forgot that he had twice my strength.  He came over to me and offered his good arm, pulling me up.  “I understand your frustration. I know that you are confused.  I promise to you that Marie is not physically hurt. Oh my stars and garters, there is so much to tell you.”

I blinked. Not physically hurt?  _Physically?_   What the fuck did that mean?  Still, I knew that if I just calmed down for a bit I would have some answers.  It was hard. It went against every single one of my instincts to breathe through the panic and actually listen to him.

“Fine.”

There was a subtle shift and it was suddenly more Hank than the Beast. He pushed the small gold glasses up onto his nose and nodded. “Follow me.”  I could smell that Marie had walked this same way. There were other scents: ‘Ro and Bobby’s chief among them. I wasn’t aware that I was growling deep in my throat again when Marie’s scent went off towards the elevators, and Hank’s hand came up onto my elbow to steer me towards the medbay. “The shower is through there. I placed some sweats at hand for you.  I will see to a meal, and then will explain everything.”

“Not really hungry, Furball.” My stomach still felt nauseous. I walked to the shower, still breathing in the not-so-subtle scents of Marie and sex.  I felt disgusted with myself.  For some reason I’d gone all Wolverine on her. I knew that the sex had probably been brutal, and scary and Jesus fucking Christ I really was an animal.  She’d been a virgin and I...I shook my head again, fighting the bile in my throat. The shower felt good. For some reason my head ached, and the steam seemed to help clear it. I soaped down, still trying to remember what the actual fuck had happened, but my memory was being its usual stubborn self. 

I’d gone from stabbing Jean to... to waking up in that room. There were a few other flashes: holding Marie at clawpoint, snarling at a Storm whose eyes had gone silver, feeling a cold satisfaction at the small trickle of blood that trickled from her mouth. Then a sharp pain and... nothing.

I shut the water off and stood there.  Hank had said that nothing was physically wrong with Marie. Physically. For some reason that word kept resonating with me.  I knew just about better than anyone how much emotional wounds could hurt.  Had I... raped her? The flash of memory would seem to suggest yes.  And that’s where my brain just sort of fizzled out. I blinked the water out of my eyes and shook my head to rid myself of the excess water.  I’d been protecting the kid for so long that I couldn’t actually imagine a situation where I wouldn’t put her safety first.  The flash of her wide, frightened eyes swam up before me again, and I just barely made it to the toilet, vomiting up  what felt like everything I’d ever eaten.

Hank’s claws skittered against the door as he handed me a towel.  I cleaned up, brushing my teeth and dressing in the sweats he’d provided for me.  I couldn’t quite meet his steady gaze as I followed him to his desk.  I did grunt appreciatively at the coffee he left for me, though.

“Okay, bub. So what the fuck happened?”

“What is the last thing that you remember?”

Jean’s face flashed before me. I could see those dark, fathomless eyes, empty of everything but fire, of the pleasure the Phoenix took in destruction. I remembered the incredible heat as I forced myself closer and closer to her, the tug of my mind as whatever was left of Jeannie begged me to kill her, to end this. “Killing her.”

“It, Logan. Jean Grey was dead as soon as the Phoenix took over her psyche. There might have been bits and pieces left over that reminded us of our friend, but....”

I clutched the coffee cup so hard that I heard the ceramic give a crack. Prudently, I finished the rest of my coffee.

Hank sighed.  “We can discuss that later.  From what scans I was able to do, and from what I am able to piece together, you had significant ... pulls placed on your mind. I won’t call them mind control, since they were far less powerful than that, but they were there and strong enough that the Phoenix was able to use them to... nudge your behavior. Mind suggestions...perhaps.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, Logan. Not so.”  ‘Ro’s calm voice startled me. I had been so attuned to the furball’s explanation that I didn’t notice her entrance. I could smell a faint trace of Marie on her and my nostrils flared.  I jumped up, pacing, unable to sit still. She held out a calming hand, but I was anything but calm. It fucking killed me to keep quiet, to not snarl my frustration at how slowly they were explaining things.  “We believe that the sudden cessation of those mental pathways, along with the trauma brought on by the Phoenix's destruction of your body caused your completely feral state.”

I blinked at her, pausing in my pacing.  My heartrate started to beat a little more quickly. No fucking way was anything ‘Ro or Hank was about to say gonna be anything but bad news.

“During our last mission, you found yourself acting… oddly. Perhaps easier to anger? More aggressive than usual?”  Hank looked at me over the tops of his glasses.  I shrugged.  Who gave a shit? What did that have to do with anything?

“Maybe.”

“We believe that Jean must have… subverted you somehow.  Tell me, had she ever been able to use telepathy against you?” I jerked my head in a nod. “Her power was phenomenal, as you are aware.  The idea that the Professor had to cull her telepathy from when she was a child…” Hank shook his head, signing. “Jean’s mind was, as I said, awesome in her powers.” Hank’s gaze zeroed in over my shoulder to ‘Ro’s steady gaze. “She was an Omega, Logan. One of the most powerful mutants in existence. We really can only theorize as to the level of her power.  The Professor believed that she would often tap those omega-level powers without knowing it. However, when closely examined, there is a psionic… imprint left in her wake. Residue.”

“Like a fingerprint?”  The mutant lesson is interestin’ enough that in spite of my worry, I listen.  Course that was pretty much the case with Red. And look at how well that worked for me.

“Exactly.” ‘Ro’s voice is as calm as ever. “Hank has found traces of her mental pathways on most of us, Logan. Scott, Hank, myself…and … Rogue. Several of the recently-graduated students as well. We were unable to test the Professor, but since he brought it to our attention…”

My eyes widen.

“So you think that Jeannie…”

“More likely the Phoenix. It is important to keep the two separate.”

“Right. So, okay, after it went coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, then what? I went berserk or something?”

“Or something.” There is a faint smile on ‘Ro’s face.  I’m beginning to get a sense of foreboding when Hank confirms my thought.

“Indeed. You were quite vicious. You attacked ‘Ro and myself when we attempted to subdue you.” ‘Ro lifts up her shirt to show a bandage on her stomach. I can see the very tops of three claw marks, just beginning to scab over. I jerk my eyes down to the floor, shame flooding my senses so violently that my empty stomach heaves.

“Shit…” I mutter.  “’Ro…”

She reaches out to touch my shoulder.  “No. You were not yourself. It is no different from when I accidentally caught you in the lightning storm last year."

“Oh yeah. I remember that.” Lightning-charged adamantium had not been one of my best moments.  I had smelled like singed hair and ozone for almost three days. The damn kids had about pissed themselves laughing.I blinked and there was a flash of another memory and I winced.

“Did I throw you through a wall?” 

Hank nods, his grin seeming horribly out of place. “Sure did. Of course, I injected you with the Cure, so…”

“You did  _what?”_ My claws pop with the familiar  _snikt_ that generally has people running for the hills.  These two assholes barely blink.

“It was... an unfortunate mistake. I had grabbed for the specially-mixed tranquilizer and instead grabbed the vial of Cure that I injected into Magneto. Fortunately there were only several drops instead of a full dose.  But your physiology did not care for that at all. Not only did it interrupt your healing mutation, it would not let you retract your claws.  Add to the fact that you were in a rather unpleasant mood….”

“…and we had to isolate you.”

I blinked again, mulling over what they had said. I had picked up the habit of popping and retracting my claws whenever I was nervous or in deep thought, and the Bobsey twins gave me time to think.

Wise of them.

“So, okay. That explains why  _I_ was there.  Now explain Rogue.”  _Marie_. For a second, I could smell the blush on Hank’s skin.  Despite my own misgivings, I raised an eyebrow.

“We believe she was worried about you.  She came back from going to the clinic and … well. It was somewhat chaotic around here.  I’m afraid that we forgot about her in the hubbub. She took it upon herself to go and see if she could bring you out of it.” To my utter and complete shock, the faintest hint of a smirk twisted ‘Ro’s lips. “And she was successful.”

I know that I was gaping at her but I couldn’t seem to help myself. “How fucking nice that I can provide entertainment for you.”  I heard the growl in my voice.  Fuck them. Fuck this. I shoved past the two of them and made my way upstairs to find Marie and somehow try to apologize.

When the elevator doors opened I saw Marie’s friend, Jubilation Lee. She was, not surprisingly, wearing a shade of yellow that made my damn eyes bleed. I don’t know what expression was on my face, but her eyes got really wide as she took a step back. I could see the bright colored plasma playing around her fingers and smell the sudden nervousness that hung around her like a sour perfume.  I ignored it, taking the steps two at a time until I got to Marie’s room.

“Marie?” I forced my voice into some semblance of calm. She’d probably hit me with a lamp or something if I barged in there sounding like that. “Rogue. Open the damn door, darlin’.”  I knocked again and then tried the handle when she didn’t answer.   As soon as the door swung open, I knew that Marie wasn’t there. My throat tightened when I caught our mingled scents and frowned, trying not to shove the guilt back down in my gut.  As someone who’d taken off a time or two in my life, I recognized the signs when I saw them.  I stood on the threshold, my eyes darting around the small room.  I took in the unmade bed, the crumpled black t-shirt (and yeah my heart gave a weird leap when I saw it was one of mine- what of it?) next to her overflowing laundry hamper, the way her dresser looked like a small bomb had gone off inside of it, spitting scarves and socks and one bright green pair of panties like shrapnel. I knew that I was growling when I stalked forward to yank open the closet door, ignoring the fact that I completely jerked it off its hinges in my anger.

The duffel bag that she’d first ran with, way back when I met her in Laughlin City was gone.

For a second I just stood there, every muscle tense as I tried to get my breathing under control.  Another glance around the room showed that she’d also packed her laptop and a few of her favorite books. She wasn’t a girl for sentimentality. Marie had just taken what she needed and had bolted, running as was her habit.

Fuck. “ _Fuck!”_

I was running downstairs before I had even thought about it, instinct taking me past the second floor classrooms, past the rec room, kitchen and dining areas and outside only to stop short at the torrential downpour that greeted me, icy rain and wind almost sending me back onto my ass. My nostrils flared as I tried to catch Marie’s scent. A small sound to my left caused me to turn my head, already knowing what I would find: Storm standing on the porch with her hand outstretched, eyes just fading back to her normal placid brown instead of the milky whiteness that heralded her mutant power.

“Why?”

I knew why, but I wanted her to say the words.

‘Ro raised an eyebrow, ignoring me as I clambered to my feet, staring up at the sky.  “She asked me to.”

Yeah, that hurt just as much as I thought it would.

“She wanted some time on her own and then she promised to come back. The two weeks was the best I could do. You know how she felt, Logan.  She hated to feel like a burden. She felt that she doesn’t have a place here with the X-Men anymore. For what it is worth, I am certain that her leaving had been building for awhile. Your recent… indisposition… perhaps just served as more of a catalyst.” The rain was ice cold, even through the sweats.  I watched the furious storm with my arms crossed over my chest, trying to reign in my filthy temper. 

She signed. “Please. We… need you. Give me one week, Logan. Seven days of helping us get our feet back on the ground. Then I will give you her location.”

I whirled on the ball of my foot, swiping my claws through a potted plant that hung from the porch’s ceiling. The terracotta fell to the ground with a clatter. I heard Storm’s sign of relief as I stalked up to my room. My hands found the cigar on auto-pilot as I looked out of my window at the storm Storm had created. I could feel a muscle ticking in my jaw as I breathed in the smoke, attempting to calm myself.

My gaze caught on the flame of the Professor’s tombstone. His death had really been the point where things started to go to shit. Part of me wanted to blame him.  Wheels hadn’t exactly been known for his humble nature.  Maybe it was his gift that had let him see everything there was to know about human nature, and still come out thinking that he knew what was right.  Kind of ironic that that arrogance was what had gotten him dissolved into a billion fucking pieces of Baldy.  Fuck, even Magneto had been shocked that Chuck wasn’t gonna come up smelling like daises on that one. Still, hindsight being what it is and all, if he’d been controlling Jeannie since she was a kid, then surely he had to have had a back-up plan for what was gonna happen if he ever bought it. Or maybe arrogance like that didn’t plan for an eventual demise.  Who the fuck knew. I inhaled, ignoring the faintly grey cloud of smoke that hung around me. 

A week. Thing was, yeah the rain and wind would confuse a dog. My enhanced senses worked somewhat like a canine’s. The fuckers that had engineered me saw to it that I’d be able to track a dog’s fart from two miles away if I was so inclined.  They were called  _enhanced_ senses for a reason.  But… she’d asked for a week.  She’d specifically asked ‘Ro to cover her tracks. The question was, was whether or not I was goin’ to give her that space or go find her and see if I could get her hysterical, hormone-ridden ass to—  
  
Hormones.

I swear to fucking  _God_ , my heart stopped. I was up and stumbling into her room before I had even registered that I had stood up. Inhaling deeply, I quickly sifted through the scents in the room. Marie, me, the little Iceprick on the bed , Marie.

I couldn’t scent anything and I almost laughed, flopping down onto the bed as my legs sagged in relief.  Ever since waking up in the panic room, I’d been pretty fucking confused, sort of stumbling from one thing to the next.  Even though, I was pretty goddamn sure that neither of us were ready to be a parent yet. It had been pretty damn obvious that neither one of us had stopped for a rubber. Confirming  that she wasn’t ovulating was a fucking relief, not even gonna lie. Talk about complications that weren’t needed. I already felt like I was in the middle of a fucking soap opera. I wasn’t exactly material to be somebody’s daddy.

I turned my head a little, frowning. I didn’t like the scent of that little bastard on her bed, on her pillow. I cocked my head to listen for any movement, and finding none quickly stretched out over the area he must have lain, rubbing my skin, still wet from the rain, into her bedstead and the little girly frilly thing on top of her pillow until I couldn’t smell the little motherfucker any more.

I stretched again, letting her scent calm me down.

This was pretty fucked up.  I felt like a creep in her room and quickly got back up, fixing the closet door as best I could and straightening up the few things she’d left out in her haste to leave _(me)…_  leave.  I shut the door behind me with a small click and made my way back to my room. We weren’t far from each other.  Maybe about fifty feet. I saw my stogie on the floor and scooped it up, making a face at the wet wrapping.

Shit, I was tired.

Could I give her a week?

Did I have much of a fucking choice? Marie wanted a week, she got it.  She wanted me to apologize until I was blue in the face? She got it. Who was I kidding?  If the kid wanted my balls on a goddamn silver platter, she had them.  I think the worst part of all of this was not knowing what exactly had happened. I was no stranger to the torture one person could inflict on another.  Hell, if ‘Ro and the furball hadn’t sworn up, down, and sideways that I hadn’t hurt her, I can’t say for sure that I would have given Marie the week she’d asked for.  But they had, and neither of them had been lying I would have smelled a lie on either one of them. The shit they said about Jeannie was disturbing enough that I stayed awake for several more hours, listening to the storm outside and thinking. When I finally fell asleep, my dreams were full of the taste of blood and beautiful brown eyes widened in fear.

The footstep outside of my door woke me.  I came awake all at once, each sense on full alert. The little bastard might have thought that he was being stealthy as he listened against the solid wood of my door, but he might as well have announced his presence with a fucking brass band.  I didn’t make a sound as I got up and waited for him to get on the stairs before easing open my door and following him.  I can’t say for sure why I didn’t just throw open my door and start hollerin’ at the little bastard. But the obvious way that he’d tried to be stealthy pricked my curiosity.  I trailed him like a deadly shadow, having no problem following his scent. I detected a slight hint of lust which I admit, confused the shit out of me. Was he going to meet someone? My eyes widened.  Was he goin’ to meet Marie? Had she contacted him? That made the fact he’d checked to make sure that I was in my room make more sense, really. I raised an eyebrow when he took the elevator down to the sub-levels, entering his code with a few quick punches of his fingers.  Shit.  I’d have to wait until the elevator was back up here before going down, or he’d hear me.  That would put me a few minutes behind him.  But, unless the little Iceprick was planning on taking the jet, there weren’t all that many places for him to go. I could find him.

A few minutes later found me in the sub-level, breathing shallowly.  The scent of Bobby was stronger down here, and the punch of his sweat, his lust and anticipation made my fucking stomach turn.  Then I heard it, and what passed for my higher brain function ceased.

“I.. uh... I’m fine. Just... hush up for a second, will ya?” Marie.  She sounded absolutely petrified.

My claws popped and I was running full tilt towards the sound, full instinct keeping the roar that built in my chest behind my teeth.  I was moving so quickly that I almost skidded past the small room. Cotton socks on metal floors. Jesus. I rolled my eyes at myself, taking a few deep breaths to try to restrain the anticipation that was thrumming under my skin.  I felt like a complete dick and was heartily glad that no one had seen my  _Risky Business_  impression. Still feeling that strange drop in my belly, I stuck my head around the door to face Marie and her boyfriend.

Y’know there are lotsa things in my life that I’ve seen that’ll really fuck a guy up. I didn’t remember a lot of ‘em of course. But some were burned into my memory so hard that I knew I’d never stop having nightmares about ‘em.  Marie’s cold, lifeless body on that fuckin’ statue. Seeing Itsu’s blood-soaked corpse and knowing that I was responsible. Being helpless to save her as Marie’s body was flung out of the jet. Watching Jeannie’s face when I sliced through her body.

But nothing in my past prepared me for seeing the little blond fucker with his dick in a stranglehold, watching Marie on an old training sim. I brought up both my arms, sparks flying from the adamantium when I sliced through the metal door frame.  Bobby made a sound that was between a scream and a cat being scalded and jumped about three feet in the air, slamming his hand down on the control console to freeze the image.  I saw myself crouched, Marie wrapped around my back like she had some hope of stopping me.  I didn’t normally flinch at my face, but seeing my lips twisted in a snarl, my heavy brows drawn down in a furious glare juxtaposed with Marie’s sweet face behind me, her mouth open as she got ready to scream made my heart heavy in my chest.  What was he watching? It must have been one of the more recent training sims. Rogue had a habit of not staying down when we sparred. That was one damn stubborn woman.  It was that more than anything else that turned my fury into an insane urge to laugh.  Well that and the kid still had his pecker out.  That shit would make anyone laugh.

Still,  _he_  didn’t know that I was about to bust out laughing.

“What. The. Fuck,” I growled, low in my chest as I took one slow, measured step forward. The kid had jumped up and was stuffing himself back into his jeans quicker’n shit through a goose.

“I... I just wanted to see...”  His voice squeaked as he backpedalled himself into a corner.

I allowed my claws to move forward with my body so that the they sliced through the chair. “See.... what?” My claws retracted with their muted  _snikt_ but I don’t think the kid noticed. He took a deep breath and I was startled to see tears pooling in his ridiculously blue eyes. “Look. I know that you guys fucked. I heard ‘Ro and Hank talking about it. If my girlfriend is gonna cheat on me...”

Yep. That did it.  
  
Several things clicked at once.  This wasn’t some Danger Room training video. He’d been watching... ready to beat off to... In seconds, I had him by the neck, lifting him up so that his bare feet dangled just above the floor.

“You got about two seconds to explain what the fuck you think you’re doin’ here before I gut you like a fuckin stuck pig.” I’m surprised he could understand me through the growling I didn’t want to bite back.

His hand came to hold my wrist, his nails digging into my wrist.“You act like you’re better than anyone. Every time you come back, it’s like ‘Oh don’t ask him questions, just be glad he’s here to save our asses again.’ It was  _your_ fault that all that shit went down. Rogue told me all about it before she left, how you and Mz Grey were fucking on the table in the medbay.”  I was so stunned that I actually let go of him.  “Betcha didn’t know that she saw you, huh?  _You_ let her out. It’s  _your_  fault that the Professor is dead. That Mr. Summers is dead. That Mz. Grey is  _dead_! No fucking wonder Rogue ran away!”

I was so stunned by what Bobby had yelled that I let him get by me. I collapsed into the chair he was sitting in, shocked completely and utterly stupid.

I can’t say how long I sat there staring at the monitor before I keyed in the sequence to turn off the machine.  I wasn’t a technophile by any means, but there was a certain level of technological expertise expected when working with Wheels and the X-Geeks. It wasn’t hard to see that the recording had been on a motion sensor, clicking on when they had stuck me in the reinforced cage of the panic room.  I saw from the time stamps that I’d been in there a little over three days.  Idly, I watched the very first one and saw how I’d given ‘Ro, Hank, that Jubilee kid, Kitty, and the Dickless Wonder a fuck lot of a fight before ‘Ro had pretty much stuck a fork of lightening up my ass to stun me while they got the hell out of there. I guess they were too afraid to give me anything in case it reacted with the shit Hank had injected me with.  I deleted the first day, and the second, and stopped on the third, my finger hovering over the delete confirmation.

Did I want to delete this? It  _would_  let me see what had happened. I’d know once and for all. Could I let this chance slide by me?

Fuck. I hit play.

I bled her the second the locks clicked behind her.  Watched her scent register, saw how I tried to fix the hurt I’d caused her. She didn’t seem to worried at the fact that I was licking her throat. She probably didn’t know that lifting her throat to me like that had probably saved her life.  I mean, sure. I like to tell myself that I would recognize and want to protect Marie wherever I saw her, but the cold truth of the matter was that I hadn’t.  When she first came in I’d reacted as though she were an enemy.  Lifting her throat screamed submission to whatever feral instinct I had.  The sick feeling returned to my stomach. I watched her warn the others off. I watched as I calmed at her touch, how I took her over to the mattress, my stomach tightening with worry.

That at least wasn’t too bad. She seemed relaxed, and Jesus knows that I was when she petted me like that.  I allowed myself a few seconds to relax, watching her as she leaned into my body, rubbing her head against my chest. The camera angle showed the way she looked up at the ceiling, sliding her fingers through my hair, thoughts focused inward. A very dark, deep part of me did _not_ like that she wasn’t ‘with’ me completely.  I tried to tramp that part down. I don’t know what happened. One second I was tangled with her like we were packmates and the next I was growling low in my throat, sniffing her, nuzzling at her breasts.  She moaned a little and I winced as I watched myself roll her on her stomach. The camera still had her face and I swore under my breath as I watched the stunned surprise on her features. 

This was the girl who hadn’t been touched since she was a kid. Of course she was sensitive, and my rough hands were all but mauling her, pressing into her skin, rubbing my scent all over her.  I felt my cock start to harden as I watched.  My hands moved and she was moaning, face sweaty and flushed.  I watched, more and more horrified as my feral self stripped her, touched her, made her want me. I took her from behind like an animal, like some beast focused on marking its mate for his own.

I watched as I hurt her. As she winced in pain. As regrets stole across her face before I reminded her body that sex felt good.  I watched Marie’s beautiful face as she came, watched myself bite her on the back of the neck, sucking my mark into her skin. Tried to ignore that my dick  _liked_ me watching this.

Watched as she woke up and all but ran out of there, sickened and horrified.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three- Marie**

 

I wanted a shower. The feeling of ickiness practically crawled up my skin. I felt my inner Logan snarl as he smelled himself on me, and having him stomping around my brain like a tiger in a cage wasn’t helping my stress levels.  I stuck some ear-buds in my ears and looked out the window of the bus, blindly watching the scenery as it passed. I knew that I’d have to change buses at the next stop, but for now I was fairly comfortable enough to let my mind wander.

I felt like a coward for running like a scared little kid, but  the feelings that I’d had--the isolation that kept me from really being a fully functioning member of the team-- just hit me all at once. I had packed haphazardly, more interested in getting the hell out before Logan woke up.

 _You do know that you always have a place here, my dear._   I had had a mental image of Charles sitting in a old-fashioned chair, his fingers resting on the arms as he stared broodingly at a an abandoned chess board. It had still been odd enough to have what he sent me seem just as real as what my eyes saw. It wasn’t like that with Logan, or Erik, not even with David or Carol or any of the others that had lived in my head.   _Maybe,_  I had replied.  _But I don’t think so.  This is a place for mutants, Professor. I’m not a mutant anymore._  I had been grateful that I didn’t see anyone on the stairs.  The mansion had been strangely quiet.  That had seemed so strange, given the way my life had rocked on its axis. It seemed like there should be a more obvious commotion going on. I had made it all the way to the garage before ‘Ro had stepped out of the darkness, her shadow detaching itself from the brush and flowers. The light above the garage had burnt out and no one had gotten around to fixing it.

“Rogue, please... You don’t have to do this.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her to call me Marie. Her normally calm visage showed signs of the wear and tear that we had all been through.  Well, that they had been through. Instead of helping them with everything, I had been hung up taking care of number one at the ‘Mutant Rehabilitation Clinic.’

“I know. But.. I think it’s something I need to do. I’m not runnin’ away, ‘Ro. Just leaving for awhile.”

 _Liar._   I almost jumped at hearing Logan’s dark growl in the deepest part of my mind.

“It just feels wrong, Rogue. Why don’t you wait. Have some food. We have the debrief and...”

“No, ‘Ro.” I forced a smile. “I don’t think that’s gonna work. Look. I just need to get away for a bit. get my head on straight. My mind’s full of a lot of crap right now and I just need some time to get everything straight.”

There were two protesting squawks from my head. I felt Logan’s unwilling smirk at my choice of words.

“And what about Logan?” For the first time, ‘Ro sounded frustrated.

“What about him?” My eyes had narrowed. “Y’all locked him up.” I had frowned, the thought of them hurting Logan still enough to piss me off. “He was so ripped up by what he had to do to Jean that he just lost himself for awhile.”

“Rogue, I don’t think that--”

“Look. It doesn’t matter. He’ll be fine. How about this?  Give me a week. Some time to... figure some stuff out.  Then I’ll be back and we can talk, okay?” I pushed my hand through my hair. My own temper had never been exactly what you’d call sweet as sugar, and her concern was annoying me. 

She didn’t look happy, but knew better than to argue. I wasn’t the same kid that I had been when she found me. She signed and stepped forward to pull me into a rough hug. That had been shocking enough. Her hands had been soft as she held my shoulders. Her white hair had slid against my face and I had flinched away before remembering that there was no reason to hide anymore. The cure had killed my skin. This was the reason that I had done this. This ability to touch.

“Promise that you’ll be careful?” She let me go and I was shocked to see that she still looked upset.

“Yeah. Of course.”

She sighed once more, stepping back. She had picked up a tote bag and handed it to me.  “Money.  A cell.  You will check in in a week, or I’ll send out the cavalry.  Don’t think that I won’t.” I didn’t have the heart to remind her that most of the cavalry had white headstones in the garden. I knew better than anyone how much it had hurt us. ‘Ro, Hank, Nightcrawler and Logan were now the de facto leaders of the X-men. It still seemed strange that Scott and the Professor weren’t going to somehow swoop in  and fix everything. Yeah, I watched the news.  There was still a mess to clean up both in Washington and in San Francisco. A mutant mess.

I had nodded, taking the bag without a word. I had turned to slide into the car seat, but had stopped with my hand on the door.  I could see my face in the mirror.  “‘Ro?  You know that he’s kind of ... protective about me right? He’s gonna be worried that he hurt me.  Please... tell him that I’m fine, okay?”

“I will.”

“Thanks.”  I had whispered it, sliding into the car. My only thought was to drive, to get away. It wasn’t until much, much later that I realized that I had taken Scott’s Mazda. I’d been so exhausted that I hadn’t even smiled at the irony.  From there it wasn’t much to find a bus station.  I just drove until i ran out of gas, then grabbed my duffel.  I took the money, but left the phone with the battery out of it on the seat before locking it up. I left the keys inside, hidden in the glove compartment.

“Is anyone sitting here?”

The words jarred me out of my mind and I jumped a little in my seat.  I hadn’t even realized that we had stopped.

 _Rogue? You need to rest. We should find a hotel. We can move on in the morning._  Erik sent me an image of comfortable sheets and a hot shower and I almost whimpered.  

“No, I’m just getting up, in fact.”

“Shame.”  He smiled at me as I stood up. I grabbed my stuff and I yawned, habit making me avoid the touch of everyone else as I stepped off the bus.  I didn’t even know what city we were in. And yes, before you ask I am a little suspicious of Erik being so concerned for my well-being. For the first two years or so, I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean, I was hyper-aware that this was the guy that once tried to kill me.  But this younger version seemed... I don’t know. Not like my dad, really. More like a very favorite uncle. He was the one that told me to try honey in my tea when I had a sore throat, for Pete’s sake.

_Rogue, you know that you can trust your Logan to give you the week that you asked for. Please, my dear. Find somewhere to relax. We can discuss our plan and get started when you’re not so tired._

“‘Kay.”  There was a Holiday Inn to my left and I stumbled inside, spoke to the clerk and got myself a room.  I jacked the air way up then made my way to the shower, dropping clothes as I went.

 _You gonna lock the doors kid? Or are you lookin’ for every damn transient asshole to break in?I_  I sighed then walked naked to the door and locked all the locks. If I hadn’t been so tired, I would have laughed at the lengths the three personalities in my head all went to make sure that they didn’t catch a glimpse of my nakedness. 

 _Look, can you chill the hell out please, sugah? You’re giving me a headache._ It’s true. He was. he was like his hairy, growly bucket of man angst and I was just too damn tired to deal with it. I dug in my bag for my soap and shampoo and shut the door, opting to leave the fan off. I wanted a hot, steamy shower.

I yawned, stretched and stepped into the tub, pulling the cheap liner shut behind me. The water felt amazing.  I swear to god, I found each and every sore spot on my body. There was a hell of a bite on the back of my neck.  He’d broken the skin in two small places and they stung like a bastard when the shampoo hit them. 

So far, I’d done a pretty bang-up job of not freaking out about the fact that I’d had sex with Logan.

There was a snort from inside my head and I rolled my eyes.  _Look, don’t you think I deserve a little tiny bit of panic? I mean, there were some pretty damn crazy extenuatin’ circumstances._

_Indeed. Erik and I have been discussing several different plans. I hope you do not mind my dear, but I have taken the liberty of...shielding you from some of your more disparaging emotions._

I frowned, rinsing my hair.  To be honest, I wasn’t sure what I felt about that.   _I don’t know if I like you mucking about with my brain. I mean, more than you already have. It’s kind of freaky to have you in my head._

I felt Charles- it was getting increasingly more and more difficult to think of him as the Professor- chuckle in my head. _I assure you that it’s a lot more ‘freaky’ for me to be residing in one of my former student’s heads. While she’s showering, yet._

I blushed.

 _Right. Well you guys go away for awhile so I can finish washing._  Ow. Ow, ow ow ow ow and fuck a freaking duck,  _ow._

Back at the mansion,I had pretty much thrown on clothes and taken off for the hills. It was still embarrassing to wash the rest of my body. It was a lot harder to ignore the fact that someone else had touched me there. My left nipple was a little sore. So were ... other places.  My blush turned a little deeper.  This was ridiculous. Millions upon millions of girls lost their virginity every single day. I shouldn’t be making such a huge deal about it. I just stood there under the spray for a moment, forcing my thoughts back to their numb state.

The important thing was the Logan was okay.  I’d get my mind straight and go talk to him.

Later. Right now I wanted to fall on my face. I wrapped a towel around my hair, and one around my torso, securing it between my breasts. I was too tired to do much more than brush my teeth. There had never been someone so ready for sleep.  I barely managed to set the alarm before I was asleep.

 

I woke up ten minutes before my alarm was getting ready to go off.  Blinking, I stare at the red numbers, waiting for the radio station to come on.  I’ve never been a fan of mornings.  The air is cold. I’m completely comfortable and wouldn’t mind going back to sleep.

_Guten morgan, mein kind._

I grunted a mental reply and ignored Erik’s dark, rich laugh. Don’t ask me how, but yep. Magneto was one of the most obnoxious morning people I had ever met.  Charles, bless his soul, was more or less ambivalent to mornings.  He had told me that after so many years of training students, he preferred to have a bit of a lie-in when time allowed.  I suppose morphing himself into my brain allowed, because based on the four or so days that he’d been in my head,  we didn’t usually hear from him until at least noon.  And even there he was a bit bleary-eyed. It was pretty darn cute, actually.

I heard a snarl from my inner Logan and hid a smile. I did kind of miss him. Even though this was just a bit of him, it was still nice to let him out of his cage. I hadn’t been trying to be a bitch when I locked him in my mind. Just.. knowing that he thought of me as a kid sister, or worse, his responsibility, made it painful for me to hear him in my head..  And boy, was he pissed at being locked up. Now I could feel him as a constant, seething presence in the back of my mind. He never tried to talk to me even though I had made an attempt to sort of make nice. Smartass comments and the occasional growl, yes. Conversation, no. I mean, had been with me the longest after all. But he had just snarled something and stalked off to another corner of my mind. I think Charles had tried to talk to him, to calm him down, which had only ended up in Logan telling him to fuck off. 

I sighed and rolled over.

 _So, was all that a dream?_  I had the feeling that both Charles and Logan were still asleep. If Erik had been real he’d be making muffins or something; he was in that good of a mood. Maybe in an apron.  I snickered and stretched, wincing a little when my back popped.

 _Not exactly. And please cease picturing me in that ridiculous costume_.  I squinted and the pink, frilly apron morphed into a bright red Kiss the Cook apron.  I felt Erik rolling his eyes and had to smile again.

_While the two slugabeds are asleep, I thought you and I should have a chat._

_I raised an eyebrow. Did you now?_

_Indeed.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but hiding from your Wolverine will be an exercise in futility. Bei ihm ist eine Schraube locker_!  _I have no wish to meet him when he believes you are angered._   _I have several ideas on how best to hide, but we will need some time to put everything into place._

That’s...for Erik... pretty much a sonnet. The German tripped me up for a moment, but along with his personality, I also inherited his understanding of his native language.  And it was pretty amusing the way he would occasionally drop something in there.

 _Okay. But if we’re going to be plotting then I want some coffee._ I roll out of bed and shiver at the cold air. It doesn’t take me long to dress. While I do, I call for room service. I’m suddenly absolutely _starving._   I eat hugely of everything, pack and check out of the hotel.

The next few hours were spent at both the airport and the various bus stations.  I knew Logan would be able to track me, no matter what stealth I thought I was employing.  But Erik had the idea of me giving him several different trails to follow.  He wouldn’t be able to discount any of them, not knowing which one I was actually using.  I guess Erik had some expertise tracking in his past. I never would have thought of getting onto several different buses as though I was lost, touching as much as I could to make sure that my scent was still there. I bought several different bus tickets from several different areas. It even got to be fun after awhile.

Around two, Charles talked me into going to an Internet cafe. I wanted more coffee, and I had the feeling that he was finally ready to tell me his plan.  Logan had been quiet. Maybe he knew that I didn’t want to think about it.  I mean, I kept having random thoughts of, oh I better tie my shoe I-had-sex-with-Logan be careful not to trip over that curb I-had-sex-with-Logan.  I could feel Charles’ and Erik’s amusement and had pretty much told them to stuff it. That was one subject I wasn’t going to discuss.

I ordered something unpronounceable that was more sugar than coffee and some kind of cheese-stuffed danish thing and made my way to a table in the back. I got out my laptop and frowned when I saw that I had an email from both ‘Ro, and Jubes. I admit a tiny, little part of me had hoped that Logan might try to contact me, but given that I’d just spent the better part of the morning attempting to throw him off my trail, I could admit that this was a little bizarre. Then an even bigger part of me wanted to faceplant for worrying about Logan instead of my so-called boyfriend.

To:                   Rogue@xmen.org

From:              Storm@xmen.org

Subject:           Checking in

 

Rogue, I hope that this finds you well.  Dr. McCoy has made me aware of some rather interesting information.  Please contact me at your earliest convenience.  I did give you the phone for a reason, you know. :) Many of your friends are worried about your abrupt disappearance. I thought that you should know.

‘Ro.

I sighed. She was about as subtle as a hurricane. Which fit, I suppose.

To:                   Storm@xmen.org

From               Rogue@xmen.org

Subject:           Re: Checking in

 

Yes, I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself. I’m not ready to come back yet and I’ll be sure to tell my friends that you didn’t send me off on a mission of doom or anything.  I’m not sure what Dr. McCoy would have to say to me, but he is welcome to email me whenever he wishes.

Rogue

To:                   Rogue@xmen.org

From:              Jubilation.Lee@xmen.org

Subject:           What the actual fuck, girlfriend?

Dude. You have no idea what the hell kind of shitstorm you set off.  I don’t know what is in your head right now (haha get it?) but there are rumors flying around about you like crazy. Did you really go get the cure? I.. okay I can understand that. I hope you’re not running away because you are having an angstoramma pity party. You know the Prof would flip his shit if he knew you left.  Well, okay if he were alive. This is your home, Roguey.

I have some crazy news for you.  The Wolverine is driving us absolutely fucking nuts. Not to overuse the animal cliches, kiddo, but he’s acting like a bear whose paw got chopped off. Or like a bear who’s lost his favorite honey pot. ;) You thought he was badass after those fuckers broke into the mansion?  Shit. It’s not worth your life to talk to him. I don’t know what kind of magic Ms. Monroe has to keep him here but whatever it is, he does NOT appreciate it! You know I can’t help but wonder if you taking off and Wolvie’s piss-poor mood are related....

I debated whether or not to tell you this.  Your so-called boyfriend and Kitty were kissing the other day. Kitty looked horrified when I saw them, but Bobby just smiled at me.  He looked like someone came up behind him and hit him with a bat around like, the back of the head. Now I know why Wolvie calls him the Iceprick.  Anyway, not tryin’ to piss you off girlfriend, but you gotta know that you jetting off caused a bit of tension here on the homefront. Come back soon when you can okay?  I miss you. Please, please don’t forget that I’m always in your corner.

Love,  Jubes.

I had to bite my lip. I purposefully took a bite of my danish thingy and two sips of coffee before responding.

To:                   Jubilation.Lee@xmen.org

From:              Rogue@xmen.org

Subject:           Re: What the actual fuck, girlfriend?

Aw, Jubes. I’m sorry. Yeah, I’m having some craziness and had to go to deal with it. I’ll fill you in later. Please try not to worry.  Logan will get over it, and Bobby and Kitty... well. I saw that coming. I can’t even say that I’m all that upset so don’t go frying them on my behalf. But that’s more the kind of thing that I need to talk to you about in person.  I’ll call you when I can, kay?  Love you babes.

 

Rogue.

 

 _Right then. Shall we continue?  I believe that if you log into  my banking accounts  you will find sufficient funds for us to continue our plans._  I appreciated Charles’ inturuption. He told me what bankinng site to go to and gave me his password to login.  

 

That’s about the time I spit my coffee all over myself.  I mean, I knew that Charles Xavier had to be Loaded. Capital ‘L’ loaded.

 

 _That is only one of my personal accounts._  He didn’t even sound smug, although I could feel Logan’s eyes bugging out over his shoulder.  _Okay then, shall we continue? I believe ten thousand or so shall do to begin. You can just transfer it over to your account._ Once we graduated, the Professor had insisted that we start a bank account. He even gave each graduate a few thousand dollars to get started in whatever life they chose to do.  It was ridiculously easy to transfer the funds to my own account.

 

_Holy shit, kid. I like to see people get ahead in the world, but that’s a little ridiculous. You know that when he comes to find you, the first thing the other X-Geeks will check is your records to see if you’ve used your debit card._

 

_Excellent point, Logan. You will, of course, have to withdraw several hundred dollars, most likely from several different machines._

  
_Wait._  Visions of being robbed and killed danced in my head.   _You want me to carry that much money around while I go in and out of bus and train stations?_

 

_Not exactly._

 

_Look. I’m all for going along with getting you out of my head. I’ve been a pretty good sport, if I do say so myself.  I haven’t fought you or tried to do anything terrible to work against you. I mean, I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but I’ve had a rather eventful week.  So, do you think that for once... you can just tell me the Goddamn plan already?_

 

I hear Charles sigh.

_Charles, alten freund, she is correct. She has been most patient. And you of all people know that the Rogue isn’t exactly known for her patience._

_That’s the damn truth._

The worst thing about having these voices in my head is that I can’t shake them when I absolutely fucking want to.

“That’s it. I’m done.” I stand up and start to move my trash towards the can when Charles actually sputters a little.

_No! Okay. Okay- my apologies. You are right, Rogue. I do tend to play my cards close to my chest. It usually serves me well._

_Yeah? Tell that to Jean._

The spike of pain isn’t imagined and is felt from two of the men in my head. I feel like crap for even mentioning her. It was a low blow, but I  _really_ wanted answers.  I was getting a little sick of following along like a puppy, especially given that it was my body that he was living in. I grab my laptop and my coffee and stalk off down the street.  I see a bus go by and it finally dawns on me that I’m in Albany.  Jesus. Maybe I  _do_  need my hand held if I am just now figuring out where I am.

I purposefully block the chorus in my head out, imagining that each of them has duct tape over their mouths and are sitting in an empty room with no doors or windows. I take pity on Logan and give him an ashtray though. It always gives me a bit of a headache when I build my mind’s walls. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re so powerful or if it’s because I’m so weak, but when I’m done I just want to lay down. I see an ATM and make a withdrawal. They’ll only let me take $500 at a time, so it’s a bit of a drag to have to go from ATM to ATM, but I do it. I take buses at random, stopping whenever I see a bank.

It starts to get dark and it’s chilly enough that I don’t want to walk.  I catch a cab and tell him to drive me to one of the cheap hotels by the airport. I know that Logan would never fly on a commercial airline and tends to avoid airports like the plague.  I had a quick thought of him being detained by airport security and had to grin a little. I walk from the hotel that the cabbie drops me off down to another.  I check into another hotel and sign into their wireless, then slowly let down my mental shields. Logan and Erik are amused at my little stunt.  I think it’s the first time that they’ve agreed on anything.

Charles jumps in like three hours haven’t passed.  _We need to get to Colorado._ He blurts.  _With your Wolverine, we desperately need to sufficiently muddy our trail or we will have very little chance of making it there. He sighed.  In Denver is an associate of mine called Moria McTaggert._

I feel Erik’s shock, but am too enthralled at finally getting some damn answers to be distracted.

_She does not know that I am still alive. Well, mostly alive._

“I’m not dead yet!” I say in a terrible British accent. I get the impression of Logan shaking his head.  Charles sends me the impression of raising his eyebrow and I try not to blush.  _Not a Python fan then, I guess._  It’s a lame attempt to make a joke.

 _You know how we worked together to wall off parts of your mind; subverting the personalities that your mutation absorbed. I believe that I can show you how to do the same with my own presence. If your mutation worked much like I anticipate, then your skin is like ..._ He trails off for a minute and I sip my coffee, making a face at the fact it’s gone cold.   _Your skin worked like those walls we created. I hope that you can reverse that process to reunite my consciousness with a body. Moria has one such in her care._

_So I guess we’re going to Colorado? We need a car._

_Indeed._

I start my search online, looking for something that will get us to where we’re going. It’s ridiculously easy to find a vehicle on ebay and I use the lobby payphone to call and make arrangements to look at it in the morning.

_I got some of the money. I was going to get more later. Maybe when I go and get dinner._

_Excellent._  I can feel Charles over my shoulder as I count and am surprised that I have a little over $8000 in fifties and twenties. Shit.  I’m suddenly nervous, staring down at the mass of cash.  The last time I was on the run, I made it to Canada on three hundred dollars. This seems ridiculous. I hide the stack of money in a trashbag under the trashbag in the bathroom.

I kind of hope that I don’t have another one of those dreams like I did last night. It had been nice to see them, but I knew that it was dangerous to ... well this sounded silly, but to get too attached to the three in my head.  They weren’t real. Even Charles... he wasn’t really the Professor. He didn’t even look like him.  To be honest I wasn’t half- convinced that this was all some kind of hallucination.  Imaginary friends meet Rogue, ex-superhero.

I sigh and go to find another few ATM machines. And a pizza. I’m freaking starving. I drain another two machines before I find a Mellow Mushroom and follow my nose and the scent of peperoni, sausage and mushrooms to a booth in the back. The temperature has dropped again as I walk down the street back towards the hotel.  _So, how is this going to work? Am I just going to show up in Colorado and knock on your friend’s door?_

_Not exactly. That’s a little ... complicated, unfortunately. We shall have to hope for a bit of luck I’m afraid._

_You know, you used to tell me that we made our own---_

_LOOK OUT, KID!!_

Before I even know what is happening, I’m diving to the left, rolling away from the street. I can hear Logan snarling in my head when the vehicle drives off the sidewalk I had just been on, tires squealing as it sped off.

_Marie!_

_Rogue!_

_Rogue!_

I must have whacked my head a good one. For a second I thought I saw a familiar form in the driver’s seat, but the thought slips away from me with the surge of pain from my head. Logan, Erik and Charles sound frantic.  _Fine... I’m fine._

“Hey, are you okay? Damn kids. Think they’re livin’ up the thug life when they borrow their damn parent’s cars for a joyride!” I flinch back from the older guy’s hand by sheer habit and then feel like a moron when he looks down at me concerned.  “Hey now. Are you okay? Did you hit your head?”

“I.. yes. Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”  He helps me to my feet and hands me my satchel. A small part of me wonders if he’d be as nice if he knew I had almost four thousand dollars in there, then I feel like an ass for being so uncharitable. “Thank you so much. I’m fine- just bumped my head on the step there.” I jerk my head to the left, indicating the pawn shop’s stoop.

“No problem, miss. You be careful now. Have a good night.”  He gives me a searching look for a second then seems to shrug and continue his business.

I bit my tongue a good one. Between it and my head I just want to go to sleep. The rest of the walk to my hotel is thankfully uneventful. Logan, Erik and Charles have settled down, knowing that my head was pounding.  I skip the shower and just strip, wanting to be in my jammies and go to bed. I have a lot to think about.  Colorado. I’d never been there before, and it seemed kind of weird to just show up on someone’s doorstep, but I had to trust that Charles knew what he was talking about. Surely he had his own best interests at heart. He wouldn’t do anything to mess up getting out of my head.

Maybe they respected my wishes. That or Charles is still wary of my little temper tantrum from before, because I sleep like the dead. If I dreamt, I don’t remember it.

The next morning Erik is with me again when we go to the address from the ebay bid.

 _Can I ask you something?_  He seems a little surprised, but I get the feeling of assent.   _Does it bother you that Charles is calling the shots? I mean, you’re not exactly a wuss here. Before he got here you were... I don’t know. Different somehow._

He smiles as I slide into the cab. _I have been friends with Charles for... a very long time._

_How did you meet?_

_He saved my life._

Unwittingly the image of Logan offering  the seventeen year old me his beef jerky pops in my head. Even more unwittingly, the image of him lying on the ruined mattress, his face soft in sleep pops into my head and I feel my face heat with a blush.

Erik laughs.   _And does this still make you blush? How remarkable. You have in your head the very best and worst of humanity, and a yet you still are emabarassed at the memory of your lover._

I do the mental equivalent of a shocked sputter while Erik laughs again.  _To answer your question yes. A very long time ago I made the mistake of not trusting Charles. I thought him much too idealistic. Naive.  I spent much of my early life trying to catch a monster, never realizing that I was slowly becoming a monster- just as evil  in my own right. I had the chance to... possibly eradicate part of that darkness. Charles would have done anything and everything to help me. But I..Scheiße.  We’re here._

I blinked. Erik never talked about his past. _Ever._  I knew of course. Everyone knew what had happened to him when he was a little kid. Hell, entire histories have been written about it. But he clearly did not wish to discuss it, and I had always tried to respect that.

“Miss? We’re here. That’ll be seven-fifty.”  I give him a ten and slide out of the back.  The house is actually a duplex, and I can see the car in the driveway. It’s obviously been freshly washed and waxed and I smile a little. Logan would have kicked my ass if I didn’t at least know how to make sure that the car- a late model Toyota- wasn’t at the very least roadworthy, but I appreciated the attempt to make it look nice.

“Hello there miss. Can I help you?”  The screen banged open and a balding man with glasses peered out over the tops of them. He was rail-thin and looked like a strong wind would knock him over.

I smiled. “Hello. My name is Marie Lensherr. I called last night about the car?”

It was Erik’s turn to sputter. My grin grows wider when I get the mental equivalent of seeing him shoot his coffee through his nose.

“Yes! Yes, it’s right here. It was my mother’s.”  The man’s voice chokes up for a second and I look away as he blinks back tears.

“Um..” I never know quite what to do when other people cry.

“Oh, no. Please excuse me.” He clears his throat and becomes more business-like, listing all of the car’s qualities. I notice there’s a huge dent in the right front panel.  “Quite honestly, I should never be allowed behind the wheel of a vehicle.” He points to his glasses and winks.  “It’s in excellent shape. Mother rarely drove anywhere. I just... it would just be easier if I wasn’t seeing it every day.”

I nod and pop the hood.  “Oh goodness! How nice that you know about cars. I’m afraid I was never inclined that way.”

“Yes. I.. I had a great teacher.”  Which was true. Logan was one hell of a teacher. He had us putting together and taking apart engines as part of the senior curriculum.  Hell, his finals were evil. He would take us out into the woods with the car, do something to the engine, then just stand there with a stopwatch, waiting for us to fix it and drive back to the mansion. Bobby called him MacGyver behind his back. Very,  _very_ behind his back.  The thought of Bobby and the mansion makes me sad for a moment until I shake it off.

I was glad to see that the man hadn’t lied. It seemed to be in a really good shape.  We haggled for a little bit- not very much to be honest- and ten minutes later I had the title, a Toyota and was $7000 lighter.  The man, Frank, seemed shocked that I just handed him over that much cash, but by then I had my gear in the passenger seat and the keys in my hand. I stopped at Radio Shack and bought a GPS and was on my way. I grinned to myself.  As screwed up as everything was, it was still nice to finally be on my way. It wasn’t until I was driving on I-90 that I thought of the slight hitch in Charles’ plans.

_Charles... you know that I never gained control of my skin. That’s why I got the cure in the first place. Have you thought that I might not be able to... fix you?_

_Nonsense, my dear. At the risk of sounding like one of your teachers- I believe that you can do anything that you want to do._ I feel tears deep in my throat. As freaky as this is, I’m sort of glad that I’m not alone in all this.

 _You were never alone, kid._ Logan’s mutter is very faint, but it still causes me to blink hard. I suddenly miss him, and feel ridiculous for doing so. I was the one that took off, right?

_Sometimes I wish that I hadn’t gotten the cure. I never thought... I never thought that I would feel so empty._

_Ah. Well, that is actually part of what I wished to tell you. Now you must prepare yourself. This is going to be a bit of a shock._ I sit up straight, gripping the wheel a little harder. If Charles Xavier, the man who takes weird mutations as a matter of course over his morning tea (Earl Grey, hot.) tells me to prepare for a shock, you know it’s gonna be pretty epic.

_The thing about the cure is... it’s not what we thought. Your so-called cure? It isn’t permanent, Rogue._ "


	4. Chapter 4

 

**An Interlude**

 

 _Okay you bald-headed bastard. What the hell are you up to? Why’d you pick Marie?_ Logan crosses his arms over his chest, glaring down at Charles and Erik as they play chess. _She was messed up enough with all that cure bullshit.  Why’d you pick her?_

Charles raises one eyebrow. _Logan, please, have a seat.  We can be civilized. We have much to discuss._ He just knows Erik is rolling his eyes.  Erik and Logan have never gotten along, either in Rogue’s mind or out of it. He could hardly expect them to start now, but it would be nice if they’d make an effort.

 _Fuck you, Wheels. I don’t hear any answers there. Why’d you pick her? She don’t need your brain mucking up what she’s going through._ He sends the memory of the cure killing her skin, of her writhing in agony. Both Charles and Erik wince.

 _And yet our Rogue has kept you under lock and key_. Erik raises a lighter and lights his own cigarette. _Pretty telling, meinst du nicht?_

Logan rushes forward, his face white with fury. Erik, expecting it, whirled to face him, the chair clattering against the floor. Charles jumps up in time to hold Logan and Erik back from each other with one hand on either man’s chest.   _Sit. Down._ He puts a touch of his gift behind each word and both men sit as far from each other as they possibly can.

 _To answer your question, I picked Rogue since I knew that she would be less likely to panic if I started talking to her in her head. To my great regret, it took several days for my ‘self’ to manifest. Had I been earlier I would have done my level best to stop her from taking that sham of a cure._  Charles sighs, idly playing with a rook as he thinks. Erik is staring at his twisting fingers. Logan doesn’t look away from his eyes. _You two are more... shadows of Rogue’s subconscious. With her mut... her former mutation... she would take on the thoughts and personalities of whomever she touched. Through working with her, we discovered that the stronger personalities tended to ‘stick,’ while the less adamant personalities faded into obscurity, much like their borrowed mutations._

 _Like Pyro?_ Logan is caught in Charles’ explanation despite himself.

_Exactly so. The major difference is that my use of Rogue’s mind is temporary. I fully intend to regain the use of another body, and once that feat is accomplished Rogue will no longer have me ‘in her head’ as you say._

Erik sits up, his face pulling down in a frown. _Wait. Does that mean that this is temporary?_ He gestures with his hand from Charles’ solemn face to his own. His frown is more pronounced when Charles simply nods.

Logan switches his cigar to the other side of his mouth and inhales deeply while he thinks. _Okay. So explain that Danvers bitch._

_Ah. Yes, well that is actually what gives me hope that my plan will work. You see, Ms. Danvers was the first personality that Rogue was able to successfully control._

_She shouldn’ta been on that mission in the first place. At least not with Scooter. You had to know that was gonna go to shit with him still being all fucked up over Jeannie._

Charles just stares at him. He’s much too polite to roll his eyes, but it is fairly obvious that he wishes to do so. _Regardless, she was able to successfully purge the more ... shall we say ... uncouth aspects of Ms. Danvers personality, yet still keep her powers. Well at least until she took that cure._

Erik stands and crosses to the drink cart, pouring himself a scotch and tossing it back.  His back is rigid. Logan isn’t exactly the feelings whisperer, but even _he_ can tell that something was wrong. _So what is our timetable? It seems that this will take some time. Especially if we have to shake the Wolverine when he finds out that she is not coming back to that mansion._

Charles sighs again. Logan looks the slightest bit smug. _I agree, old friend. But perhaps we should wait to discuss our plans further. Rogue is, after all, rather important to any decisions that we do make._

Erik nods and sets down the glass. He doesn’t comment that his fingers are just slightly shaking. He looks over at Charles again and his eyes soften.   _Chess?_

Charles’ smile lights up the room.

 

* * *

 

Erik wasn’t normally one to admit to nervousness. Raven had always considered him to be more of a balls-to-the-wall and brazen it out sort of guy.  Charles, for those few months that he had not been ashamed to call Erik his friend, had constantly looked for some sort of good in him, like a talisman that he refused to relinquish. Charles had seen his darkness. He knew Erik’s mind. Yet he _still_ \- even decades after Erik had taken his own group of miscreants and split to what would later be the Brotherhood,  believed that Erik would triumph over his own darkness in the end.

 

Erik felt his eyes roll in their customary pull as he pushed himself a little bit harder, his muscles burning just slightly as he ran around the mansion.  Running had always helped him to think. Erik rather enjoyed being out in the elements, and often considered that the closest that he would ever come to contentment was here in the dreamscape of Rogue’s mind.

 

The fact that he nor the mansion actually existed was neither here nor there.  That thought had caused him to snort.

 

Erik wasn’t a fool.  He knew that his ... existence was not real. However much of the real “him” Rogue had absorbed had changed so completely, that often Erik was left wondering if _anything_ was even based in reality. Was he actually thinking these things? Was this somehow just a dream in Rogue’s mind?  Since Charles had returned so miraculously (and he had grieved just as much, more even, than any of Charles’ students had done when he learned that Charles had been murdered by the Phoenix) it was as though Erik was somehow stronger. The bitterness of his regrets... well. They had not faded away precisely, but they no longer made him burn with shame. Perhaps that dark, dreamlike time of mourning had helped to purge them.

 

He ran a little faster, pushing himself, enjoying the burn as his lungs forced oxygen into his lungs. Charles’ explanation to him and the Wolverine had filled him with a sudden and shocking fear. If he was... _more_ with Charles, then how would he survive without him?

 

Of course, as maudlin as the thought was, Erik had been wondering a variant of the same question for over forty years.  

 

Charles had kept the specifics of his plan very close to his chest.  That had hardly changed over the years.  Experience had made him a cautious man. Denied the chance to help Charles with his scheme- for surely any plan that involved some kind of .... consciousness switch had to be completely in the realm of science fiction; Erik instead found himself interacting with Rogue much, much more than he had ever intended.

 

She was rather delightful. Intelligent, independent, witty, fierce... and had utterly loathed him from the second he “woke” in her head.  With good reason of course.  Erik wasn’t too fond of people who had attempted to kill him either, but to be fair he never found himself sharing a mind with any of them.  

 

Erik turned the corner, his sneakers sliding a little on the loose gravel. His lungs burned as he ran, his body tightening as his muscles shifted and stretched under his skin. He could feel his sweat as it slid down his forehead. He was lost for awhile in just the feel of the burn of this younger body that he now found himself in.  He doubted that he could have ever actually ran this fast when he was a younger man given the number of packs of cigarettes he had smoked every week.

 

Still, while he could he would enjoy it.

 

“Erik?”

 

Charles stood, leaning against a concrete pillar.  Erik almost ran right by him before the tentative tone in his voice had him almost skidding to a cartoonish stop.  He wiped his brow with his arm and steeled himself to meet Charles’ eyes. Erik was aware that his behavior had been a little ... _off_ while Charles was providing his earlier explanations.  He just hadn’t expected his friend to notice. Which was rather asinine of him. Charles was extremely perceptive. Erik liked to think that Charles was extremely perceptive when it came to ... _him._

 

“Would you care for a drink?” Charles nodded towards the two lawn chairs set near a pitcher of lemonade.

 

Erik shrugged, then softened the curt gesture with a small smile. “That sounds good, thank you.” He was horribly aware of how stilted he sounded.  He stretched so that his muscles wouldn’t lock up and collapsed rather ungracefully onto the chair.  Charles gave him a fond smile before pouring him a drink of the lemonade.

 

“Do you want to discuss it, Erik? Your mind has been... occupied as of late. With very good reason, of course.” Charles’ hand wave encompasses the strangely idyllic setting in which they now find themselves.

 

Erik snorts, then drains his glass of lemonade. “Where to start, old friend?”

 

Charles sighs and undoes the top two buttons on his dress shirt, tilting his face so that he looks up at the sun. All at once he looks so mouth-watering that Erik fumbles for the pitcher so that he won’t grab him. It is more difficult than he expected, seeing his friend so young, so much like the Charles he has not been able to bring himself to quite forget.  

 

_Scheiße!_

 

Erik is quite honest enough with himself to admit that he was pretty much fucked.  Even this shade of Charles makes his body react.

 

He’d purposefully made his mind unassailable to Charles’ mutation with the helmet. Rogue had accused him  of looking like a condom with a cape, and he’d been shocked enough at her audacity to admit that, perhaps, his guise as Magento was rather ridiculous.  Really, he should have patented the black leather before Charles had scooped it up for his own, but as they say hindsight is ever 20/20. Still, he did not think that causing Charles to believe that he had done so out of disgust of his telepathic abilities was one of his better decisions.

 

“Perhaps.... perhaps if I could make an observation.”  Charles was still stretched out towards the sun, not looking at Erik. Which is perhaps a good thing, since the rather goofy grin on his face makes him look utterly ridiculous.  “Of course.” He gulps at the lemonade, licking a stray drop that rolls onto his lips.

 

“If I were infallible, we would not be here right now. I do know that I managed a rather spectacular cock-up, you realize.”

 

Erik chokes.  He can count the number of times on one hand that Charles had admitted to being wrong.   Charles turns lazily to where Erik is sure that his face is beet-red. He hastily sets down the glass and schools his face into something more impassive.  

“How so?”

Charles waved his hand about. “Oh you know. Rogue is tremendously intelligent, and I admit that I am pleased that she is strong enough of mind to handle having her... peanut gallery, as she so charmingly refers to us. I am afraid that things on... the outside, as it were will get worse before they get better.” Charles reaches out and grabs Erik’s hand. “I am... grateful that you are here, old friend. I hope you do realize that.”

Erik blinks, feels the smile stretch his face. “I do.” He takes Charles’ hand and turns it over, rubbing the palm with his thumbs. “Charles. I am yours to do with what you wish, but I would rest easier if I knew what you planned. How exactly do you plan to use Rogue and the Wolverine to get your body back?”

Charles smiles faintly, a slight flush high on his cheeks at Erik’s touch. Erik feels as though Juggernaut hit him directly in the chest. He has to force himself not to react, and drops Charles’ hand with a small smile of his own.

“Ah. Well. That will take quite a bit of explanation....”

* * *

* * *

  
**Logan**

**[Six weeks later...]**

_It hurts. I can feel it when they cut me open, feel the acidic mixture they use to coat the open wounds where they flayed me. Part of my mind is screaming, not knowing why I agreed to this._

_Because that’s the worst part. Knowing that I signed up for this. That I allowed them to turn me into this.  But no, I never would have agreed to the experimentation, the endless torture after torture. Would I?_

_It doesn’t really matter. The adamantium burns as it coats my bones. It burns as it hardens, as my healing factor tries to get rid of the foreign substance. My head falls back as I scream and I can see them, laughing and toasting each other. Their scents are trapped in the small room, their desire and disgust and cockiness lapping over everything._

_I turn my head and scream as a new volley of the adamantium coats my toes, my hipbones, my pelvic area. I hear them laugh about possibly coating my dick in the stuff and it must be a sign of how fucked up I am that I don’t even react.  A figure in a dark cloak catches my attention and I instinctively know that they mean me no harm. I watch as the figure comes close, and I can hear my cracked vocal cords begging, pleading for help, to kill me, to make the pain stop.  I catch the scent and know she is female and safe and --_

_I am waking up from my nightmare with my claws impaling Marie’s chest, her wide, shocked eyes starting to feel the pain from my attack._

_“Somebody Help!”  It’s useless. There is no way to take this back. I’ve killed this sweet kid... this innocent girl. Her eyes cloud with pain, and her lips tremble as she forms my name. “Logan...”_

_No I’m sorry, please no..._

_A brush of her hand on my cheek and I can smell the death on her skin. Only there’s this pull. I feel weak. I can see the lines on her face as my life energy is sucked out of me, and then it clicks and I’m grateful for her mutation, no her gift it’s a gift it’s a gift that’s gonna save her..._

I wake up with my claws extended and for a second I’m not sure if I’ve cried out or not. My body was covered with sweat and I’d kicked off the sheets again.  Living at Mutant High has cured my tendency to sleep naked, but the sweats I’m wearing feel just as clammy as my skin. It’s about an hour until sunrise. I look out the window while I try to shake off the nightmare.  I’ve been dreamin’ about this shit for years. It doesn’t take a damn head-shrink to figure out the addition of Marie to my dreams, but it’s an added complication I don’t really need.

I gave ‘Ro her week.  There had been a lot to do- not only around the mansion, but in general. I took on teaching history in addition to self-defense and mechanics, and had kept busy enough around the mansion. I didn’t actually see ‘Ro very much. Furball was out and about, trying to calm down some of the shitstorm Magneto and Jean had created before it imploded in our faces. I’m not sure the students were all that thrilled with the teaching team of me, ‘Ro, and BAMF boy, but given the recent events they were lucky to get much of anything.

The temperature was getting slightly cooler and I figured that I had enough time before the mutant munchkins were going to be up and about; enough time anyway to go for a run. Suddenly I wanted to be outside so badly I could barely breathe. The room still stank of the sweat from my nightmare.  I took a few minutes to put on some shoes and socks. What? You try running barefoot with metal bones in your damn foot, see how comfortable it is for you before you judge me.  

No one was up when I went downstairs. I entered the alarm and took off into the woods with a steady lope that let my body work just hard enough that I could filter out all the junk and just think without worrying about my body.  Besides. Doing something physical always put me in a better mood. Usually it was fucking or fighting though, but there sure as hell was a lack of that around here. Responsibility sucked goat dick. That’s why I tended to avoid it at all costs.

Only... this really wasn’t a bad gig.  Complacency usually scared the shit out of me, but I was honest enough to know that I owed these people something. If nothing else, I owed it to Chuck’s memory. He might have been an idealistic, arrogant ass, but he really had done good. Real, honest good for the kids here.  I jumped over a few rocks to avoid the stream, then continued through the dark woods, upping my speed a little.

Things would have been a lot more fucked up if I hadn’t gone up to the little Iceprick and offered an apology.  I still wanted to gut him on occasion, but his face when I tossed him the Playboys was pretty damn funny.  I didn’t think we’d ever be best buds or anything, but I knew that I had ... possibly overreacted. Maybe. A little.

I was glad that he found the Kittycat to help make him feel better, but damn if every time I saw that kid the image of him jumping up with his junk flopping around was pretty much burned in my retinas.  I had caught the Firecracker giving me a few dark looks when I didn’t break up their little makeout session. I wouldn’t say that I encouraged them, exactly. I mean, it was a teacher’s responsibility to make sure they practiced safe sex, right? Giving the Iceprick the rubbers was just me being ... responsible.  It had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted his mind off of Marie.

Yeah, I wouldn’t believe that shit either.

I felt my lips twist in a smirk as I ran through the woods, turning at the clearing to come out past the gates on the main road. The Furball had actually been kind of badass. He and a few of Chuck’s old students had taken it upon themselves to try to do some kind of damage control. Lots of news footage of them putting the Golden Gate back in order. Working with engineers to make sure everything was safe. There was an older lady who had the ability to go so fast that she was just a blur to the naked eye, and the image of her flying out of nowhere to save some politician from falling off the rocky edge of Alcratraz had sure helped.  

When the news came out that some of the batches of the cure were temporary the shit had really hit the fan.  When the Furball had discovered that some of the batches were even mixed with a sterilization agent, the shit had not only hit the fan, but had buffered the osculating blades in such a way that even the norms had gotten involved.  Sure, repress mutants for years but get someone’s right to get knocked up (or knock someone up) involved and suddenly we had people marching for us, picketing Washington, screaming for mutant rights.

Weird as fuck, man.

When I had heard that not even ‘Ro’s promise could keep me tied to this place. I had been terrified for Marie. Still was. I had found hints of her trail, but the obvious extent which she had gone to make sure that I didn’t follow her plus my responsibilities at the mansion had kept me from going after her. The reports said that some of the mutations came back so strongly that it was like their bodies were getting revenge for all the elapsed time their mutation had been repressed. She had taken it so that she could have a chance at a normal life, and the idea that it wasn’t real....

*BAMF*

I skidded to a stop, my heart thudding in my chest. It was only by the fact that I had long-since recognized Kurt’s scent as ‘friend’ that he didn’t end up with six inches of metal in his throat.

“Wolverine! I haff been sent for you. There is emergency! You are needed.”

The adrenaline from my run barely had time to boil up before he grabs my wrist and _bamfs_ me back to the mansion.  That shit always makes my head spin.  A couple of months back I realized that I didn’t want to lose the advantage of surprise I’d have if I were ever _bamfed_ into a situation, and that had resulted in a very amused Wagner _bamfing_ me from place to place to place. The little fucker had even produced a little barf bag for me. Once I was able to get used to the feeling, I was able to control my nausea which is the only reason I didn’t puke all over the place when he set me in the middle of the hallway. ‘Ro and the Furball were both there, along with a woman I didn’t recognize.

“What’s up?”

“Logan. Thank the goddess you are here. Kurt wasn’t sure if he’d be able to find you.” ‘Ro sounded relieved and I try very hard not to stare at her in her nightgown. Resolutely, I keep my eyes above her neckline, the static electricity incident firmly in my mind. I popped my neck, staring hard at the skinny broad. She smelled of barely restrained panic. I could see her pulse jumping in her throat. She had one hand placed on the Furball’s fuzzy arm and I could see the faint tremors that caused her hand to shake.

“Yeah. What’s the problem then? Who is she?”

“You are the one they call Wolverine?”  Her voice has a slight accent, but I can’t quite place it. It’s only when she turns to me, tilting her face up that I can see that she is blind. Her eyes have no color to them.

I nod, then fell like a dick for nodding when she can’t see me and answer her question.“Yeah. What’s it to you? Who the hell are you, lady?”

“My name is Irene. Irene Adler. And I have news about your Rogue. She’s in terrible, terrible danger!”

The _snikt_ of my claws cause Beast to step forward, turning so that he was in front of her.  “Now, Logan. You are being quite rude. Ms. Adler has come to us with a warning. She is not threatening Rogue.”

Marie would have known that I popped claws because I was nervous, not because I was angry. It was that more than anything that had me breathing deeply, physically trying to calm myself.  

“You’re right.” My low growl seems to startle all four of them. “Sorry, ma’am. I’m a little, jumpy when it comes to mention of Rogue.” Kurt snorts not-quite under his breath and I turn to glare. My “Watch it, bub.” doesn’t seem to intimidate him at all.  That’s the worst part about being seen hanging out with the fuckin rugrats- they start to think that I’m a lot less dangerous than I really am.

“This is, perhaps, not a discussion for the hallway. Kurt, will you post that morning classes are cancelled? Logan, perhaps you can meet us in the briefing room. Hank, if you could please escort our guest there so that we can discuss this?”

“Of course, Ororo. Ms. Adler, if you will kindly follow me.”

I don’t know how much ‘Ro is paying herself for being headmistress, but she can diffuse a tense situation quicker’n anyone I know. I get the subtext: change, calm down or you won’t be invited to play, loud and fucking clear. I run hard upstairs to dive into some clean clothes, and almost knock over the little Firecracker.  

“Whoa! You’re lookin’ good there, boss.” She clutches at my arms for balance.  “Sorry about that. What’s got you so freaked?”

“Not now, Jubes. I’ll catch you later.”  I’m in such a hurry that I don’t even realize that I’ve called her Marie’s nickname until something on her face flickers and softens.

“Oh. Uh, okay. But make sure you find me later okay? I have.. uh. I have something important to tell you.”

“Yeah, kid.” I shut the door in her face and drop trou, jumping in what is probably the quickest shower in the history of the world. I wiggled into my jeans and a tank and running back downstairs before I realize that I didn’t even take the time to dry my hair.  I shake my head, making one of the little kids laugh when I spray her with water, like a dog.  It’s been maybe ten minutes since I ran upstairs and I open the door of the briefing room, sliding inside and sitting down.

Hank is waiting with the woman. Kurt _bamfs_ in about the same time as ‘Ro slips inside the room.

“Okay. Talk.”  Warmer and fuzzier me or not, my voice books no argument.  The woman takes a deep breath and turns slightly.

“I... I know that this will sound bizarre, but please bear with me  My name is Destiny, and my gift is that of precognition.”  

“Vat is that?”

“I can see the future.”

I want to call bullshit, but I have for damn sure seen some weirder shit in my life, so I bite my tongue to keep quiet while she explains.

“My gift is not very powerful. I have rarely gotten very strong visions, but when I do, things happen very much like what I see. But.. not always. Sometimes I am able to get specific visions for specific people if I concentrate.  For instance, I could be watching the news, and will get a flash of something involving one of the people on the screen.  Sometimes the visions are stronger when I touch or when I know the person, but that is not usually necessary to trigger them.” She reached out to slide against the glass of water. She drinks it, seeming grateful for the slight distraction to order her thoughts.

“Yesterday while making my lunch, I got perhaps what is one of the strongest visions I have experienced since I was very young.  I saw a young woman. She was walking in a crowd, and you were beside her. That is how I knew you, you see. You were upset about something and had lagged a few steps behind.” Her voice is slow, measured. I can almost picture what she says, and that more than anything sends my instincts screaming. I can feel the hair on my arms stand straight up.

“The crowd of people were somewhat indistinct, but Rogue is walking with a tall man in a black turtleneck, and a slightly shorter man with very dark hair and blue eyes. The man with the turtleneck throws his head back and laughs and the sight makes Rogue smile. She tucks a strand of the white streak of hair behind her ear. Then, it is as if I am you. We see it in the crowd, a sense of something that should not be. Something is very wrong. Rogue does not notice the danger and when we call out a warning she does not hear. Then- a gun. A shot.”

Her voice was almost frantic now, words tumbling over themselves as she spoke. “People are screaming. We see the man in the turtleneck grab the shoulders of his friend and try to protect him with his body but we have jumped forward, our claws sliding against the floor.  For a moment everything is calm and Rogue turns to us, her eyes very wide. We say ‘Jesus! Fucking thank Jesus Marie you’re okay--.’”

‘Ro gasps and I’m pretty much as freaked out as I’ve ever been. Adler’s voice lowered when she spoke. Changed. Her voice sounded exactly like mine, complete with a growl that her vocal cords shouldn’t be able to make.  I couldn’t take my eyes from her blind gaze as she finished her story.

“--and the red blooms over her heart slowly. It’s so slow and we think that we can stop it. We know we can but she’s falling, sliding down to the filthy floor.  We hold her, can smell the death on her, hear her heartbeat slowing... slowing... so dangerously slow. She reaches up to touch our face and... and... the crowd. Screams from the crowd, screams from the sirens screaming... from our throat screaming No Marie no hurts our ears it hurts Marie no don’t leave me no, it hurts hurts hurts _huuurts_...” The last word raises in a howl that sends my nuts crawling up in my body, my eyes bugging out. I can smell the rank odor of her fear, and my stomach churns.

“Stop!” The word rips from my throat.  I can’t even register the shocked looks on the team’s faces. I can still see the picture her words painted in my head and knock over my chair as I back up, swiping at the air with my claws as though I can wipe away the movie of Marie being shot that’s playing in my head. I just breathe for awhile, slowly retracting my claws, the familiar, repetitive sound not doing anything to calm me down.

Adler was crying softly, her forehead against the table. “I’m suh.. I’m so sorry. Please believe me.... “ ‘Ro calmed her down, which is probably a good thing since Furball, Bamf boy and I had about the same knowledge of what to do with a hysterically crying woman. Her fingers slid over ‘Ro’s cheekbones, over the white shock of her hair. Slowly she began to calm down, getting her breathing under control.

“Rogue has only contacted me by email since she left. I did give her a phone- well, you found it, didn’t you? When you found Scott’s car?”

I nodded dumbly. All I wanted to do was to go, to escape to find Marie. It was damn near impossible for me to just wait there, but I didn’t know if this chick was crazy or not. This had seemed a little too real to be bullshit, as much as I wanted it to be. “Yeah. She left it in the car so we couldn’t track her. Look, I don’t mean to be a dick here,” Okay.. I probably did. “But what makes you so sure that I can change this? You said that your “visions”,” my voice told the whole room what I think of her so-called gift, “aren’t always one-hundred percent. What makes you think that this one is?”

I start prowling around the room, thinking as I walk, trying not to picture her damn words. For a moment she is silent, then she cringed,  her scent changes to shame.

“Because she is my daughter.” Her whisper was so soft that the words probably wouldn’t have carried across the room, but to me it was as though she shouted them. I blinked, staring into her wet, sightless eyes. The only other sound in the room was the air conditioning coming on.

“Ms. Adler, do you have any sense of time? What I am saying is, can you tell us when these terrible things will come to pass?”  Furball’s normally calm voice is a tad shaky.  I can’t really blame him. I feel like every muscle in my body is practically vibrating. Marie would snort and call me the world’s grouchiest turning fork. The thought makes the worry and barely restrained guilt that I’ve kept firmly shoved in the back of my mind more solid. Suddenly I miss her so much that my throat tightens painfully.

“No.”

‘Ro tapped her chin as she thought.  “You said that you can search through these visions; that you are able to relive them. Is that true?”

“Yes.” She took a deeply shuddering breath and drained the rest of her water. Furball almost tripped  over himself to get her another glass, his gentlemanly manner so ingrained that it is obvious he’s acting deep in thought.

“Is it possible for you to focus on other things in the vision? What I mean is, do you control what you see or does it just come at you?Could you watch it from the guy in the turtleneck’s point of view?”

“I...yes.”

The scent of satisfaction is so strong that I’m surprised the others sitting around ‘Ro can’t smell it.

“You said that you and Logan are in a crowd. Could you switch what you see? Perhaps different details? Such as a cell phone display or a watch from one of the bystanders in the crowd?”  Outwardly ‘Ro’s voice is as calm as ever. Inwardly I can hear her heart rate pounding.

“I... I do not know. I can try.”

Kurt’s gaze meets my own and I realize that I’m nervously popping my knuckles, waiting for her to go through that crazy shit in her head.

“November 12th.”

I about broke the little phone getting it out of my pocket.  It was the 7th. “Son of a _Bitch_! So where do we look for her? It’s not like we can get ol’ Wheels to hook up to Cebero. Believe me. I tried to find her.”

“Ah. The _Fräulein_ has perhaps listened a little too well to your tracking lessons, yes?” Kurt’s tail swished from side to side, like a particularly frazzled cat’s. “Still, we haff to perhaps put the word out to some of the other safehouses, other _freundlich_ mutants.”

“I do not know how much help that would be. She completely ran away once, and that was when she was much younger. Oh my stars and garters, our Rogue ,might not know about that damnable cure!” The furball’s eyes widen behind his glasses.

“I think we’re missing something here. Logan- did you ask her friends to make sure they hadn’t contacted her? As I said, I received an email six weeks or so ago, but surely she wouldn’t have just completely ignored her friends?”

The idea that not so long ago I would have been one of those friends absolutely fucking guts me. I start prowling around the room again, and barely acknowledge ‘Ro when she gently suggests that maybe I would be more comfortable outside. Translation: I’m scaring the shit out of our guest so make yourself scarce for awhile.

Escaping back outside is a relief. Kids scatter when they see my face as I stalk down the hallway, almost running outside. The cold air is a slight shock to my body as I slide into my fighting stance. Granted, chopping firewood probably wasn’t what Stryker had in mind when he remade me, but the adamantium was pretty fucking effective.  

I can’t say how long I was out there. There’s a pretty impressive stack of wood to my left through.  I stop for a minute, wiping my hand across my forehead. I smell beer and Jubilee and almost grin. I hold out my hand and she hands me the cold beer.  She really is a good kid.

“Dayum, boss. You look like a lumberjack porno or something.”

I choke. I think if I could actually smell arousal on her I might have started running, but she’s more worried and nervous than anything. She flashes me her trademark grin and I finish my beer, stretching a little so that my muscles don’t stiffen on me.

“Nice. You’ve got a dirty mind.”

“Course I do! But.. actually there’s something else that I want to tell you. I’ve wanted to, but.. she made me promise not to only I’m kind of worried that she’s gonna do something stupid.” Jubilee froze in mid sentence, her eyes widening as she stared at me. Prudently she took a few steps back. I try to tone it down. The only other time she’d seen me in full-on Wolverine mode was when she tried to sneak in the mansion all bruised and bloodied after a date had gone wrong. I’m such a fucking idiot. Of _course_ Marie would tell Jubilee where she’d gone. Those two had been practically joined at the hip.

“I seem to to recall a conversation we had...”

The girl winced. She looks miserable. Even the yellow she’s wearing seems to droop.  “I know,” she whispered. “I wanted to tell you.”

I nodded.  She had tried to talk to me several times over the past few days. Obviously I had my head too far up my ass to put two and two together.  We walked a few steps to the wood pile and she leaned against it, still looking at the ground. “It’s just that she’s gonna be wicked pissed when she finds out that I told you. But I don’t know what to do! She’s acting like an idiot!”

“Look, kid. If you know where she is, I.. I really need to know.”

Jubilee sighed.  “Okay so, you know that she was in a pretty rough spot, right? I thought it was Bobby and Kitty that had really messed her up, but she says that wasn’t why she had to leave. She won’t tell me exactly why either, which is damn annoying. So I thought it was that stupid cure thing.  She was so happy, boss. I mean, for a second her whole face looked like it was Christmas and her birthday at the same time.  I think you were down in the lab with Ms. Grey and  she just couldn’t wait to tell you.  She like took off down to the sublevel and boom. The next thing she was ... I don’t know. Brittle. So sad. I know we were all hit hard when the Professor and Mr. Summers were killed, but... she had just seemed so happy. Excited that she could be normal.”

I winced.  Thanks to the Iceprick I knew what she had seen. I had very carefully ignored what ‘Ro and the Furball had told me about Jean controlling my mind.  It seemed much too pat to say I had acted out of character with her.  I had wanted to make her feel better about Scooter, and had been more than willing to let my dick do the work.  Her being back had messed with my head, sure... but I can’t say that I wouldn’t have finished what we’d started if I had had a chance.

The thing that I was having trouble with was the fact that Marie had seen me. I felt... bad about it. Guilty. I felt like I had really fucked up, and believe you me that was not a normal reaction. I couldn’t figure out why either. Why was this such a big deal? Why could I not stop thinking about it?

“So I send her an email, right? She said she was okay and I didn’t think much about it. Then... like she doesn’t talk to me for almost a week and a half! And when she does, all of the sudden she’s freaking out over this Remy guy, and he’s hot don’t get me wrong, but it’s like. Okay I’ve done some stupid stuff, you know,  boss? Stuff that would make my ma cringe or whale my ass if she knew. But Marie’s not like that. I’m all for her having fun and all, but it feels like she’s forcing it.”

I hear the rest through kind of a high-pitch whine in my head.  Jubilee moves quicker than anything I’ve ever seen her do before, bringing up her fireworks and knocking me on my ass before I can fully process that she moved.  She stares down at me.  I blink up at her.  

“You.. You looked like...” She stuttered, still shocked.

“Er.”

“Boss? Um. Wolvie, man? You really have got to take a couple of steps back from this protective thing you have  going for her. For a second you almost seemed...”

My mind wasn’t moving too quickly. Part of me was ashamed that I over-reacted, and part of me was proud that she had gotten the drop on me. Maybe that’s why her words weren’t making any sense. “What?” I hauled myself up to my feet. For a second I thought I saw her give me a really strange look but by the time I dusted my ass off she had her face perfectly blanked, although her eyes were still wide. “Sorry. It’s been a strange day. If you know where she is though...”

“I don’t. I wish I did.” I can smell no lie on her. “But if she emails me again, do you want me to text you?”

I made a face. I hate those fucking things.  But I nod. I goad her lazy ass into helping me move the firewood to the side of the garage, and the next hour or so passes normally enough that I can forget that I almost gutted the poor kid for telling me that Marie had a boyfriend.

Several hours later found me staring out my window again. I feel completely useless, and don’t fucking much like the feeling. It’s not that the Geeks don’t want to find her- it’s just that there’s no way for us to do it. Kurt was right. She had done a really bang-up job of covering up her tracks. ‘Ro was muttering under breath about how much they had counted on the Professor’s ability to find who they wanted, whenever they wanted. From a strategic standpoint- it was probably a good thing that that metallic fucker was out of commission since we weren't exactly operating at optimal levels.  

There was shit I could be doing.  My lesson plans were more lectures than that that book crap, but I still had to make sure I was meeting the state standards and to my everlasting regret that took time.   I accidentally made some of the littler kids puke when I told them about World War II. I guess I really brought history to life. Plus the fact that I made them run a half-mile for every test question they missed might have helped. It helped that I could smell whether or not the little shits actually knew the answer.  I also had Danger Room sessions to design, and I was pretty sure it was my week for dish duty.

Yeah. Not feelin’ it. Just staring out the window, keeping my mind as close to blank as I could was much more my speed.

I had actually almost dozed off when my phone rang. I thought about ignoring it, then remembered it could be Jubilee and grunted as I hauled my weight up to go get my phone off of the nightstand.

Now, I don’t claim to be psychic or any of that frufru bullshit. But when I heard the ring I just knew. If I had more of a poetic soul, I’d probably say something like she felt my worry from wherever she was and wanted to talk to me.  It had to be.  I stared at my phone like a complete and utter dumbass before I realized that I had just about missed the call. I heard the plastic creak when I hit the call button.

“Hey, Sugah.”

I had about two seconds of pure relief as my eyes slid shut with thanks before total and absolute fury took over. “Where the fucking  mother _fuck_ are you?!” The words were so low in my throat that for a second I wasn’t sure if I just growled them or not.

“Oh dear. I suppose I should have expected a certain degree of bloody awkwardness.”

“Awkward? Why should anything be awkward? You just took off!”  I was so pissed off that it took a few minutes for my brain to catch up to not what was being said, but how it was being said.

“Logan, I am afraid I need your assistance and I don’t have a lot of time for your customary reaction to things that you cannot control. Let me just say this: I will need a little bit of time and quite a bit of luck, but if you do not cease this absurd growling I will do my best to make sure you spend the rest of your days under the belief that you are a six-year old girl.”

I almost drop the fucking phone.

“Pro _fes_ sor?!

“Indeed. Now listen quickly. As you have no doubt surmised, I am linked with Rogue. It is a terribly long story, but I do not have much time. We are in Kremling, Colorado, near Denver. It appears that someone, or some _ones_ are violently opposed to Rogue’s continued existence.  She absolutely refused to contact the mansion for assistance. I am taking quite a lot of effort to hide this conversation from her mind, so be aware that when you arrive she will not know that I called you here on her behalf. Now shut your mouth and get a move on.” He paused and I shut my mouth. Marie’s voice bouncing from proper British poshness to the deep southern twang I lo---.

“Sugah.”

Now _that_ was just fucking creepy.

 

* * *

 

TBC! 


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5-**

 

When I left the X-Men, I can’t say that I ever thought I’d be working as a bartender.  I had the peanut gallery practically vibrating with disapproval every time I put on a slinky tank top and leather pants to go to work, but hey. The tips were pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself.

“What do you need, Rave?”

“Two Molsen’s, three shots of José and a chocolate martini.”

I blinked. We didn’t get much call for martinis around these parts. Still, I did have, as Jubes would say, two of the suavest motherfuckers ever to walk the walk in my head, and between all of us we had a pretty decent repertoire of drink recipes. And what we couldn’t figure out there was always google.

We weren’t exactly in the swankiest area of Colorado. Kremmling was just a tiny little burg in the middle of nowhere. But somehow it had ended up being a mutant-friendly area, which quite frankly baffled the hell out of me. Not to be rude, but normally the small-town places tended to be full of the very small-minded.  Driving here had been strangely freeing in a way.  Aside from the initial shock of Charles telling me my mutation was temporary, I had enjoyed my road trip very much.

The idea that my mutation would eventually return had been quite a shock. Erik had done the mental equivalent of slapping Charles upside the head for telling me in the middle of traffic like that. I wasn’t the most experienced driver in the world, but had managed to keep from killing anyone as I jerked the wheel to the side of the road. I hit the brakes just in time to avoid taking out an orange construction barrel and had sat there in the break-down lane, shaking.

 _What?_ I had shrieked. I could still feel the burning sensation of the Cure killing off my mutation under my skin. Not often, and not for very long, but that wasn’t just something that your body just forgot.

 _What the fuck are you doin’,Chuck?!_ I could see Logan in my head, glaring at a worried looking Charles. Erik had even taken a step from his side and was frowning deeply.   _She almost hit that guy!_  I had. The guy in the black truck had flicked me off when I cut him off, clipping my back bumper just enough to jar my shoulder against the window.

 _Oh dear. Oh my dear I am so, so sorry. That was perhaps not the best of moments to tell you._ Charles had grasped his hands together, looking as though he might cry.

I had slowly unhinged my fingers from the steering wheel and taken a deep breath. _It’s.. not permanent?_ I had spoken slowly, feeling my throat closing up with tears.  I met my own eyes in the rear-view mirror and Charles sent me a picture of his own gaze to look back at. Both of our gazes were wet. _I’m not... it’s not..._

_No, Marie. No, it ain’t, kid._

I had just broken down there, burying my face in my hands and bawling. It was loud in the small confines of the car and  I could see all three of them give each other a panicked look and that made me start to laugh through my tears.  Erik and Logan had turned equally panicked gazes to Charles, who had rolled his eyes at their social ineptitude before sending me his mental comfort and support as he’d done countless times before.  It had shocked me that I would be so grateful for my mutation to return. How much the regret, mostly unacknowledged, had weighed me down but knowing that my mistake was some kind of mulligan was such a damn _relief_.

Slowly I had gotten myself under control and pulled back out on the busy highway. Suddenly, my super-secret random trip across America seemed much less strange, and much more like a road trip. An adventure. From then it was just a matter of getting to where we were going.  I kept to a pretty straight route, driving across Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa and Nebraska. I stopped when I wanted to stop, ate when I was hungry, and found out there wasn’t a whole hell of a lot to look at other than dead corn, wheat and bean fields in the middle of the state. Seeing the Rockies getting bigger and bigger as I drove towards them had been kind of a thrill.

“Order up!” I hollered. Rave rolled her eyes at the chocolate martini but plastered a smile on her face when she turned to deliver the drinks.

She had been another surprise. I’d been at Kremmling’s post office, staring at a community board.  Charles had been going on and on about needing a house that was ‘well off the beaten path’ and Logan and Erik had been arguing with him at the top of their mental voices about me needing to be around people and at first I hadn’t noticed the woman staring at me.  I had touched the white streak in my hair a little self-consciously and she had blushed a little, looking down.  

“Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to be rude. I was just going to put this up.” I stepped aside so that she could.  She was fairly tall, with short black hair and extremely striking eyes. I had one of those really strange moments of deja vu before she smiled again, holding out her hand.  

“Hi there. Sorry.. you just reminded me of someone. My name’s Raven. Raven Adler.”  

“Anna.”  The lie had come to my lips without me even thinking about it. No one called me Anna. But I wasn’t Rogue anymore, and I didn’t give people my real name. Something had flickered over her face when I shook her hand.  “You’re looking for a bartender?”

One black eyebrow winged up. “Yeah. Mine just quit.” She rolled her eyes. “Last time I try to hire a boyfriend. I should have known that would never work out well.”  She tilted her head. “Why, you looking for a job? It’s not much. Not quite a dive bar, but not far from it. We get college kids looking for a little adventure, and some of the rich bastards on their way to Aspen. Mix of locals and folks in from the mountain, mostly. I can give you five an hour, plus tips are yours.  On busy nights I’ll do the crowd, but most nights you’ll have to do tables and the bar. We open at three and close about two. You’ll have Mondays and Sundays off.”

My mouth must have been hanging open because she laughed and bumped my shoulder. “Come on. You need a job, right? Or were you looking for something else?”

“Yes. Thank you! Wow, I can’t believe this!”

She looked kind of critically at my sweater and jeans. “Not trying to be rude, Anna, but you might want to glam it up a little. Come by the bar tonight and I’ll get you started.”

“Wait! Where is it?”

She laughed in a way that had most of the men, and not a few of the women around us in the busy post office look around for the low sound. “Oh, it’s called Muties. On the main drag. I don’t think you can miss it, honey. See you about eight, okay?”

_Holy crap I think I just got a job! Guys? Hello?_

Erik congratulated me, but he sounded distracted. Charles seemed a little confused as well, but they wouldn’t tell me what was up. Don’t ask me how they were able to shut me out of my own mind, but it wasn’t much of a problem, believe me. I knew I should probably be more worried about stuff like that, but I knew that Charles would never shut me out of my own mind completely. It would be against his own code to completely take me over.

 _So you’re gonna be a bartender? Your parents must be so proud._ It had been so long since I heard from Carol that for a second I was actually surprised. Her mind-voice was still very faint. It must have taken her a lot to be able to project even that much.

_What could you possibly care?_

_I don’t. Believe me, I don’t. Just thought this was kinda interesting is all._

_What?_

Carol’s laugh was dark. _Oh nothing. I wouldn’t want to ruin anything._

_Ms. Danvers if you have something to say, I suggest that you, as they say, spit it out. this posturing is quite wearisome._

_That’s pretty funny coming from you._

I wrinkled my brow a little as I concentrated, pushing her bodily from the forefront of my mind. She’d always hated me, but this seemed a little odd- even for her.  I opened my eyes and saw an ad for a small one-bedroom apartment. It was above a bakery, located on the outskirts of town. I don’t know why they wouldn’t be in a much better location, but hey. Their loss.  I had stepped outside, wandering around a little.  Every view was either of mountains or of scenery so breathtaking that I felt like a total yokel for stopping and staring.  

_Rogue, we do not know how long you will be here. It could take a few days or a few weeks to properly contact Moria and ... explain the situation. You’ve done exceedingly well with finding yourself a place to live and a job to occupy your time.  And ‘Muties’ seems like it would be beneficial to our plans as well._

_This is kind of fun, Charles. Now if we can just get me a boyfriend, I’d be all set._  I was mostly joking. For a second in my head I felt a flash of hands sliding into my skin, the heat of his breath on my back and shiver, shoving _that_ little gem way, way _waywayway_ down in my brain.

 _I would be happy to assist you with this. Our minds have been twined together so intimately that I believe I am quite knowledgeable on what you wish for a gentleman lover._  My daddy had never really been the protective type, but the faint hint of protectiveness in Erik’s mind voice was impossible to ignore. Of course, if he never used the words ‘twined together intimately’ ever again, it would be too soon. Strangely when he said that my first thought wasn’t me and Logan, but Erik and Charles, and that was just.... awkward. But it did get make those long, brooding looks they were always giving each other suddenly make a lot of senc.... nah.Those two? They’d kill each other before anyone managed to get off.

It hadn’t taken very long to go to the bakery and sign the lease. The landlady seemed a little shocked when I offered her cash, but she must have made her own conclusions from the bruise on my face from that asshole driver back in New York and took first and last month’s with hardly a peep. The apartment was tiny, but stepping inside I had felt really, really grown up. I’d never had my own space before.  The first night I had unpacked my stuff from the car and had run taken a shower, trying to look a little less frumpy than I had managed on my trip so far. The best I could come up with was a pair of jeans and a pink tank top.  Yeah. Definitely was going to have to work on the clothes.

In the next few weeks, I had furnished my little apartment with the bare essentials and swung right into my new job as a bartender. Charles had been absolutely furious when we found out that Moria had gone on vacation.  Instead of speaking with her, I had made contact with someone who worked in her office, a Remy LeBeau.

I smiled to myself, thinking of Remy.  His accent was even thicker than mine. He was absolutely gorgeous. He was just slightly taller than me, and had longish brown hair that he wore behind his ears, or under a fedora that looked older than both of us put together. He wasn’t shy about having some of the bar’s regulars address him as Gambit. Out and Proud, that was Remy. I had first met him at Moria’s office. He answered the phone, and before the end of the conversation he had my name, my sign, and my phone number. A few nights later he met me at Muties. Raven had found it hilarious that I was so shy around him.  She found most things hilarious, actually.  

I noticed that we were out of Budwiser- a damn criminal offense in these parts- called out to Raven to watch the till and went back into the cooler to find some.  The cooler looked like something out of an alcoholic’s wet dream. Raven didn’t cater too much to the beer snobs, but she did keep several different brands from ale to light beer to lager stacked on shelving units. There were a few wines, along with some snacks and stuff, but most of the regulars liked their beer, so that was what Raven stocked.

I made two trips before the front was stocked well enough for a Saturday night.  We were pretty packed.  Raven had the windows open enough that a cool draft of air swirled in with the mass of bodies.  Mutants tended to be a loud lot. What blew me away was how nicely they played with the Humans. For all intents and purposes, to the mutants I was human. No one was rude. There wasn’t any overt hatred or speciesism.

I really, really liked it here.

Two arms came around my waist and I smiled when he kissed my neck.  He smelled amazing, his cologne and the faint hint of ozone that always seemed to be around him. If I had been more obvious with my own gift, I would have just asked him, but I still didn’t know what the social niceties were for humans asking a mutant what their powers were.   I mean, I had always found it rude. But I’ve been accused of being sensitive.

“Hello there, _Cherie_.” I laughed a little to cover my shiver when he nuzzled against my neck with his stubble. Faintly I heard a crash of a beer bottle hitting the floor and started to look up but Remy had turned me around and wow, could that guy kiss.  For my first real kiss, one that didn’t send anyone into a coma, it wasn’t really bad. It wasn’t great, but I don’t think I was going to doodle in my diary over it. I pulled away and swatted him on the shoulder. “Get out of here! I have a job to do, you know.”

“Ah, Remy has seen you working hard. It is time for your break, _n’est pas_? Come have a drink with me.” He tugged at my streak and smiled.

Okay, I admit his dimples did things to my knees. I shook my head though.  “Aw, sugah, I can’t. I really do have a busy night tonight.”  I saw Josiah waving from the bar, his flannel stained with something dark. I was fairly certain that I would be glad that the lights in the bar were so low.  He only came down from God knew where about once a week, and when he did, he liked to drink. I smiled at him and gave him two beers, knowing that he’d down the first one in about a minute. Between my cleavage and my “Well hi there, sugah!” I managed to get him smiling. It wasn’t too hard. Josiah was a pretty happy drunk. From there, I got busy enough to forget that Remy was even in the bar, let alone waiting on me until I turned and he was there again, leaning over to steal some olives and kiss my hand.  The whole night was like that.  Remy’d  be gone, then back at the bar flirting, then gone again, then back with a kiss or two. I was beginning to think his mutant power was getting into girl’s pants.

Logan, of course took that minute to growl low in my head.   _Oh stuff it,_ I told him. _I’m allowed to have a bit of fun._

Finally the last customer had moved on their merry, if staggering, way and Raven was locking the door with a relieved breath. “Jesus! I thought they’d never leave. I swear to God if I hear another Patsy Cline song I’m going to throw myself off the goddamn mountain. Hey. You! Playboy! If you’re gonna lounge around then you can do it with a broom.”   I looked and sure enough, Remy was there.

“Aw sugah, you stayed!”

“Of course I did, _Cherie_. Remy was not going to let you walk home in the dark.”

Raven rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. “Anna, you’re gonna want to get on home. I think we’re having a bit of a blizzard. You’ll want to make sure you’re all snug in your place. Remy, if you don’t mind staying a little longer, you can help me with the deposits.” Some sort of surprise must have shown on my face, because they both looked at me, grinning. “What? Remy didn’t tell you? We used to work together.”

“Non. I wouldn’t say... together. _Raven_.” His voice was quiet with a little smirk playing on his lips. His eyes almost seemed to glow red for a second. The deck of cars he always had in his hands clacked together as he shuffled them. I widened my eyes and blinked a few times, rubbing them.  It was pretty late. I must be seeing things.

“You’re sure you don’t need me to help finish up?”  

“Nah. You’ve got two days off.. go for it!” Her leer made it perfectly clear what she thought I would be doing.

I laughed. “My plans involve hunting up some furniture for my place. And making sure Killer is kept in the manner of which he has become accustomed.” Killer was my Maltise puppy. His former owner had left the pregnant mom, and when I had stumbled upon the tiny little ball of fluff on my second night here, he had been almost frozen to death. Only the fact that he was a greedy little shit had kept him alive. Unfortunately his mom and brothers and sisters hadn’t fared so well. I knew that I couldn’t keep him indefinitely, but I certainly couldn’t leave him there to fend for himself either. He  had just barely been weened.

Okay and maybe he was a tad bit spoiled.

“Well, if you’re sure then...” Raven nodded.

“Remy will just walk you out and say goodbye properly, then.” Remy gave me a rather direct look and I blushed, smiling. He came over to help me on with my coat. “Ha, with this coat I will just have to be sure you don’t fall in the hands of the big bad loup, no?” I rolled my eyes. He made a similar comment every time he saw the bright red coat I wore. It was a lot like my green one, only firecracker red.

For some reason Raven found that absolutely hilarious. She had been in the process of drinking something when she laughed, spraying it onto the clean counter. She just laughed, shaking her head at our looks.  “Two minutes, Remy. We have a lot to discuss.”

“ _Oui_. I will be only a moment.”

Raven snorted again, muttering something under her breath that sounded like “It’s your funeral,” before wiping up her mess and raising a hand in a wave goodbye. I waved back and Remy took my hand.  “No gloves?”  My smile faltered a little as we stepped outside. “No. No gloves. I don’t mind cold hands.” It had already started snowing. I looked up at the sky, my hood falling back onto my shoulders. “I can’t believe there are so many stars.” I guess it was kind of romantic. Starry night, Snowflakes gently drifting to the ground, walking hand in hand with a guy.... it was just then, at that moment I realized that this wasn’t the guy that I wanted to be doing little romantic things with.

“None of them are as beautiful as you, _mon cher._ ”

 _I think I might vomit._ Erik looked vaguely disgusted and made exaggerated kissy noises. He was not Remy’s biggest fan.  I ignored him. I laughed and Remy made a kind of disgruntled face when he kissed my cold lips.  “That was not exactly the reaction I was looking for. Although I  prefer the smile over whatever you were thinking that made you so sad.”

“What, more like... ‘Oh Remy, how sweet! Y’all should come back to my place where we can see all of the stars at once’?”  I had ramped up the southern in my voice and took a small step back, still grinning up at his face and fluttering my eyelashes.  I had to wonder how often his charming schtick worked, or if most people found it just kind of adorkable.

 _I have the feeling that his ‘schtick’ as you say is quite well rehearsed my dear. He is a bit of a charmer. Not hard on the eyes a’tall._ Erik’s good humor vanished at once, his face becoming strange and still at Charles’ words.  

 _Okay you two. Pipe down._ There was a reason that I called them the Peanut Gallery- I swear to God.

“Is that an offer, _Cherie_?” Remy bent down and kissed me again, cupping my cold cheeks in his hands and tilting my face up as our lips met.

“Ain’t this sweet.”

I froze, every muscle in my body tensing.  I guess part of me was expecting this. Another part of me was maybe hoping for it. And yeah, it was a bit weird to hear him so suddenly, like my thoughts had summoned him. I purposefully finished the kiss, then pulled back, turning around and absolutely refusing to show anything of what I was feeling on my face.

“Hi Logan.”

He was leaning against the side of the wall. For a second my mind went back to the first time I saw him sit down at that bar in Canada. He looked exactly the same. Same leather jacket, same plaid shirt, same ridiculously large belt buckle. He inhaled the smoke from his cigar and blew it out, staring at me and Remy with a slight smirk on his face. My lower body tightened as I stared at him. He looked.... good.

“Hey, kid.”

I couldn’t help it. I flinched a little.

“Is this a friend of yours, Anna?”  I stepped slightly away from Remy, but squeezed his hand. I hesitated just a second before answering. “Yeah. We’ve known each other awhile. It was just a surprise that showed up is all.  It’s okay Remy.” I grinned and squeezed his hand again. “I can call you later, okay?”

“Okay, _Cherie._ ” He looked a little irked, but was willing enough to follow my lead. “I will look forward to it.”  He kissed me again and turned to leave, going back inside the bar with one last searching look of my face. I think I was still a little numb. My lips tingled a little where he kissed me, and I licked them reflexively then turned to face the music. Well, the pissed off, feral mutant with metal claws. There wasn’t any music, unless you count the way my stupid heart was pounding.

I started walking and Logan fell into step besides me.  Strangely, the boys in my head were dead silent. He was quite a bit taller than me so my little darted glances couldn’t quite meet his eyes.  I could feel the heat that his body gave off and shivered a little as we walked. Logan just smoked, keeping his gaze dead ahead. I could see the muscle twitching in his jaw that fairly screamed that he was mangling the cigar in his mouth and winced. He usually only did that when he was really, really furious.

“It’s... ah. Not far. My apartment, that is.”

He just grunted and continued to walk, ignoring me.

“I really like it here. I have my own space, and am doing pretty well for myself. I even got a job! I don’t do too badly at it either. I mean, aside from the first few times I dumped beer on someone’s lap. That really didn’t go over very we---”

He stopped suddenly, turning and grabbing my elbow so that I turned with him, cutting off in mind-babble. My body fell against his and I gasped, jerking back to regain my balance and put some space between us. Logan tossed the cigar and leaned down. His eyes were narrowed, his face pale under his ‘chops. His other hand  tightened for just the briefest of moments on my other arm before his touch gentled, although his voice was low with fury.

“Yeah, about that. How long have you been so buddy-buddy with fuckin’ _Mystique_?”

My mouth dropped open in shock. “What?!” I shrieked, startling a dog a few houses over into barking .

* * *

 

**Logan**   


I had found the place with very little trouble.  One question of the overly friendly, pizza-faced gas station attendant had me a lead on Marie- or the ‘hot young thang with the white streaks in her hair.’  Only one day left. Assuming that Destiny broad was right. One day to find Marie, figure out who wanted to hurt her, and slice their balls off.  

The snow was piling up fairly nicely by the time I pulled the bike in the parking lot. The bar looked a little less like a dive, and more like a dive dressed up so that they would get what little tourist traffic off of 40 they could. I just had a saddlebag strapped to the back of my bike, and figured it was pretty safe. In ten minutes they’d be covered with snow anyway.  I could smell the weather and wanted to get this situated before I froze my damn ass off.

I knew from the scuttlebutt that ‘Muties’ was a mutation-friendly place, but that didn’t mean that humans, or mutants who had un-mutanted themselves, would be safe there.  What I couldn’t figure out was why the hell she’d chosen this place to run to. It was on the top of a mountain, about two hours from Denver. It wasn’t fancy. It had the look of one of those mountain towns which had sprung up because pioneers  going west realized how much further they had to go to get up and over the Rocky Mountains, said ‘oh fuck it,’ dropped their shit, and settled in.

I followed a couple of roughnecks into the bar, blinking a little at the shock of smoke. I’d been in New York for so long that I forgot there were places where people still smoked in bars.  My eyes only made it halfway around the room before I saw her and stopped short.

The little white tank top left her belly bare. My body tightened and my teeth clamped down on the cigar. I don’t think I’d ever seen the long white expanse of her collarbone and shoulders before. Or if I had, I never would have let myself notice how smooth they looked.  I could see the play of muscle under her skin. She turned to get something behind her and my body felt cold- no too hot when I saw the almost completely faded bruise I had marked her with on the back of her neck. Her hair was pinned up in a bun and I could see the graceful lines of her face as she poured something on tap and handed it to the guy sitting on the stool with a grin.  

I’m not proud, but I can admit that I panicked. I darted over to a corner where I could sit with my back to the wall but still watch the dim, smoky room with no problem.  I made myself stub out the mangled cigar and nodded back at the waitress when she nodded at me. I was used to women doing a double-take when they saw me, but I don’t think I had ever been less in the mood.

I knew that a lot of the shit I had kept bottled up over the years wasn’t gonna stay bottled up. I knew that the second I woke up and smelled Marie and sex all over my skin. But that sure as shit didn’t explain the near panic attack I felt when I saw her: uncovered and happy pulling beers for the local crowd.  It took me a damn long time to remember the last time I saw her smile that much, and I knew that whatever it was that Marie had left to look for, she had found it.  

I was one stupid motherfucker.

Right before she left to get the cure, I had told her to make sure that she wasn’t taking it for some boy. I had meant the Iceprick of course. It was pretty obvious that those two wouldn’t have lasted very long- and I didn’t want her to do this grand gesture for some punk kid. What I didn’t get until just now was that this was why she did it.  So that she could be a normal kid in a bar, flirting with customers and not having to worry about killing someone if their fingers accidentally brushed.  I didn’t know what was worse- knowing that this was temporary, or hoping that she didn’t know that this was just temporary.

The waitress squeezed into the chair, blocking my view of Marie. My nostrils flared and my eyes narrowed as Mystique raised her hands up in front of her, wincing at my reaction.

“Wait! Before you say anything! Hear me out.”

I cocked my eyebrow. Her scent was off in the way that Marie’s was off, and she watched the realization bleed across my face.

“Yeah.  I know. The irony is practically choking itself. It certainly wasn’t on purpose. Kind of like what you guys did to Erik.” It was her turn to raise her eyebrow. “Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.” Her mouth twisted and I was surprised at the sadness that crossed her face.  “Look. I saw her and hired her on the spot. I’m not much at this playing human stuff,  but she’s a babe in the fucking woods comparatively. I gave her a job. That’s all. No nefarious plan, no trying to hand her over to the Brotherhood, nothing.  I cut my ties completely. They have no use for norms, you know that. Now I know you can smell that I’m not lying.  I took over this place from a friend. We just wanted a place where mutants could go, and with that governmental-offered poison being temporary, we _need_ a place like this. Most of the people that took it did it ‘cause their mutations were dangerous, Wolverine. Like your girl there. We don’t know when it’s going to switch off, and they need a place where they feel safe.”

Both of my eyebrows had crawled up to my hairline by this point, and for me that was a neat trick. She was right. I could smell that she wasn’t lying, but that didn’t mean that she was telling the whole truth, either.  

That metallic fuckhead had taught her well.

“Right.”

“Look. Let me get you a beer. On the house for not gutting me on sight. Trust me; it’s appreciated.”  She smiled.

I noticed that she hadn’t come within claw reach at any point while we were talking though. I watched her walk up to the bar where Marie was talking to a short, old guy in a cowboy hat whose brim was so wide that the other barflys tended to hit it with their elbows when they got involved in conversation.

Mystique was back with my beer in record time. “So, does she know you’re in town?”

I shook my head and sniffed it. I didn’t think that she’d stoop to spiking drinks in her own bar but I wouldn’t put it past her. I was having a hard time equating the bitch Mystique with the woman in front of me.

“Hmm. That could be interesting.” I looked up at her for a second, then followed her gaze back to the bar where Marie had leaned over, some guy cupping her face while they kissed.

I dropped the bottle and heard Mystique’s muttered ‘oh, shit’ as she melted back into the crowd. The purely instinctual _mineminemine_ shocked me to my core. I was furious. The few drunks around me gave me wide berth as I stood, my claws slowly sliding out as I watched her rest her forehead against his. Jealousy turned my gut and I had to leave before I gutted the little bastard that had his hands all over my Marie.

Wait. **_My_ ** Marie?

The frigid air was like a slap to my face. Marie was a lot of things, but she sure as fuck wasn’t _mine_. Something deep inside of me howled in denial. I started walking, not even noticing that the snow was coming down pretty well by this point. The temperature had dropped, too. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the thought of Marie being mine freaked me the fuck out.

Sure, I had been protective since meeting her.  And sure, I had gotten maybe a little too attached to knowing that she’d be there when I got back to the mansion. I hadn’t been able to drive away from her when she stowed a ride in the back of my trailer, and I sure as shit couldn’t leave her with Pyro and the Iceprick. Those two would have gotten her killed.  And when she handed me back my dogtags, being oh, so careful not to touch my skin I admit that my hands had clenched on the wheel. I had to grit my teeth so that I wouldn’t tell her to keep them.

I had _liked_ her wearing my name. So much that I made it a point not to think about it.

Seeing her like that, kissing that guy had made me feel like eviscerating him on the spot. I had wanted to see his innards spill out over his stomach out onto the floor. I’d had a similar reaction when I had realized that Marie had a boyfriend back at the Mansion. The little show of dominance; the way the Iceprick had iced my hand for just the briefest of moments had sent my nostrils flaring. Marie had had a slight blush on her cheeks, and I could smell how much she wanted me to like him.  

It had surprised me, to tell the truth. Then, later while in the kitchen I’d really seen how much of a fuckin’ _kid_ Bobby was- and it really brought home to me that my feelings were really, terribly inappropriate.Bordering on illegal type of inappropriate. Shame had flooded my mouth as I sat there, making small talk with him ‘til everything had gone to shit.

I shook my head.

None of that mattered.  I might have thought I’d buried those protective... and the other...type... feelings way down deep, but seeing her smile as she kissed the fucker in the fedora had made that dark part of me that liked her with my name nestled between her breasts, that had reveled in her scent all over my body even as I had panicked that I had hurt her, that had snarled and snapped at the idea of allowing her to run away, to wait before looking for her sit up and howl its displeasure. Words like _mate_ and _mine_ and holy fucking Christ what the hell was I _thinking_?!

I whirled on my boot heel and walked back to the alley beside the bar, holding the lighter in my hands but not lighting the cigar. I’d wait for her to finish working and talk to her. Explain about that crazy-ass dream vision that had sent me out here.  Find out what the actual fuck Wheels was doing in her brain.  My own feelings- too little and for damn sure too late weren’t on the agenda.

It was about an hour later when people started clearing out. There had been enough people streaming out of the bar that I had stepped back a few steps to make sure that I wouldn’t be seen.  If the drunks were leaving, then Marie’d be heading out soon enough. I didn’t really get cold, but I was uncomfortably stiff from standing there for so long.  

I heard her soft accent before I saw her, and was glad she couldn’t see the way my eyes slid shut as I heard her sweet voice.  My dick twitched as I remembered hearing her scream my name when she came, her voice cracking, elongating the vowels as she shook and shuddered under me.  

I was quiet when I stepped out and had to make myself not react when I saw him step into her space, cup her face and kiss her again. I couldn’t see Marie’s face, but could see from her body language that she didn’t mind the kiss at all.  That dark bubble of jealousy surged, and before I could stop myself, I heard my snide, “Ain’t this sweet?” split the quiet night.

I was so busy looking at Marie that when I saw that it was Remy Lebeau that she was kissing that I actually rocked back on my feet as though punched in the gut. I saw the same recognition in his eyes.

My brain stalled for a moment as the two of them said goodbye.  I didn’t know what the fuck to think.  My gut said Remy was a good guy, but I couldn’t remember exactly where I had known him from- only that it was a shitload of years ago. We were walking on autopilot, my mind still whirling as I thought. Alarms were starting to go off in my brain.  I knew Marie was in danger. What I didn’t know was how Mystique was tangled up in this. Add in the fact that one of the shadows of my past was currently sucking face with my- with _Marie_ and my instincts were screaming at me that this was just fuckin’ _wrong._

Marie was babbling about something and I just snapped. I had no call to manhandle her like that and let go as soon as I realized what I was doing, sickened with my temper.  Her shock was loud enough that I winced, pulling my hands away as though burned. “Raven? Your boss? You’re tellin’ me that you never _knew_...?” Marie’s eyes were wide, the hurt in them making me want to growl, to snap off the head of the blue bitch that had hurt her this way.

Marie took a step back, and I saw her eyes go faint, in that way she had when she was thinking at one of the people in her head.  “Look... this isn’t the place for this conversation. I’m tired and my feet hurt somethin’ awful. Do you want me to drop you at your hotel?” Something must have flicked on my face because I saw her cheeks pale completely then flood with color.  “Oh.”

“Look- I do need to talk to you, but I can just find someplace to crash after. You mind if I come to your place?”

There was a very painful silence, then she nodded. “‘Course not, Logan. I know we should probably... talk.” Her whole body was tense with unhappiness.  I just nodded and indicated that I would follow her.  

She sighed, but wouldn’t meet my eyes as she began walking.

The awkwardness lasted until we got to the door.  I wasn’t used to this bullshit.  I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated at the way we were behaving.  I didn’t like that she was so uncomfortable around me. I hated that she felt she had to be brave to even do something as simple as walk down the street in my presence. Ever since we first met, Marie had never treated me like less than I was. She always saw the man behind the claws. Now… now she wasn’t as sure of me. And godamighty. The _shame_ I felt at that. It sickened me.

“Are you hungry?”  She sounded tentative as she unlocked the door, and I had to stop myself from touching her shoulder like I’d done a thousand times before. I guess I never realized how much we touched until I had to stop myself from doing it. I didn’t want to scare her.

“No.”  Her face fell a little and I relented. “Not unless you’re making something for yourself.”  

“Sure.” She forced a smile and pushed open the door to a high-pitched whine of joy.  I raised an eyebrow as she bent down to scoop up the little white ball of fluff. “Hi baby! Were you a good boy? Did you eat any more of mama’s shoes?” I don’t know what it was with women and small, fluffy dogs, but she sounded like a damn idiot as she cooed to him.  The … well, I guess you could call it a dog… whined again, shaking its tail so hard that it almost shook out of her arms, yipping and licking her face.  It was the ittiest-bittiest little ball of floofy fluff I’d ever seen. I took a step forward and the happy yips turned to pissed-off sounding growls.  He put his tiny little paws on Marie’s shoulder and barked at me, warning me away from his girl.

 _Believe me, bub. I know the feeling._ It was barking so loudly that Marie had to put him down.  He was growling and snarling, furious that I had taken a step into his territory.

“Killer! What on earth? That’s just Logan!”

“You named this little rat-faced furball ‘Killer?’”  I stepped over the little twerp and sat down on a rather saggy couch, slinging my saddlebag to the side.   The dog followed me, barking like crazy.  Marie turned to shut the door and I glared at the little mutt, growling once, low in my throat so that Marie wouldn’t hear.  The dog stopped in mid-bark and turned around, lifted up its tail and flounced off to its food dish. I probably should have felt more embarrassed at out-dominating a ridiculous looking, miniature mutt like that but... well.

“Yeah. He’s a sweet baby, and I thought he needed something that would give him a little more oomph.”

“Darlin’, if you give that little rat-faced furball a spike collar, it would only hurt himself.” The ‘darlin’ had slipped. I hid my wince with a stretch, popping most of the vertebra in my back.  Marie took off her cloak and hung it in the closet, picked up a magazine and put it back down, straightening it carefully. She started to sit down, then jumped up, went and got us each a coke, then sat back down, curling up on the couch so that she was as far away from me as she could get without falling off the damn thing.

“Why’d you leave, kid?”

“Why are ya here, Logan?”

We both spoke at the same time.  I rolled my eyes and nodded that she should go first.  She took a deep drink and set down her coke can on the rickety-looking coffee table.  I tried not to notice the slight wetness to her lips and failed miserably.  This was gonna be a long few weeks if I couldn’t get my shit together. I felt like a kid, like I couldn’t seem to control myself in the slightest.  Normally with a woman, it was just a quick fuck and a quicker goodbye. Neither of us expected anything more. This, what I had done to… done _with_ Marie was so goddamn far out of my realm of experience that I had no fuckin’ idea what to do. How to act.  

“Why are you here,” she repeated, biting her lip.

Shit.  All that time thinking and I still didn’t know what I wanted to say. How I wanted to say it. I noticed the little furball come over and start sniffing at my saddlebag, biting a little at one of the straps.  I sighed. “You’re in danger, Marie.”  I started to explain, but couldn’t figure out what to say.  “Shit!” I scrubbed my hand roughly over my face for a moment, “Fuck, I suck at this. Marie. I’m… I’m so fucking sorry.  I never, ever meant to hurt you.”

Her eyes widened and I could see every single muscle in her body tense. It made me wince again.  “Look we don’t gotta talk about it ever again. There is nothin’ I can say that will make what I did to you okay. But I can’t keep acting like… like we didn’t have sex.”  I almost said ‘fuck’, and the shock of that caused my throat to tighten, remembering what she smelled like, what she looked like when her head tipped back. I wanted to remember what she tasted like, what her skin felt like under my teeth and I was completely fucking disgusted with myself. An animal. I was like some rutting animal. I had no business sniffin’ around someone as sweet as Marie.

“Logan--“ Her leg was jumping up and down. Marie’s eyes darted around the room, landing everywhere but on me.

“No. Let me finish. I know I’m the last person that you want to see right now.  You did a damn good job of hiding your tracks.  I lost ya in Albany, and would’ve still been looking around there if the Professor hadn’t called—“

Her eyes widened even more, her skin paling so much that for a second I thought she was gonna faint. “What?” Her whisper made me think back over what I just said; wondering what had caused her shock.

I raised my eyebrow.  “You called me. Well, it was your voice, but the Professor was talk—“  She got that look on her face again, the one that made absolutely no sense.  I blurted out what I was thinking before I realized quite what I was saying. “How the hell is that possible? I mean, you got the cure right? When did you take Chucky’s mutation?  How can he still be rattling around in your head?”

Now she looked pissed.  The last time I saw her with that look on her face, Carol Danvers was screaming and writhing on the floor while Marie sucked the life out of her.  “Yeah. It’s a long story.  I’ll be sure to address that  with him in just a moment, don’t you worry, sugah. But you didn’t really explain anything!  What do you mean- I’m in danger? How did you know that was Mystique? What are you doing here? I’m not tryin’ to be rude here, but didn’t the fact that I left clue you in on the fact that I didn’t really want to see any of y’all again?

“Look, kid….”

“Don’t call me kid!” Her voice was like poison, as she hissed at me. “ You don’t get to fuck me into the mattress, then call me kid!”

My mouth dropped open. “Then quit acting like a damn brat! I’m trying to explain!”

“No you’re not! You’re all blah blah I’m sorry. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. It’s not a big deal.” Her neck twitched hard enough that it looked like she was hit from behind. “People have sex all the time! You gotta stop this big brother protective crap, Logan. I’m not your little sister. Or your _\--- ahhh_!” She grabbed her head and sucked in her breath, her voice trailing off into a scream.  I grabbed her wrists when I saw that her nails were embedded in the skin of her temples. She was pulling at her hair.  She started to twitch, her eyes rolling back in her head, her whole body trembling before she gasped, eyes wide-open and slumped over. If I hadn’t had her wrists she would have fallen onto the shitty coffee-table.

The little shitstain of a dog started barking, growling as he tried to scramble up onto the couch. I lowered Marie’s body to the ancient, paisley-patterned cushion and reached into my pocket for my phone, the other hand drifting over her face. The small trickle of blood from her nostril made my heart stop.

“Marie?” I roared, feeling completely fucking useless. “ _Marie_??”

 

Tbc!

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter  Six-  An Interlude.**

“Bloody buggering _fuck_!  Erik! Logan! It’s happening again!” He jumped up, sending the chess pieces falling to the floor with a muffled clatter. His bowl of crisps went flying the other way, scattering through the air like a greasy rainbow.

Charles felt the same tell-tale pull of pain before Rogue began to shake, almost twitching out of her skin.  Connected as they were, he felt what she felt, only muted. The mental landscape of Rogue’s mind, usually so steadfastedly ordered, began to fill with the same black shadows as before.  Logan was there in a flash, tensed and ready to fight, growling under his breath.  The shadow-monster was vicious and had caught them by surprise last time.

This time however, Erik, Charles and Logan were ready. Rogue usually imagined their consciousnesses locked up in small cages, sealed in with iron bars. Erik stood, his blue eyes cold as he pulled the bars from the doors, sending them flying with perfect precision towards the Shadowbeast.  Logan jumped, his claws extended, every muscle in his body tensed and at the ready as he attacked.  Charles put his finger to his forehead, focusing his mental energy on keeping Rogue’s mind from being subverted.  She appeared next to them as though tied up, indistinct as though made of fog. Her mind was terribly vulnerable at these moments of attack, and Charles had learned to attack and protect first, and ask questions later. He’d been almost completely obliterated by the Phoenix before.  He’d be buggered if he was going to allow it to happen again.  “Logan! _Now_!”

When Logan’s claws connected, the Shadowbeast hissed, morphing into something less substantial. Logan immediately whirled for Rogue, retracting his claws and pulling her slightly more solid form into one of the protective rooms, Erik sealing them inside with his mind, using all of the imagined metal in the room to form a barrier.

Charles felt the pain of the Shadowbeast’s attack as the real Rogue did, heard  the real Logan’s screaming her name as she collapsed on the settee in her flat. He ripped his mind away and attempted to focus on what he could control.  From the corner of his eye, he saw Erik as he danced back out of the way as Charles projected every single mental defense he had ever learned over a lifetime of telepathic control towards the attacking entity.  There was a mental scream that had all of them clutching uselessly at their heads and the Shadowbeast flapped its great wings, phasing out of the landscape of Rogue’s mind.

Charles blinked up into Erik’s worried face as the other man hovered over him, helping him to sit up. His head rung like a bell and Charles felt strangely lightheaded.

“Charles.”  One word, full of intensity that never failed to send the hairs on the back of his neck standing straight up.

“Yes. I’m... I’m fine, Erik, thank you.” He raised his voice.  “Logan?”

“You better let us out, Chuck. Something’s fucked.”

They could hear Logan’s real counterpart panicking over Rogue’s prone, unresponsive body.  “Erik?” But Erik had already begun to undo the iron prison that he had manipulated into existence.

Charles’ head throbbed painfully.  He didn’t know how healthy this was, but it was necessary.  It wasn’t as though he had the time to ask Rogue’s permission to use her body after all. He took a deep, centering breath and bled his own psyche into Rogue’s.  It was like the other attacks.  For several moments  while Rogue’s consciousness wasn’t “home,” there was a small window of opportunity for some other psychic presence to take over her psyche.

Charles opened Rogue’s eyes, mentally tutting at the darkly frantic look in Logan’s hazel gaze. “There now. Rogue is fine. Or, rather she will be.” It wasn’t very good form of him, but he reached up and patted Logan’s cheek, stretching Rogue’s wide mouth into a smirk. He watched as Logan’s nostrils flared and he rocked back onto his heels. Fascinating. The Wolverine could detect the change in his mental signature. He knew that it wasn’t his Rogue in her body.

Warily, Charles watched as Logan eyed Charles-as-Rogue, his lips pulling into a dark frown. “Okay, bub. You better start fucking explaining yourself.”  Charles couldn’t help the way he shivered at the barely-restrained menace in Logan’s voice. Gingerly, he sat up being very careful not to make any sudden movements.  He hadn’t had much of a chance to explore the female form, but it was completely bizarre how off-balance his center of gravity was. Even as Charles cursed himself for the necessity of occupying Rogue’s mind until she came “home,” he relished the sensations of the Rogue’s clothes against her skin, of the sound of her frantic heartbeat in her chest.  It was so bloody on to have access to a body again…

_Charles, Rogue looks to be extremely ill. I believe the Phoenix’s attacks are becoming more and more concentrated._

_Right. Well, this will be somewhat of a long explanation. If he doesn’t gut me first. I don’t believe he’s very happy with this turn of events._

_Best step to it then, old friend.  The Wolverine is not exactly known for his abundance of patience. Especially with whose body is in danger and you are occupying at the moment._ Erik sent Charles an image of him raising his eyebrow with a slight smirk, and Charles felt himself flush.

 _Somewhat of an understatement there_.  “Right then. When I rang you, I told you that Rogue was in danger. I’m afraid the explanation is rather convoluted.”

Logan sniffed at him again. Charles was hard-pressed not to laugh at the suspicious way the little dog did the same thing, sniffing briefly at Charles’ hand before growling low in its throat and backing off with stiff legs- its tail straight up in the air..  Charles watched as Logan visibly began to restrain his need for action, watching as he settled back into the sagging cushion and crossing his arms over his muscular chest.

Charles barely managed not to lick his lips.  It was damned awkward. This body’s responses to Logan’s masculinity  were almost second-nature. Somehow Charles didn’t think either Rogue, or Logan would accept his explanation if he gave into the sudden low feeling in his belly and launched himself into Logan’s arms.

 _I don’t think your guy would appreciate that too much either, bub._  A private thought sent to Charles from Rogue’s inner-Logan. He had the image of him curled around Rogue, lightly stroking her back as he waited for her to come back.

 _He’s not my--- right. Focusing._ Charles ignored inner-Logan’s snort, took a deep breath and began.

“I am fully aware that this sounds utterly mad, yet I do not know how else to explain.  Rogue does not yet have the control needed for me to look properly for the answers to our questions, so what we have are mostly conjecture and hypotheses. What we _know_ is that Rogue’s mind is not entirely her own. Erik believes that when she took the cure, she lost much of the control she had worked for on the personalities in her brain.”

“What do you mean, her mind is not her own?” There was a small muscle ticking in Logan’s jaw. Charles resisted the urge to get out of range of the quietly furious mutant and instead reached forward to take a drink of Rogue’s coke, smiling a little as the sweet taste burst upon his tongue. It truly was the simple things that he missed the most.

“Exactly that. You are, obviously, acquainted with the power that Jean had as the Phoenix?”  Charles could see that whatever Logan had been expecting Charles to say- hadn’t been that.

Logan nodded dumbly, his eyes narrowing.

“Did it not strike you as odd that Rogue would not fight with her companions? That she was content to not only sit idly by, but to allow herself to lose her mutation just when she was beginning to learn the beginnings of control?”

Logan blinked. “She… what?”

“She didn’t tell you?” Charles knew full well that Rogue hadn’t. She had not gained control of her skin, but he had felt that they were very close to a breakthrough before he’d been killed.

“No,” Logan said quietly.

“Hm. Blast.” Charles sighed, watching as Logan stood up and began pacing the small confines of the miniscule flat, his claws sliding out and retreating as he tried to contain the nervous energy that fairly sang through his body. “When I first found myself in Rogue’s head, the lingering feeling of the Phoenix was shocking. You must realize that I had become very familiar with the pathways and landscapes of Jean’s mind. I felt her destroy me, Logan. I will never forget the feeling of the Phoenix’s mental signature. There are parts of Rogue’s mind where that signature lays over everything, like some noxious dust.”  Charles took another sip of the coke.

Logan was staring at him, horrified.

_How is she?_

_Still out. It’s taking longer than the other times, Chuck._

_I can do nothing until she is ready to return._

“I can rid her mind of the compulsion. When I have my own body back.”

“Yeah? When does that happen?”

“Right now, Rogue is .. not exactly lost, but not fully cognizant in her own mind. You must understand how dangerous that is. If she is too weak, she will not be able to come back. Every time she is attacked by... well, we’ve begun calling it the Shadowbeast. As best Erik and I can determine, the Phoenix still exists in some form in Rogue’s mind.”

“...Not just hers.”

Charles blinked up at him. Logan was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, standing so his face was in shadow. “The Furball told me that they found hints of her in my mind. In lots of the X-Geeks’ minds. _Shit,_ Chuck. I thought she was gone!”

“ _She_ is. You mustn’t forget that. These are parts of the Phoenix. Not Jean.”

“Yeah. So what about Marie? How do you get her out of your head? Does she remember this when she wakes up?”

“That... is a bit of a trick. She didn’t remember this at first. However, we started to notice she was sleepwalking. Losing large slots of her awareness, not just when she was sleeping. She started to remember our conversations as dreams. We thought that her personalities: me, Erik, you, were perhaps being a bit too rambunctious, but whoever was taking over- it wasn’t us. About a week ago, I took steps. And almost lost myself in the backlash. The best I could do was set things so that we had some warning when the Shadowbeast was ready to attempt to take over her mind again.”

Logan scrubbed his hand over his face. “Fuck.” He muttered under his breath, popping the ‘k’ sound.

“Indeed.” Charles stood and walked to the back of the flat, shedding his clothes as he went.  

“What are you _doing_?!”

Charles had to hide a small smile.  “I’m getting Rogue ready for bed.  She hates to sleep in her trousers.” Logan looked as though he had hit him on the back of the head with a large board. “When she wakes up, she’s extremely disoriented. I want her to be lying down, comfortable in her bed. It wouldn’t do for her to slip and fall while her mind reacquaints itself with her body.”

“How can you just do this? Be so calm? And ya never answered my  fuckin’ _question_! How  do ya get  you the hell out of her head?”

“Right. I have not.” Charles was endlessly amused to note that Logan had turned around on his boot heel, staring a hole into the faded carpet while he changed into Rogue’s sleep shorts and t-shirt. He went to brush her teeth, making a face at the taste of the toothpaste. Bloody disgusting baking soda. It was like brushing one’s teeth with a cleaning pad.

_Hey, Wheels? I think she’s startin’ to come to, man._

Charles didn’t exactly need Logan’s remark. He could feel the sudden tilting, nauseating disorientation, feel Rogue’s knees buckle. Charles’ elbow hit the cup she used to rinse her mouth, sending it flying to the floor. He was too occupied with holding the connection as long as he could, terrified that if he dropped his guard the remnants of the Phoenix would take over. Just as he began to feel stretched like pulled taffy, pulled and pulled and folded in on himself, he was aware of Logan at his back and the rude shove of Rogue’s own consciousness clicking back into place, like a joint out of place, pushing his own consciousness back into Rogue’s mind.

 

* * *

**Logan**

 

Instinct had me behind Marie before she could knock her head against the counter. I was uncomfortably aware of the way her own scent was becoming more there, sharp and sweet.  Even the yappy little mutt had stopped its growling and was making confused, desperate noises; nervous whining as it followed behind me.  I made an effort to shove the barely restrained panic into the back of my mind as I pulled her to me, standing and turning towards her bed.

I might have held her a second longer than I meant to, just breathing in the scent of her, listening to the comforting thud of her heart in her chest. The little mutt gave two sharp barks and I felt Marie stir in my arms.

“L’gan?” Her mutter made all sorts of things I thought I’d gotten past tighten in my body.  I wanted to tuck her in and kiss her senseless, protect her and fight beside her.  

This shit was confusing as fuck.

I shifted her weight a little to free up my arm so that I could pull back the covers from her bed. She flailed a little as I swung her onto the mattress, grabbing my hand and squeezing. Her eyes opened a little, then closed like the dim light from the bathroom hurt them. She didn’t let go of my hand as she buried her head into the pillow, running her thumb lightly over my knuckles where my claws would extend. I remembered her curious question from so many years ago-- “D _oes it hurt? When they come out?” --_ and nearly choked on the way my gut tightened again at her simple gesture.  

“Stay?” I saw a sliver of her pupil again as she tugged on my hand as though to pull me into bed with her.

Oh shit.

I scrubbed a hand over my face. Comfort. Comfort I could do. She _wanted_ me to stay with her.  This was so fucked up. I had to call ‘Ro, check in with her to see what else had gone to shit while I struck out to track down Marie. Chuck had said that she’d be disoriented. She obviously needed me to stay with her; no, _wanted_ me to stay with her.  I felt her press a little harder on the tender skin between my knuckles and what was left of my thoughts pretty much dribbled out of my head. I felt like a stupid fucking kid with the world’s most crushable crush.   I pulled my hand away, trying to ignore the way her lips turned down.

“Give me just a sec, okay?”  

I was uncomfortably aware that I hadn’t taken a shower since late last night.  I took a step back and almost squished the little dog. Rolling my eyes, I picked him up and turned him so that I could look at his face.  He growled at me, his fur proofing up as he bared tiny little teeth.  “Oh for fuck’s sake,” I muttered under my breath as I raised my eyebrow at the little shit- feeling like a complete dumbass while I did so. I plopped him down onto the mattress, where he walked up to Marie with stiff legs, licked her nose twice then flopped down in the space between her shoulder and neck, still glaring at me with righteous puppy indignation.

I’d pretty much ignored my exhaustion until this point, but things were quickly catching up. I padded out to the main room and cleaned up the few things we’d left out. Her locks were a joke, but I secured the apartment as best that I could.  

I barely fit in her tiny shower, with my ass hitting the cold tile and having to bend a little to get all of my body under the spray, but the water pressure felt fucking amazing.  Her scent was stronger here, and with a twitch of my lips I ignored the way my body reacted to it.  I knew that everything I was repressing- the worry, the fucking terrified way I’d felt her convulse in my arms, the little bits of shit that kept popping up; that Destiny broad, Mystique and Remy “coincidentally” here with Marie, the _whatever the actual fuck was happening in her head_ was going to bite me on the ass sooner rather than later. Maybe all the memory loss allowed me to ignore the fuckery inside my head. Whatever. Right now I just wanted to fucking _sleep._

I had a pair of sweats in my saddle bags, and walked naked to her living room, growling under my breath when I noticed that that little fucking bit of fluff had _pissed on my saddlebag_. I might have still been muttering under my breath as I jerked the sweats out of the bag, slipped them up over my hips, and found something to clean up the leather.  I left them on the kitchen counter then washed my hands and finally- _finally!_ \- was able to slide into bed with Marie.

Her body was tense beside me for only a second before she curled into my side like she’d done it a thousand times before. The dog gave a sleepy yip he was dislodged from his comfy spot, and I should probably be ashamed of the smug little grin I gave the damn thing before I realized I was doing it. Marie’s breath was steady on my shoulder, my arms fitting around her with something very like relief as the sound of her heartbeat and even, calm breathing lulled me to sleep.

* * *

 

“Well, old friend? I would say that this has gone utterly and bollocks up.”

Erik sighs and looks morosely out of the window.  Charles doesn’t ask what he’s looking at. Truthfully, he’s afraid to know.  “Is Logan well?” He asks, instead.

“He’s surely a moody bastard.”

“He’s got reason to be.”

Erik nods. “I think he will be fine. Even here it is exhausting to be constantly on guard. We’ve all been a bit wary of late.”

Charles bites his lip nervously. He’s a little worried about what he wants to say, but knows that it’s time to clear the air.  He didn’t understand the particulars of how Rogue would return to her body; he only knew that the process leaves her vulnerable while doing so. He had persevered this time, but what of the next time? It was getting harder and harder to disengage from the stretch of Rogue’s mind from his own.

It made him singularly uncomfortable. He had never, ever intended to hurt Rogue. The idea that separating from her mind might not be as smooth as he had confidentially assumed made him worry.   “Erik, would it be okay if I had a word?”

Erik turns from the window, his shoulders tight. He has long ago perfected the skill of blanking his face.  Charles often wishes that even in this dreamscape plain of Rogue’s consciousness he would be able to better understand his friend. It hurts him that he still can’t, even after all these years.

Seeing Erik and himself as the younger men they were has its own pain. Charles has made himself forget how damnably attractive his friend is, even in the dark turtlenecks he tends to wear. Erik has opted to keep himself more aloof from himself and Logan, something which is really no surprise.  When Erik does initiate conversation, it is to fret over the danger that Rogue has found herself in. Charles knows better than to ever let on how … sweet Erik’s fatherly concern is.  Should he do so, Erik would most likely clam up, and that would do neither him nor Rogue any good at all.

“About what?”

“Come sit down?”

Erik crosses to the chair by the fire. Normally they play chess here, but since the last attack, neither has found the time. Charles notices that his old friend  is idly manipulating a coin through his fingers, and paradoxically,  the small nervous gesture heartens him.

“I suppose that this is rather overdue.”  Erik seats himself and stretches his long legs so that had the fire actually been able to burn him, the bottoms of his boots would have been in trouble.  Charles tries and fails not to notice the small flash of pale skin above the waistband of his trousers when Erik’s black turtleneck rides up.  “How you must hate me.” Erik speaks just above a whisper.  For a second, Charles doesn’t react. He is too surprised by the brief glimpse of skin and the completely innocuous, though pain-filled words.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I have spent most of my life regretting my actions, Charles.”

Charles blinks, utterly nonplussed.

“I’ve known for some years that you are the better man. Your way, those ideals that I called so naive and foolish, were much more successful than my own. I truly believed that showing our own dominance would allow us to prevail over our war with the Humans. Now look at us.  You are dead. My own counterpart has lost his powers, and is wandering around broken and lost. Look how Rogue suffers for all of the struggles that we… that _I_ put into motion.”

“Surely you cannot mean to blame yourself for every single event that has happened since…”

“Since Cuba?”

Charles’ mouth drops open just enough that he feels foolish. He watches as Erik raises his eyes to meet his, then drops his gaze again, unable to look at him directly.  He wants to reach out to touch his friend, but is unsure of the reaction should he do so.

“Part of me… quite a large part, often wonders what we could have accomplished had we worked together and not against each other for all of those years.  I even wondered if being here, in her mind like this was sort of…”

“A second chance?”

“Exactly. A chance to help her. Ironic I know given how I came to be here in the first place.”

Charles finds that he desperately wants a drink. This was so unexpected, so out of character for the Erik that he knows that for a moment he wonders if he’s dreaming.  His hands shake a little as he pours the whiskey into the glass, the bottle clanking against the tumbler with a little rattle.  He’d wanted to reach out to Erik so many times. Charles had spent countless hours in his own head, attempting to somehow justify Erik’s actions over the years. The first time that he had to preside over one of his students’ funerals, had to try to comfort the friends and teachers of someone cut down in the prime of their life because of Erik’s unwavering belief that his way of mutant terrorism was the only route open to them had stopped any thoughts of forgiveness or reconciliation cold in their tracks. He absolutely, could not be selfish. His children, the mutants that he helped to learn, and grow, and yes train needed him far more than he needed Erik.  Or so he told himself.

“You’re not dreaming, Charles.” Erik’s voice is low, closer than Charles realized.  The other man had crossed to where he stood with his back to the fire, mulling over his thoughts.  He feels Erik touch his elbow and has to press his lips together to hide their sudden trembling.

“You would be amazed at how much soul searching one can accomplish when sharing the mind of a do-gooder, highly imaginative, utterly bloody stubborn teenager.” Erik’s voice is low, his body close enough that the words from his lips stir the fine hairs on the back of Charles neck. “She wouldn’t even talk to me until I began to think about my actions. The first time I apologized to her, she told me to fuck off.”

Charles snorts at that.  Rogue did rather have a mouth on her. Scott had always blamed the fact that she shared a mind with Logan.  Charles had rather thought it was her own personality given how much she had attempted to keep Logan locked up in her mind.  He turns and finds Erik’s mouth temptingly close.

“You give me too much credit. True, a lot of what I have accomplished with the X-Men has been in reaction to your own movements, Erik, but my own paths are hardly free of regrets.”

Erik’s eyes are very, very blue.

“What regrets?”

But Charles has forgotten. He still feels like he’s dreaming as his lips brush against Erik’s for the first time. His whole body feels rather like he’s poised on the precipice of a cliff, balancing precariously on the edge of what he so desperately wants, and what he knows he should do.

Erik makes a small sound, torn from his throat as though he couldn’t stop himself from kissing back.  Charles felt Erik’s long fingers cupping his jaw, tilting his head so their mouths could better move against the other’s. At the first feel of Erik’s tongue, Charles drops the drink, sending it crashing onto the chess table. He feels Erik’s smile against his own lips, then the kiss changes, becomes deeper as Charles finally lets the years of want do what they will.

“Charles.... _Charles_ , _mein Gott.._..” Erik is kissing his lips, dragging his mouth away for air then diving back in, his hands holding Charles’ face to him as though he’s not exactly where he wants to be. For his part, Charles can’t even form words. It has been a long, _long_ time since he’s allowed himself to not do anything but feel; to be greedy and take from Erik’s mouth what he needs until he is breathless with the need for oxygen.

His back is against the wall and Charles is writhing against Erik’s thigh when a disgusted “For fuck’s sake, _really_?” causes both of their heads to snap back, horrified gazes crashing together in shock. Charles kind of wants to die when he looks over Erik’s shoulder to see Logan staring at them with his mouth open, hands crossed over his chest with one eyebrow cocked up to his ridiculous hairline.

“Bloody, buggering fuck.” He’s making out like a bloody teenager _in Rogue’s mind_.

“Not quite, _Liebliche_.” Erik’s disgruntled mutter makes him laugh, which is utterly, completely ridiculous.

“I think we have other things to work on, but I can give you guys a couple of minutes if--”

“No. No, Logan. You are correct. This is hardly the time.” Charles shifts away from Erik, completely unaware that he is licking his lips as he stares at the hard, thick length bulging behind Erik’s sensible woolen trousers.  “We have much to...do.”

He rather ignores Logan’s rolled eyes and forces his gaze up to Erik’s.  Erik’s smile is blinding; full of teeth and something very like happiness.

“Snap to it, Charles. We can always finish our discussion.... later.”

Right. Later.  Bit of an incentive, that.

 

TBC!

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven- Marie**

 

I awoke slowly, becoming aware of two things almost instantly: The first sent my heart pounding in my chest as my sleepy brain caught up with my adrenaline-fueled body, telegraphing that my skin wasn't instant death and that it was okay to have someone snuggled up to me. The second was that holy _balls_ did I have to pee.

 

Still, the last time I had woken up with this man was kinda burned into the 'poor life choices' part of my brain, so I was willing it ignore my bladder enough to enjoy the feel of Logan's arm around my waist as he spooned up behind me. The heat from his body put me in mind of a furnace. I had kicked off my covers during the night, and I could hear him snoring softly in my ear, with the bristles of his muttonchops brushing against my shoulder.

 

It took me awhile to manage to ease out of the bed without waking him up, and I couldn’t help but feel a little proud of the fact that _this_ man, of all men, was comfy enough with me that I didn’t spark anything on his radar... that he felt safe enough with me to not even wake up when I left the bed. It was... something.

_Guten Morgen, Marie._

Erik seemed strangely preoccupied. Normally they let me do my business without commentary. Although, the first time I got my period with those three in my head it had just been hilarious to gross them out. Big, strong Mutants. _Pfft._ Indeed.

 

“Can I have a sec here?” I muttered under my breath. Erik made a flustered, embarrassed sound and apologized. I finished, flushed, washed my hands and face, then brushed my teeth, trying to place why I felt so strangely dizzy. I was exhausted, moreso than usual and just really wanted to go back to sleep.

I was _almost_ certain that had nothing to do with the surprisingly snuggly man in my bed.

 

_Yeah, right._

 

... or the grouchy man in my head, for that matter.

Logan was blinking sleepily when I slipped back into my bedroom to get my clothes. I had learned early on not to get Killer’s leash before I was ready to step out of the door, otherwise the little guy practically barked himself into a stroke. He loved going for walks.

 

I didn’t bother with fancy; just stuck my bare feet in my boots, and threw a hat, coat and scarf and flung them over my jammies. I took more than a little pleasure in making it halfway down the stairs before Logan’s strangled bellow of “Damnit, Maire!” made its dulcet way out the back stairs of the bakery and to Killer’s favorite spot.

 

“You’re playin’ with fire, _ma chére_.”

 

Remy’s low voice two steps from the building sent me jumping straight up into the air, my yip of surprise startling poor Killer into falling over into a snowdrift so that a little bit of snow poofed up into the cold air.

 

“Remy! Lord _Jesus_!” I clutched my chest in exaggerated fashion, expecting him to grin. When he didn’t, it clued me into the fact that it was just a bit more than weird that he was standing out here at what-the- _fuck_ o’clock in the morning, while my dog did his business in the bushes.

 

“Sorry.” He gave me a tight smile. “You mind if I come up? I...” He took a rather large step back from the man that suddenly loomed behind me like some great, shadowy wolf. “I think there’s’a few things t’talk about, Marie. Logan.”

 

Even the peanut gallery was quiet at this. I don’t think Remy had ever called me by my name. It was always _ma chére_ , or _chérie_ , and sometimes _ma beau_ , but very rarely my actual first name. I think Logan picked up on it too. He didn’t even look cold as he stood there in his tank top, no jacket, with the top button on his jeans unbuttoned. It was weird that Logan did the same thing when he was worried. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I liked Remy. He was fun, and it was flattering to have the attention, but I didn’t expect the worried treatment from him. It seemed horribly out of character, and I couldn’t help but worry if I actually knew his character at all.

 

I turned to check on Killer and was surprised at the sudden vertigo. I felt like an absolute moron when I actually swayed on my feet, like some damsel in distress. Both Logan and Remy reached for me at the same time, but I just stepped out of their way, towards Killer with a small frown on my face.

 

“Okay, sugah. Come on up. It’s cold though. Do you want some coffee? Logan?”

 

_“ _Non_.”_

 

Logan only grunted in the negative as he took the rear, following the two of us and my half-frozen dog up the stairs. It didn’t take very long to put my winter gear away on the hangers on the wall behind the door with one hand, while drying Killer off with the other. Once he was a little poof of fur, he growled once lowly at Logan, sniffed at Remy as though Remy had insulted his mother, and trotted over to his food bowl with his stubby little tail firmly up in the air.

 

I caught Logan rolling his eyes, and had to snort a little under my breath.

 

“Go ahead and have a seat. I’m going to make some coffee.”

 

What I was going to do was hide in my kitchen and hope the two men started this no doubt nifty conversation without me. I made the coffee, found some danish that didn’t look too bad, and set it down on my coffee table with a little tah dah motion. Neither of them seemed to notice though. Logan was glaring at Remy as though he could burn holes through him with his eyes, and Remy, for whatever reason, actually looked a bit sheepish.

 

Eventually though, I guess he could only stand so much awkward staring before clearing his throat. “ _Bon_ Well.” He cleared his throat again. “I do not know quite where to begin.”

 

Logan crossed his arms and frowned even more deeply. Remy sighed, and reached for his jacket. Before he could even do it, Logan had his wrist in a vice grip. “Not so fast there, bub.”

 

“No. In my pocket, Logan. You can see for yourself. Don’t shoot the messenger, _non_? But you might want to brace yourself.” Logan frowned even more deeply- for a second, I was worried that he’d cause himself permanent damage- and I saw Remy actually shrink back from whatever Logan now held in his hand.

 

Even Killer froze for a moment as Logan unfolded it. You know those weird sort of moments when all the air seems to leave the room? The last time I had felt anything close was during my time as an active member of the X-men. When I peered at the paper, all I could see was the top of someone’s head, and the way every single hair on Logan’s arms and neck stood up at once.

 

When Remy spoke, it was very, very soft, like you do to something that’s about to bolt. “He’s been seen for several years, resurfacing wherever there are a large amount of mutant deaths. Like a cancer.”

 

Remy took a deep, shaky breath. Logan still hadn’t moved. I took a step forward, unable to help myself as I touched the back of his shoulder. Logan flinched, but it was the reaction from Erik and  
Charles that truly startled me.

 

“ _Scheißker_ l!” Erik’s hiss was shocking, but it was the utterly hateful way Charles felt towards whatever he was seeing that absolutely floored me. These men knew what was going on, but no one would tell me. It was as confusing as much as it was pissing me off.

 

“Sugah?”

 

I peered over his arm and frowned. I knew that man. We’d all been briefed by the professor on men who were dangerous, and his name often came up.

 

William Stryker.

 

“He has been sighted as a tv-personality. Something fairly under the radar, no one that we’d associate with anti-mutant legislation, but whenever there’s a cause, or one of the norms are hurt by the cure... he’s there, offering support. Mystique has been working in this area for awhile, and once we knew the cure to be phony, we started trying to spread ourselves out to other areas.” Remy looked over at me, faintly apologetic.

 

“You showing up put a bit of a spanner in the works. We knew that where you went, this one was not far behind, and were right. The problem was that if we knew it, then so must Stryker. The man has nearly unlimited resources as I am sure you must--”

 

The _snickt_ of Logan’s claws popping was loud in the quiet room. Remy prudently stepped away, but I couldn’t help myself, moving closer to Logan as if magnetized there. Of course, given the X-Men and all our talents, it was entirely possible that sudden magnetization _was_ responsible.

 

Remy cleared his throat, finishing a little more quickly than he probably meant to. “I apologize _ma chére_ , but it was decided that you needed protection, and that I would be the mutant for the job.”

 

“Oh, so we’re not going to get married and have beautiful mutant babies together?” The sass was instinctive, but Remy’s lips twitched.

 

“ _Non_. However, I do come this morning to offer you and your _loup_ an invitation to stay in a more secure location.”

 

 

“No.”

 

 

I shut my mouth. Clearly Logan was back, and just fine with speaking for me again.

 

 

“Me and Marie will be fine here.”

 

 

I knew that was Logan for ‘we’d be back in New York before lunch.’ I sighed. So much for my independence. “Well, wait, sugah. That won’t quite work. I’m here to meet up with Moria MacTaggert, and-”

 

 

Logan turned to look at me. It hit me like a punch to the gut. This man, he... cared. Despite everything, despite what had been done to him, or what I had done to him, he cared about me. Any objections I had trailed away like water down a drain. “Marie, I need. I.” He retracted the claws on one hand and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair. “It would be smart for us to talk out everything.” His gaze cut to Remy, who looked faintly troubled. “Later. There’s some stuff goin’ on that you’re not fully aware of, and with Stryker active I just.” He stopped, biting off the words. “Please.”

 

Well hell. There was no way I could say no to that. It was becoming real damn obvious that I didn’t know what the hell was going on. We did need some time to talk everything out, to plan and figure out our next move. I loved this little apartment, but Logan was right. It was too remote and it left us too exposed.

 

With that in mind, it was easy enough to pack up my few belongings. Logan still looked a little overwhelmed as he stared at the piece of paper in his hands, and I pressed him into the couch without thinking much about it.

 

“Remy, sugah . You’ll keep Killer for me? An’ make sure my apartment is still here when I get back?’

 

 

Remy looked doubtfully at the dog, who looked even more doubtfully back at him. “ _Oui_.” He didn’t exactly sound sure of himself, but I wanted to make sure my little puppy was safe. If we were at the mansion, or at a safe house, or any of the other hundred places we could go, my priority had to be my people. As sweet as Killer was, it would just be better if he was somewhere where I didn’t have to worry about him.

 

 

Giving myself a task gave me a purpose. It was easy to call Raven... well. _Mystique_ and quit my job. I called Storm and she sounded supremely unruffled as she asked to talk to Logan. I handed over the phone and heard Logan’s short, single-syllable answers as I went around and packed up all Killer's toys, his food and bowls and his dog bed. Remy still looked a little confused as I damn near shooed him out of my door, but managed to give me a kiss on the cheek and a muttered apology. I didn’t know what he was apologizin’ for, so I ignored him. If he was sorry that he had pretended to date me- well, I can’t fault him for that. I’d like the idea of not bein’ alone more than I liked the idea of him as an individual. If he was apologizin’ for leavin’ me in the middle of the shitstorm he’d induced when he gave Logan that little slip of paper, well. There was nothin’ anyone could do about that.

 

 

Soon enough, I had a backpack packed with the things I thought I’d need and had set it next to Logan’s saddlebag.

 

 

Logan was still staring at the paper, obviously not seeing it. I had time to get a shower and get dressed before I sat down next to him and gently took it out of his hands.

 

 

“Sugah??”

 

 

He took a slow breath, but shook his head.

 

 

I bit my lip and cast a look around the suddenly empty apartment. The baker from downstairs had started his trade, and the smells that wafted up of fresh made bread made my stomach rumble.

 

 

It struck me then that the Erik, Charles and Logan in my head had been strangely silent since I woke up. It gave me the feeling of knowing there was something that I was missing, but not sure if I had just missed it completely, or if it was on the tip of my tongue, ready to be rediscovered. I sighed then told myself to stop being a coward.

 

 

I inched slightly closer to Logan on the couch, huffing a little when the ancient stuffing had me leaning into him despite my intentions. Logan’s arm came around me to brace me from falling, and I smiled into his side. He rested his chin on my head and it was... it was damn near the closest to perfect that I’d felt in forever.

 

 

He needed it quiet more than I needed to run my mouth, so we just sat there in a companionable silence, waiting for my phone to ring.

 

**TBC!**


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Remember- XMFC didn’t exist when I started this, so that timeline from that movie is missing here. I guess this is an AU? Well, considering they basically rewrote their own timeline, I’m not sure what the hell you call this. Either way, enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 8- Logan**

She smelled good.

Normally, my sense of time is pretty damn accurate (which sucked, really... given my longevity) but I couldn’t say how long I sat there on Marie’s couch. I vaguely remember Gambit making a hasty exit, and I heard Marie puttering around her place. Then there was just the smell of her shampoo, and the faint traces of body wash on her skin as the warmth of her body pressed up against me on her couch.

The idea that Stryker was. That Marie could. _Fuck._ My mind was running like a hamster on a wheel and I didn’t have time for this shit. I took a deep breath and ignored the way my body tightened at her sweet scent. Also not the time.

Wasn’t exactly sure if we’d ever have the time.

To my shock, I felt a soft kiss on my arm. It was just an innocent brush of lips, a simple show of comfort but I felt it down to my bones. I shifted so that my arm was around her shoulders, and I sat there for several minutes, greedy for the slight comfort she offered. Marie’s phone pinged and she leaned forward slightly to grab her phone, pulling away from me in the process. “‘Ro said she’d be here soon.”

I knew that. We’d have to get ourselves to the meeting point Storm had insisted upon before Adler told me where to find Marie. The X-geeks couldn’t exactly land a jet in the middle of this sleepy little town, but that wouldn’t be an issue. I jumped when Marie tangled her fingers with mine. Her hand looked so tiny in my paw that it startled me. I had a sudden, visceral sense memory of those small hands on my shoulders, the neatly-trimmed nails skating down my back.

I gulped- like a damn kid who’d never experienced a touch of a girl before. For a second, I was afraid my voice would squeak when I spoke.

“We should go.” I started to stand up, but Marie moved with me, turning me and causing me to freeze in place when those same hands cupped my cheeks. In that instant my whole world was filled her eyes, and I couldn’t have made myself move if the damn place had been on fire.

“I’m not gonna leave you alone, Logan. You know that, right?”

I licked my lip a little nervously, thrown by the intensity in her gaze. Her brown eyes were serious, her pale features the color of cream, thrown as always into stark relief by the shocking white streak in her hair. I saw her gaze dart to my mouth, following the movement of my tongue and then I was gone.

My mouth crashed down on hers with everything I felt, everything I _had_ felt since I realized what I’d done to her all those weeks ago. No. Before that. If I was honest, it was back when she’d just been a kid, and I’d kept myself away from her innocence like the filthy pervert I was. She made a low sound and I moved so my hands were tangled in her hair, tilting her head back so I could take her mouth.

She met me move for move, showing me that she could do more than keep up. I tried to ignore the dark shot of jealousy that hit me when I realized how she must have practiced kissing with others. After she bit my lower lip I let her lead, and the kiss gentled somewhat. Her skinny arms had wrapped around my waist, and my hands slid down to cup her ass, lifting her so that I could grind my thickening cock into her wet center.

We both moaned at that.

I could feel her trembling as she wrapped her legs around me. Marie jerked her head back to breathe great, thick gasping breaths as though she’d not wanted to take the time to breathe before. I knew that I was being too rough when I sucked at the skin under her jawline, down the cords of her neck and up to her ear. I growled a little at the faint bruise I left, knowing it would mark her as mine once it fully bloomed. She shivered as my beard scraped against sensitive, tingling skin and I bit at her earlobe. Marie’s hips jerked against me again and I could smell how wet she was.

_Christ._

I swung around, stumbling over my knapsack and landing against the wall harder than I meant to, although I managed to keep her head from striking the wall by getting my hand there first. Marie’s face was flushed as she sucked in oxygen. I thought about it for just a second before slowly sliding up her shirt, and jerking down the cups of her bra so I could get at her breasts.

“Lo-ohhh. _Logan_!”

Her nipples were pebbled into a dark, dusky pink. Ignoring my own need, I used my hips to steady her against the wall while I bent to kiss at them. She cried out again and I loved it, grinning into her flesh. I sucked at her, knowing that she could feel the heat of me through our clothes, right where she wanted it most. She wasn’t wearing anything fancy- some kind of yoga looking getup that she’d obviously picked for comfort and warmth.

I flicked my tongue against the stiff peaks, pushing her breasts together with my hands so that I could alter between the two without taking too long in between. Her hand shook as she cupped the back of my head, the other gripping into my shoulder, nails digging into my skin.

I jerked away from her breasts to kiss her again, deep, drugging kisses that kept her distracted while I shifted a little so that I could get one hand inside her sweats. She figured it out pretty damn quickly when I slid my finger inside of her, the muscles fluttering around the one finger as I made room.

I had to pull away from her mouth at that, resting my forehead against the wall and breathing heavily near her shoulder. If she was that tight for my finger, she’d feel amazing wrapped around my cock.

Marie froze, sucking in a strangled breath and I jerked back a little so I could see her. She was flushed and sweaty, her bra pushed under her breasts, still wet from my mouth, nipples still hard from the attention I’d given them. Her hair was a wreck, little tendrils curled next to her sweaty forehead. I had to adjust my grip again, now that I had taken a slight step back, cupping her ass with one hand and slowly beginning to move the finger buried inside of her. Marie’s other hand drifted awkwardly to my other shoulder and I watched her bite her lip, closing her eyes.

“Aw, no, girl. You look at me.”

I tilted my hand up so that my knuckle bumped against her clit and Marie jerked with a gasp, eyes obediently flying open. The angle was a little off, so I couldn’t get as deep as either of us wanted to, but it didn’t take long to make her come apart with just my finger. She watched me the whole time, so close already that it only took a few thrusts and another slick rub of her clit before she came. She couldn’t keep her eyes open at that, but was so beautiful that way that I didn’t even care. I watched her slump against the wall, her mouth opening a little in shock as she cried out my name.

I waited for a heartbeat before slowly taking my hand out, and absently licking it clean as I arranged her clothes for her.

When Marie slowly sank to her knees instead of standing up, I almost fell over in shock. I was a bit rough when I backed away and I would have done anything to take the hurt look off her face.

“Shit! No, no, it’s not that.” I stepped back, hauling her up again so I could kiss her. “Trust me, darlin’. I want all the time in the world to take you apart. The timing though, it’s a little fucked.” I jerked my gaze towards her phone.

“Oh, _crap_!” Marie dove for her phone, texting away like mad. She put her phone down and kicked off her underwear and yoga pants, grabbing a pair of jeans and something silky out of her pack before hustling towards the bathroom. She was back almost before I got my stupid dick to calm down, and rendezvous or not, took the time to kiss her again before we left the apartment. I had a feeling there wouldn’t be much time for that sort of thing in the future.

Marie kissed me back, then pulled away to leave a quick butterfly kiss on my cheek that made me blush for some stupid damn reason.

She tossed my leather jacket at me, and I swung the straps of the packs onto my shoulder. Marie looked around once before shrugging and closing the door behind her. “You ready, sugah?”

Christ, I wanted to hear her screaming my name, that drawl in her voice hoarse from moaning, from begging, from-- I cleared my throat. “Yeah. Time to get the fuck out of Dodge.”

****

After a quick stop at a local superstore, I had her in flannels and enough long underwear that she probably could have survived the next Ice Age without breaking a sweat. We passed the bar, and the before I could blink were out of the tiny little town, heading west.

Her pack and my saddlebags had fit just fine on the Harley. At first, Marie had slid on behind me a little nervously, but now moved with me on the turns so well it made something in my chest tighten. Of course, driving a motorcycle through the Rockies wasn’t my best plan. Instead of my normal daredevil pace, I found myself puttering along like a doddering old grandpa. All I needed was to hit some black ice, and send her flying ass over teakettle off a goddamn mountain. I’d even put her in a helmet.

It seemed really important to get some distance from the town, in case Stryker made a move. We were only on the bike for maybe an hour and twenty minutes, tops, before I saw the jet and Ro, Jubilee, and Beast standing outside, clearly having heard our approach. No one spoke as I drove the bike into the cargo hold and long familiarity had us all strapping in without a second thought.

Marie was real quiet on the flight back to New York. She didn’t talk, and I didn’t feel right puttin’ our business out there in front of Best and the rest, so I shut my eyes and pretended to sleep. I doubt me checkin’ up on her with the occasional peek under my lashes fooled anyone, though. Jubilee had given her friend a huge hug and had burst into relieved tears, then respected Marie’s quiet request to be left alone for awhile and moved to start a low conversation with ‘Ro on the other side of the jet.

I knew that what had happened in Marie’s apartment had been just about the worst-timed thing in history. We had started to talk, but had been interrupted with the clusterfuck of... jesus. I frowned, popping my claws, ignoring the startled squeak Jubilee gave. I felt Marie’s soft fingers on my hand, reaching out over the aisle, rubbing carefully up to the adamantine until I retracted them, then rubbing gently over the healed, sensitive skin. She took her hand back only a few seconds later, but it was enough to calm me down. Just her brief touch. 

There was a lot to plan. A lot to debrief. A shitload to do. But, with Marie trying to comfort me, with god and everyone watching... for the first time, in a very long time, I didn’t feel quite so alone in doing it.

 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. still alive. :D Some plot-heavy stuff coming up. Thanks if any of you are still reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Marie**

The ride from my small hideaway to New York only took a few minutes.

Well, no. It took a lot longer than that, but it only _seemed_ like a few minutes with the way my head was goin’. I sat there in the overly plush chair with my eyes shut, feeling exhausted. So much had happened in the past few hours that I ... I didn’t quite know what to process first.

Did I worry about Stryker? About Logan? About whyever Erik and Charles had gone incommunicado? How about the fact that I was returning like a ticking time bomb; not knowing when my mutation was going to return. Oh. And there was Remy, and Raven...

I knew Raven’s history with Erik and Charles.  There was no way... no _fucking_ way that they hadn’t known who she was. Why had they kept me in the dark? I admit to feeling a little betrayed. Them sharin’ a mind with me was... well, I had stupidly thought that they wouldn’t be _able_ to lie to me. Knowing that they could- and they did- even by a lie of omission, well. It hurt.

I knew I was bein’ a coward about this, but I couldn’t face looking at Jubes right now. Not that I was embarrassed about what me and Logan had just done. God, no. How could I be? He’d been so...

I blushed, looking at him out of the corner of my eye. He was sitting in profile, looking out of the window, hand clenched in a fist at his side. He hadn’t had much to say, either.  That was another worry.  Not that Logan wasn’t talking, because I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t speak unless answering a question he found worthy or making a smartass remark, but the set of his shoulders made me think that something else was going on in his head- something that was really bugging him.

“Prepare for landing.” Ororo’s voice was clipped as it came through the head piece, and the suddenness of it made me jump.

Jubes caught my gaze and tried a half smile. It made me wonder what she was thinking, what they’d all been thinking. God, this debrief was gonna be a nightmare.

 _Erik_? _Charles?_ I tried.   _Logan_?

Nothing.

It was almost ... jarring in a way. Weird, like part of myself was missing.  Considering how much of a pain in the ass they were, it was kind of ironic. Now, I found myself talking and having no one answer. It was..... weird. To be alone in my own head. Kind of scary, to be honest.  I guess I didn’t realize how much I’d counted on the boys, or at least Erik, for advice.

The x-jet landed, and for a moment I caught a glimpse of the mansion. It made my throat tight. I was surprised at the jolt of homesickness I felt at being on the grounds again. When I left, I had done so in such a panic that I wasn’t entirely sure if I’d ever be back,but this place as as much of a home as I’d ever had; where people knew me,and accepted me.  It made the fuzzy memories of my own childhood house all but disappear.

The underbelly of the Mansion still gave me the creeps. The cold, metallic decor made for easy cleanup, but it was far from welcoming. We were a glum group as we made our way to the conference room. There was no small talk or teasing- just the uneasy feeling of an impending clusterfuck of such epic proportions that all we could do to protect ourselves is hold up an umbrella against the shitstorm.

Ororo didn’t even bother with giving us water as we all sat around the table, me, then Logan, then Hank, then Ororo at the head, with a woman I didn’t recognize,  and a man I didn’t recognize at the other end. Kitty, Jubes, Kurt and Bobby sat huddled together at the other end, looking miserably out of place.  I knew how they felt.  I felt like a kid who had just graduated from the kiddie table to the adult table.

“First of all, I want to make clear that this is not in any way a disciplinary hearing. No one here is in trouble, or anything of the sort. It is, however, going to cover some things that ... well, quite frankly, things that are going to hurt to hear, so if anyone wants to recuse yourself, now would be the time to do so.”

I looked over at everyone from under my hair.  No one peeped.

I took a deep breath, and everyone’s eyes snapped to me as though I’d banged a gong.

“I took the cure,” I blurted. It wasn’t perhaps the best start, but once I started, the words were easier. “I’m not a member of the X-men anymore.”

The conference table erupted into an immediate cacophony of sound.  It hit me like a wave, and just like that, I was overwhelmed.  

“She cannot be trusted!” Any _Dummkoph Mädchen_ who would _willingly_ \--” Kurt’s tail whipped around furiously.

“We gotta make sure that she’s not hearing anything top secret--”  Bobby sent me a filthy look that honestly shocked me.  I couldn’t imagine why he was furious at me, then I realized and the guilt piled up.  I hadn’t even broken up with him, not officially.  I’d slept around with him- once, well. Technically twice, and had even had Remy---.  I’d be furious too.

Ororo shot me a helpless look then turned to intervene.

 _Snickt_.

Logan stood up, slowly.  Every eye in the room turned to him, and the sudden silence rang like a bell.  He didn’t yell, or growl, or anything like that.  He didn’t need to.  I knew what the muscle ticking in his jaw, under his side burn meant, and evidently everyone else did too.  

“You stupid shits push her out and you’ll never make it through this. She’s more loyal-” he shot a look towards Bobby and Kurt, both of whom immediately looked down at the table, breaking off eye-contact.  “-more important to this team than any of us.” He shrugged, popping in his claws and sitting down again, still perfectly calm.  “She goes- I go.” He shrugged.  “Simple as that.”

My heart gave a funny sort of leap.  Him defending me meant- it meant a lot. It was important, and I knew he could hear my heartbeat accelerate.

“Now, no one is pushing _anyone_ out. That’s ridiculous. Rogue--”

“Marie,” Kurt muttered under his breath.

Ororo turned her head and stared at him with a look on her face perfected by disappointed teachers everywhere. “ _Rogue_ has plenty to offer, even with her decision to block her gift. She is a valued member of this team and if anyone has an issue with that you will take it up with me. Directly. Is that understood?” There were a few sullen nods from around the table. Even Hank looked like he wanted to argue, but since he hadn’t spoken up either way, I didn’t know which way he was feeling.  The spots that Scott, Jean, and the Professor always took were glaringly empty.

I waited a few beats, then opened my mouth, continuing.  “But, before I did that, Cured myself, I had...  echoes of mutants I’d touched. In my head.”

I waited for someone to call me crazy, but when no one did, I allowed myself a heartbeat of relief and continued. “Three of them were the strongest, and stood out the most. Erik Lensherr, Logan, and ... the Professor.” Calling him Charles, though he was much more of a “Charles” to me than a “Professor, even with his current radio silence, was bizarre.

“So you hear them as-- “ Hank leaned forward, fascinated despite whatever he had been feeling.

“Not just voices. Personalities.” I scratched my head. “And... they’re all working together. Or had been. I guess there are a few other things going on that necessitated them taking a more direct approach, but I don’t remember much of that.”

Logan nodded.  “There’s more.” He huffed a little breath- not quite a sigh. “Marie’s blackouts were caused by something... some remnant of the Dark Phoenix.”  Hearing Logan call me “Marie” rather than “Rogue” wasn’t the insult it was from any of the others. Lord knew I liked the way he said my name.

 _Everyone_ started talking at that, voices babbling over one another in shock. I hadn’t heard Logan refer to Jean that way- or rather, the being that had been manipulating all of us. It brought home to me exactly how much we all stood to lose if we didn’t figure out a plan.

“The Dark Phoenix has been working from within for the longest time.  The Professor told me that when Jean was a kid, he had to block some of her mutation for her own good- that it was too dangerous for her. I mean, he used her to fine-tune Cerebro, and we all knew she was powerful. But what none of us realized is that part of that... being was well.   _Controlling_ a lot of us. Manipulating, at the very least.” I stopped, unsure of exactly how to continue.

Ororo spoke slowly, as though she was still putting it all together. “So, we have this---”

“Wheels calls it the Shadowbeast. Whatever it was, it’s currently only in Marie’s head.”

“We hope.” Hank spoke softly, looking heavily subdued. “It’s easy enough to extrapolate that Rogue’s cure gave this Shadowbeast the power to act.  Did you say that it had taken over for you?”

I shrugged with one shoulder,  looking at Logan.

He nodded. “It takes that time to attack her mind, and when Marie’s ... _Marieness._.. gets pushed aside, Chuck steps up to keep the Shadowbeast from taking her over.

“Perhaps it is looking for a foothold, such as with Jean’s mind.”

 _That_ was absolutely _not_  the most comforting thing anyone’s ever told me. _Jesus_. Which brought to mind this:  Where the _fuck_ were Charles and Erik? And my inner Logan? With them MIA what the heck was I supposed to do if that .. that _Shadowbeast_ came back?

“Is it possible to speak with the Professor?” Hank tilted his head in that way he did when his mind was going at about fifty times the speed of anyone else’s.

Logan shook  his head before I could say anything. “No. Too dangerous.”

Hank nodded. “Agreed. Until we know more about it, that would be foolish.” He turned to me. “Tell me, how far had the Professor’s lessons progressed? He was teaching you to control your mutation, yes?”

“Wait- if you were getting help then why did you want the Cure?”  Bobby looked at me from across the table, his eyes very blue against the tan outline of his face. I felt ages older in that few seconds, like Bobby was just a kid, asking a question whose answer he knew was gonna hurt.

“That’s her business,” Logan did growl this time, and it made something low in my gut tighten. “What’s _our_ business is that Stryker is back.”

Everyone, and boy do I mean everyone, froze for a second at that.  We all knew what that man had done to Logan, and I was pretty sure that’s why so many of them gave him a break; not calling him on his rude behavior when they would call anyone else to task. What they’d done to him was somehow worse- but it caused people to forget about his other mutation. Heck, even I didn’t really think about how old he was- or my brain would hurt. The adamantium was such a part of who the Wolverine was now, that in a very weird way (and no one would _ever_ phrase it quite this way to Logan), the Wolverine was the Wolverine because of Stryker. To have him mention his nemesis so calmly- _that_ was worth everyone’s shock.

Even though I knew Logan had to be acting given his reaction when Remy told him back in my apartment, I still couldn’t shake the feeling it gave me.

“He’s behind the Cure- but I think we knew that.  What you might not have known is that he’s also mixed up in the way it’s distributed.” Logan took a deep breath. “It’s a sterilization agent. These mutants who are desperate enough to be norms... when they take this shit they’re being sterilized. He wins twice: no more mutants, and no mutant babies.”

I could feel every single eye on me and forced myself to keep calm.

“Hm. If the mutation is reversed, it is possible that the sterilization agent doesn’t work as planned.” Hank’s voice was once again the voice of reason. I had to fight not to look at Logan. I was so busy trying to remember the last time I’d had my period that  it took me a second to realize that Ororo was speaking.

“Three days ago, this woman, Irene,” she indicated the dark-haired woman to the right, “told us that Rogue’s life was in danger. Her mutation allows her to see the future, and it appears that they have a connection that made it easier for Ms. Adler to identify what was to happen.”

The woman shifted in her seat, and I saw immediately that she was blind. I had been so wrapped up in everything else that was happening, that I hadn’t paid much attention to the two strangers in the room.  

“May I?”

She looked towards Ororo and when Ororo nodded at the woman’s companion, she smiled, standing when he gently touched her forearm. He led her around the table over towards me. I sat up when she stopped beside me, her hands fluttering slowly in front of my face.  

“May I?” she repeated again.

I nodded, then immediately felt stupid for nodding and said, “Yes.”  

Her fingers were light, like butterfly wings as she looked at my face in the only way she could. The man near her hovered, watching me a little suspiciously. She touched my cheeks, then brushed over my lips, and my neck, my eyebrows, forehead, ears and the shape of my head.

“Raven tells me that you are quite beautiful.”

 _Raven_?

“My name is Irene Adler. I am also known as Destiny, and yes. I am gifted with precognition. I have had several visions of your adventures over the years. So much so that they were quite beloved and looked forward to. They stopped quite suddenly, and were replaced with terrifying visions of your demise, but without knowing what had happened to you in my visions, I had no way of knowing where you were.  When Raven contacted me to tell me that you were in Colorado, I knew what would come to pass.” She stepped away, and I knew that I was gaping at her a little.

Maybe that’s why I was completely surprised when the man grabbed me.  The knife just appeared in his hand and he had his hand wrapped in my hair, and holding me as a hostage in front of his body before I could blink. My eyes met Logan’s and for just a moment I saw the absolute terror in his gaze before the man began walking with me, moving slowly backwards.

“You must forgive me.” I heard a muffled _thunk thunk thunk_ and saw Destiny swing a small crossbow onto her arm. “I am... sorry, for this. You are... broken. You simply cannot be trusted to keep her safe.”

I cried out when instinct sent my head turning to see who she had shot. Kurt, Hank and Storm all stood stock-still, small crossbow bolts quivering where they had been buried in their bodies. Turning my head so suddenly caused both the man to rip out what felt like three handfuls of hair, and the blade of the knife to slice into the tender skin of my throat.  The man raised his other hand, and there was another _thunk thunk thunk_ , and Logan, Bobby and Jubes froze in place, exactly like the other three.

I heard the _ping_ as something dropped and the room rapidly filled with stinging, acrid smoke.

Not even mutants could completely ignore physics. We coughed just like any human would, and my slightly belated attempts to slow the man down by scrambling against the metallic frame of the door were all for nothing.  I felt something explode on the back of my head and thought I heard the roar of Logan screaming my name before blackness overtook all of my senses.

 

*****

**Logan**

You ever have an electronic pulse shoot through your body, when half of it was covered by adamantium? No?  Well, it sucked.  Every muscle and bone in my body rang like a fuckin’ bell.  I lost track of time. I could have been frozen there for minutes or for hours.  When the device shut abruptly off, I swung into action. I could smell that that Destiny bitch and her strong and silent partner had taken Marie towards the elevator to the main floor, and it was easy enough to enter my code into a small panel near the conference room.  

I heard Bobby and the girls coming to, and Ororo’s shocked voice, but didn’t have time to waste.

A few months ago, before everything went to shit, Cyclops and I had pointed out to the Professor that having a top-secret underground lair was all well and good, but when you had to wait on an elevator to get _in_ or get _out_ of said underground lair, you were putting people at risk. It had been probably the only thing that the two of us had agreed on in any sort of recent history.

I staggered against the wall as my body twitched from a leftover magnetic pulse, and with a muttered curse, I pulled the little crossbow bolt out of my shoulder and flung it to the ground.  There was a hiss of a door being unlocked, and I launched myself through the doorway so quickly that sparks flew from where my claws scraped against the metal doorway. I pounded up the stairs and burst through the dining room moving as fast as I’d moved in awhile.  The dining room doors swung wide, and I scented the sharp tang of Marie’s blood.  It caused me to stop suddenly, and I turned in a full circle, sniffing the air.  

She wasn’t bleeding much, but I knew that she wasn’t here.  I followed the tiny drips of the blood trail out of the door and down to the “public” parking lot. Whatever vehicle they took was long gone.

It had all been too clever, too well-planned.  Destiny had completely fucking played us. I didn’t even know if Marie was really her daughter or not. That could had been a lie, too.  Whatever it was, she had Marie, and we did not.  I didn’t realize that I had cut through two of the rosebushes on either side of the driveway until they both fell at my feet.

I closed my eyes, feeling the shame of failure drift over me like a cloak.  I realized that while I had sprinted through the mansion like a madman, Hank and Ororo had probably started rallying the troops. Hank would have had the entire mansion under surveillance, and maybe one of those tapes would give me an idea of what to do- where to go to find her.

The kids gave me wide berth when I finally made my way back into the mansion, down the stairs and into Hank’s labs.  I saw that Jubilee was sitting on one of the cots, sniffing. Her wound was bandaged, but her whole body language was hunched in on itself.  I knew exactly how she felt.

“Anything?”

“Marie’s bleeding.”

Hank nodded, as though he had expected this, and gestured with a needle and some sutures towards the monitors. Not needing to be doctored up, I turned and walked that way. I saw Marie being held by knifepoint on the elevator, struggling as much as she could with her long hair wrapped securely around the guy’s fist. The lift wasn’t all that long, but I heard her low, “You’re gonna regret this when he finds you.” and it made what was left of that shrivelled, useless thing called my heart beat feebly.

“Your Wolverine? Yes. I quite imagine so.” Destiny shrugged with one shoulder as the elevator doors opened with a cheerful _ding_. “No matter. we shall meet soon enough.”

Goddamn right we would.

I saw Marie touching everything she could, leaving me a trail to follow, saw students gaping at her, and one little dude whose powers allowed him turn into stone, launch himself at the guy who was holding Marie’s feet, hanging onto the man’s ankle like a burr.  The man simply kicked him off, and the kid landed against the wall with a cry. Maybe eight years old, he was being seen to by a sorry-looking Beast. Watching the huge, blue mutant try to tone it down so he wouldn’t scare the kid would normally be better than Monday Night Football, but today it just made me _tired_.

Storm made a satisfied sound in the back of her throat, and handed me a printout.  The man’s name was Gregor and he looked to have travelled as Destiny’s companion for quite some time.  The information on Destiny also explained how a blind woman could shoot with such deadly accuracy; simply put- she predicted the future so well that she could see what was going to happen in her mind, and appeared to just have her body follow through.

“Do you think the story about Marie being shot was a lie?”

Storm gave a graceful shrug and excused herself. “Take Jubilation with you. Find Marie, bring her back. We will continue planning our offensive against Stryker, and-” she huffed out a frustrated breath- “try to put something in place for the remnants of the Dark Phoenix.”

“You’re gonna have a bunch of fucked up mutants with suddenly returned powers needing help.” Storm nodded and gave me what was probably her version of a manly slap on the shoulder before going off.

“Come on, kid.”

Jubilee gave a sad sniff and wiped her face. She nodded and jumped off of the table, wiggling her shoulder a few times to test the stitches.  Her phone chirped, and she looked down at it almost automatically, shaking her head.  “It’s starting,” she whispered.  “Protests and... wow. Everyone, even the norms are suddenly our best friends. That can’t be what he wanted.”

I raised an eyebrow and we turned to walk to the garages. I knew that Hank’s vehicles would go more quickly than anything either Gregor or Destiny could come up with, and we had the vehicle’s info, so we could track it with a nifty little thing Hank had created for us to use with traffic cameras. I wasn’t too worried.  

“Oh. That asshole, Stryker. He’s gone off his nut.”  

I found that hilarious for some reason, and knew I didn’t quite manage to hold in my amusement.  

“He’s got this group, called the Purifiers and they’re... well... did you ever see the Blues Brothers?”

“Not exactly one for movies, kid.”

“Oh come on, you had to have seen this part. ’Illinois Nazis? I hate Illinois Nazis’?” She looked up at me with an expectant look on her face. “Nothing? Well damn, hot stuff. First time we get a chance, you’re watching that movie. But there’s a part that reminds me of the norms on TV and the Purifiers.  I’ve never seen such support for us before.”

We ducked through the low door to the X garage, and I quickly scanned our choices.  I knew they were all heavily-modified, and safe.  My bike wouldn’t work, not with the three of us, and the only thing left was a mommy-wagon, a schoolbus, and some tiny thing that looked like a roller skate. They must have taken most of the fleet for driver’s ed.

Shit. Mommy-wagon it was. I heard a snort and flicked Jubilee on the back of the ear. “Keep it up and your ass is stayin’ here”

She raised both hands and smiled before sliding in.  Long experience had her buckling up. “You seem-- okay. Weirdly okay. I thought you’d lose your shit again.”

I grunted and wished heavily for a cigar. “Well, that Destiny chick didn’t seem like she wanted to hurt Marie. She looked pissed when she saw, or preconceived or whatever that he’d cut Marie with that knife.” Now  _him_  I wasn’t too fond of.  I put the car in gear and we peeled out of the garage, hitting the gates and driving through.

Jubilee nodded. “Yeah. Mostly she seemed worried that we wouldn’t protect her well enough. I don’t understand why she’s so worried about Marie though. Do they know each other?”

I shrugged, realizing that the answer to that question was well above her pay grade. Shit. Sometimes I thought it was still above mine. I knew that I wasn’t going forward until I had Marie back though.

Not after everything.

We drove on the coordinates Beast had given us, making sure to follow the instructions on the GPS installed in the vehicle. We were only five miles or so behind it, and gaining.  This vehicle didn’t have the turbo that my bike did, but it went quite a bit above the posted speed limit.

I tried not to think too much about the shitstorm waiting for us back at the mansion. My focus was on Marie, and that little blue dot of the GPS.

I wish I could say that I had anticipated what happened, but no. I was just as shocked to see that it had stopped as Jubilee was.

“Oh _shit_ , hot stuff, go! Go go!”

I didn’t need her to tell me.  I pushed the little vehicle to its limit, making it there in just a few minutes after we noticed that it had stopped. I jerked the wheel, and was jumping out before the car had fully stopped.

The sedan was crashed on the side of the road, and there was a body  at the front of it.  Destiny. I could tell that Marie was gone before I fell to my feet beside her.

“You... you must.....”

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath, pressing helplessly at the wound in her chest. She was bleeding out, and there was nothing we could do to help her.  

“Marie. My... daughter. Gregor betrayed...you must help her, Wolv--.” She broke off, coughing weakly.  I could see the whiteness of her eyes flicker to the weird shade that they’d done when she’ predicted Marie’s death at the train station.

“Oh no...” Jubilee whispered, falling to Destiny’s other side. “Logan?” Her eyes were wet when she met mine.  

“Stryker’s... a building. War. Years of war on shelves, like dreams. Marie is there. She’s bleeding, crying. You can save her, but... but...” She gasped, and it sounded like she was choking on blood. “Tell Raven I...  I love...---”

She didn’t finish.  Destiny gave a huge, gasping breath and died on the filthy pavement in front of me and Jubilee.

“Oh god, Wolvie. What do we do?”

I lifted Destiny’s corpse and set her onto the back seat. I didn’t need to test for breath, or listen at her chest.  There was nothing to listen to. She was dead, murdered by the asshole that took Marie. I sure as shit wasn’t her biggest fan, but she’d used her last dying breath to make sure I could find Marie, and that was worth everything to me. I wasn’t going to leave her for the cops to find and deal with.  Storm would know what to do for her.

I heard the blades of the helicopter before I saw it, and knew we were much too far away to do anything as it landed briefly. It was easy enough to imagine who it was landing for- the timing couldn’t be anything else. I popped my claws as I watched it fly away, towards wherever the fuck Stryker’s hideout was these days.

With Marie.

The familiar rage flowed through me, clearing my head.  Nothing was right. Rescuing her from Colorado had just made it more obvious for Stryker that she was back at the mansion. Destiny’s heart might have been in the right place, but her machinations had in effect tipped him off.  Whatever was going on in Marie’s head was terrifying, but imagining Stryker using her, using the Shadowbeast like a dog on a leash?

No. I would not let that happen.

Not again.

The helicopter flew into the distance.  I watched it disappear until it was just a tiny speck in the clouds.

  
  
**TBC!**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who are sticking with me. I appreciate it, and no I haven't forgotten about you!


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

**Marie**

 

“Marie?”

 

“Rogue? Come  _ Meine Liebste _ . You must wake now.” 

 

I kept my eyes shut, playing possum.  Of course, playing possum with two of the most powerful and observant mutants in existence was probably a textbook definition of ‘waste of time,’ but I wasn’t moving until I had identified a little more of what the fuck was going on. Logan had taught me better than that: any advantage I had I best be using.

 

I felt strangely blank. If static had a feeling associated with it, that is the closest I could come.  I was... sanitized. There was no feeling associated with my thoughts or impressions.  

 

I heard a sigh and felt my muscles tense. Someone’s hand brushed against my cheek and the shock of it caused my eyes to fly open.  It didn’t feel right. It felt like a whisper, or a cobweb, insubstantial and ineffectual, instead of being touched by a human... or hell. For that matter, like being touched by a mutant. There was no heat or coldness to the feel of them touching me. Just the whisper of  almost electrified sensation that was...  _ off. _

 

My eyes flew open and I sat up, scrambling back and away from the touch.  Erik kneeled next to me, frowning at my reaction. Charles sat near him.  I was a bit shocked (okay, not that shocked really) to see that they were holding hands. No. Not holding hands, but... Charles appeared to grasp Erik’s wrist.  Charles’ hair was lank, and his entire face was scrunched up in concentration. He might have said my name to wake me, but now he fairly ignored the two of us.

 

“Forgive me, but I do not have time for gentleness.” Erik’s words reached me only seconds before his hand grasped my own. 

 

The jolt of it caused me to gasp. It felt like touching Storm’s bare skin after she’d called lightening, tingling and buzzing under my fingertips. 

 

“Erik.”

 

I didn’t know what Charles was warning for, but the effect of him saying Erik’s name caused Erik to yank me into his lap so quickly that I bit my tongue.  Well, if I had a tongue to bite. I wasn't entirely sure that I did. 

 

I could feel the entirely alarming sensation of  _ melting _ , like two paints swirling together, and Erik, Charles and I were gone from where we were, and very suddenly deposited somewhere  _ else _ . 

 

Charles’ frown grew more pronounced, and I sensed a whirlwind of activity, although there were no physical ramifications of its presence. Time wasn’t working right. I couldn’t tell how long the whirlwind lasted- a minute or a day meant just the same. 

 

It was pretty trippy. 

 

I felt the Erik’s breath against my ear. “You must listen. You cannot, for any reason, let go of either of us. We absolutely cannot speak mind-to-mind, unless you wish her to know of our presence. I... I do not claim to know how Charles has managed this, but he must stay awake. It is our task to see that he remains so.”

 

Erik frowned, looking over at Charles. His worry was almost palpable, and it wasn’t a good look on him. Erik Lehnsherr didn’t do ‘worried’.  If the other weird shit wasn’t enough to make me pay attention, that would have done it. 

 

“What--” I looked around. We looked to be in a sitting room of some sort, but the look of it kept changing, wavering between shades of the upholstery and color on the walls.  It hurt my eyes to stare at any one thing too long.  I  _ did _ notice that Logan wasn’t anywhere around.  My forehead furrowed in a frown. “Erik--”

 

“What do you remember, Marie?” Charles’ voice sounded exhausted. 

 

That brought me up short.  I don’t think I’d ever heard Charles sound quite like that. My encroaching panic at Logan’s absence was easier to put aside as Charles forced me to  _ remember _ .

 

I remembered Logan’s reaction to finding out that Stryker was alive, and coming after mutants. I remembered the meeting with the other X-Men, and I remembered that man pulling me through the mansion. I’d been unable to do anything. 

 

I jumped in place, and Erik’s grip tightened slightly. It was grounding, and I focused on him, as he meant for me to do.

 

“The Shadowbeast attacked.”

 

I sucked in a shock breath. 

 

“Charles was able to isolate your mind from its power, but then you were given  something. A drug. It is interfering with the remnants of the cure in your body, and it caused...” Erik sighed.  He waved his other hand around, indicating the room. 

 

“We are not... oh  Scheisse .”

 

“Just tell her, my friend.” 

 

Erik’s lips tightened, and that niggling, nervous feeling started to make my tummy feel as though it was jumpin’ around like a bunch of toddlers after drinking a Coke. 

 

“We are not in  _ your _ mind. Charles fought, and was able to lock it down so that it would not take over neither your body nor your consciousness.” 

 

Erik looked impossibly frustrated, and cold enough that for the first time in a long time I remembered the Statue of Liberty, and what had happened there, and how... 

 

“You are safe, but only just. Your body is not harmed... there is just no one ‘home.’ 

 

I cocked my head, staring from Erik to Charles, and back to Erik, not entirely sure why they were worried. I mean- yeah okay, not being in my mind sounded pretty much terrifying, but lounging around in Erik’s or Charles’ mind wasn’t all that bad. Lord knew they’d been in mind enough. 

 

Charles blinked open eyes that looked like they weighed several pounds each. He shook his head at me, once, and I realized that he was still linked closely enough with my mind that he had to be ‘hearing’ what I was thinking. 

 

Charles nodded, once. 

 

Oh crap. 

 

“Where... are we?” 

 

Erik snorted, staring at something over Charles’ head. 

 

“I watched him die.” 

 

The non-sequitur made my brow wrinkle, but it’s effect on Charles was like he’d been electrocuted.  His blue gaze snapped to Erik’s like a rubber band that had been stretched too tight then released.

 

“She was too powerful. She has  _ always _ been more powerful than either of us, even with your caution.” He laughed, a crumpled, twisted sound that for some reason made my throat tight. “You were obliterated in front of me, and I was banished to the mind of a child I had once attempted to kill, unable to help or stop it while my physical body wanders around, lost and Cured.  Is not watching that punishment enough?

 

Erik swallowed, and I began to get a really uncomfortable feeling. 

 

Neither of us answered him. 

 

With my Gift, I hadn’t really questioned too much  _ how _ people had come to live in my head. The Professor had told me that they were shades- mere shadows of the people they resembled in reality. Yet... I knew that was not quite true. Charles was no shade. Erik might have been at one point, but he certainly was no longer. Logan--- possibly. He came alive whenever there was a need to help or protect me, but he’d always done that. I couldn’t say for certain if there was more or less “him” in my head than normal. Carol and the boy I had kissed so long ago had faded over time. 

 

But this? I looked at Erik almost vibrating with his need to use his own Gift- to lash out. He was absolutely furious, but just as equally determined to let go of neither Charles nor myself.  It was obvious that he was ready to erupt into some kind of action, and was holding onto a thread of calm with his teeth and toenails. His lips had flattened, and I could see him trembling slightly, although the whiteness of his knuckles shouted his resolve not to let go of the two of us. 

 

With my other hand, I reached down and pried Erik’s fingers off of my wrist, then  linked Erik’s fingers with mine. He looked away from Charles, and down out our joined fingers, stunned.  I saw Charles do the same with Erik’s right hand, and the shudder that went through Erik’s frame was almost heartbreaking to see. I sort of doubted that many people had touched this man in kindness. I mean, I knew his background. Everyone did. Warm and fuzzy feelings were not often synonymous with Erik’s makeup. 

 

My touch was that of a friend, seeking to comfort another friend.  Charles’... well. That wasn’t my business. They were friends, had been friends for longer than even my parents had been around, but they’d always been  _ more _ than that. The broken look on Erik’s face turned to stunned surprise when Charles leaned over to brush his lips against Erik’s, tightening his grip on Erik. The kiss was chaste, but the way they rested their foreheads together screamed at a level of intimacy that I don’t know if I was comfortable enough with watching. 

 

I knew that I was blushing a little as I looked down at the weirdly moving floor. The three of us had been mind-linked for Pete’s sake! They knew when I had my period, when I had sex, when my ass itched, when I was horny or grouchy or every other emotion I could name. This was fairly tame, but at the same time not.  I desperately wanted to give them what privacy I could. 

 

“I am here. I am here now, with you, old friend. I wish that I could change the past... but that is not one of my Gifts.” 

 

Charles’ voice turned wry at the end, and I could picture him smirking. 

 

“Now. We must deal with the current emergency. Time is- as ever- of the essence.” 

 

“Sugah, I sort of get the feelin’ that whatever you two aren’t tellin’ me is gonna be something I’m really not gonna like.” 

 

The two mutants turned to me with identical sheepish looks on their faces. I had to bite the inside of my mouth not to laugh. It was pretty obvious that they’d been in their own little world. If Erik hadn’t cautioned me about talking mind-to-mind, I would have wondered what Charles had said to him. 

 

“Jean Grey.” 

 

I gagged a little, shocked out of my somewhat cutsie thoughts. “What?!” 

 

“We are in the mind of Jean Grey.” 

 

“You mean the Jean Grey that is  _ dead?”  _

 

Charles sighed.  “Not... exactly.”

 

I’m pretty sure my look was textbook for insubordinate, but it was the closest I could come to ‘what the actual fucking  _ fuck _ ’ without shrieking it into Charles’ mind. 

 

Suddenly, Erik’s reaction made a lot more sense. 

 

“Professor...” I knew I was whining, but everything was starting to make a weird sort of sense. 

 

“I know. I  _ do _ know, Marie. I cannot apologize for my actions. _ I will not _ . I called her here to save us, to help fight the Shadowbeast- the remnants of the Dark Phoenix. I set that in motion when you first fled the mansion.” 

 

“Without telling me.”  Erik’s sounded extremely unpleased. 

 

Charles looked over at his friend, both eyebrows raised. Erik didn’t even have the grace to look sheepish at his hypocrisy. 

 

“Indeed. Do not confuse my desire for--” Charles broke off and his lips straightened into a thin line. “I will not allow this to happen again, Erik.” His look settled on me, and I got the feeling that he was attempting to ask for some kind of understanding, even though his words belied that need.This was very much the strength and arrogance of a mutant who had a Gift that few could understand, and the will and means to make anything he wanted happen. 

 

“This is not ‘our’ Jean Grey.” He flung out his other hand, indicating the room they sat in. “I shan’t begin a lesson on dimension travel, because we really do lack the time, but my memories of Jean’s mind is very insular. As Erik mentioned, I built many of the controls of the Dark Phoenix from the time Jean was a very small girl. Yet, what I... for lack of a better term... ‘remember’ is just slightly off from what this version of Jean remembers from her world’s sitting room. 

 

I blinked and looked around again, recognizing where we were for the first time. It was the sitting room in Xavier’s mansion, usually used for meet and greets for prospective students and nervous parents. It wasn’t a room I’d been in very often, but to my gaze it still looked like staring at a 3D movie without the glasses. But... yeah. That made a strange sort of sense, if I ignored the fact that Charles was casually talking about dimension travel like normal humans talked about going down to the store for a loaf of bread. 

 

I pinched the spot between my eyes, at the top of my nose. I had the horrible feeling that I was about to test the theory on whether or not you could get a stress headache without an actual body. 

 

“So then we--”

 

There was a knock on the door, and Charles’ shoulders straightened. He switched his grip back to grasping Erik’s forearm, and the two of us echoed the small movement, fumbling in our haste. Erik turned towards the door with eyes narrowed. The three of might not agree on whatever the hell crisis was happening right now, but we were a team united against the threat of whatever was about to come through that door. 

 

Charles swallowed so hard that his throat clicked. 

 

“Enter.” 

 

The door swung open, and the woman that walked through caused my heart to lodge itself in my throat. She was taller than I remembered Jean being, but I had always been a little in awe of her and way too jealous of her and Logan’s flirting to really ever get to know her very well. She was dressed very differently than the Jean I knew would ever had dressed. It was a version of her X-suit, but somehow the cut and design of it made her look... dangerous.  Her eyes were... wrong. I’d only seen her eyes like this once, and I couldn’t help the spurt of fear that ran through my body like a current. 

 

“Well, now. You three look like you’re about to meet with the devil.” Her grin was mischievous. 

 

I blinked, not expecting the almost amused tone to her voice. 

 

She strode in and sat down behind what I now recognized as Charles’ desk, swinging her booted feet up onto its surface. 

 

Charles stood, walking towards her with the two of us following like links in a particularly disgruntled human chain.  Jean’s gaze focused on our linked hands, and she frowned, as though confused by the sight. “Lookit- I get why you need her here. But I don’t know if I get....him.” She pointed to Erik who did a pretty good impression of bristling up like a really pissed off cat. 

 

“Hello, Jean.” 

 

She grinned.  “Man, it’s good to hear your voice. My Charles has been gone for several years.” She caught the look on Erik’s face. “Oh calm down, handsome.  _ I _ didn’t kill him. I take it this world’s version of me...” she looked at all three of our faces. “Yeah.” She frowned. “Well that’s gonna make things awkward.” 

 

“Thank you for your assistance, nonetheless.” 

 

“Well, I haven’t done anything yet. You’ll need to fill me in on the particulars. Stephen wouldn’t tell me what was going on, but that’s not new for him. You know Stephen, when he’s all--” she waggled her fingers “--Sorcerer Supreme-y...oh. You  _ don’t _ know what the hell I’m talking about.” She mimed zipping her lips. “You go ahead and catch me up, Professor.”

 

“Ah. Yes. Well...” Charles seemed as weirded out by the changes in Jean as I was. “In this... dimension... the Dark Phoenix did quite of bit of damage when it manifested. We thought it was destroyed, but there were small remnants left in the mind of Rogue, here. Possibly in others. I am not certain. Those remnants we’ve taken to calling the Shadowbeast.”

 

Jean’s face didn’t change. 

 

“We have, I assume, a common enemy. Stryker has been involved in administering a Cure to mutants, one that blocks their Gifts, so that they are human-normal.”

 

For the first time, Jean frowned, but she remained quiet. 

 

“The Shadowbeast has attacked Marie’s mind several times. Her control is weak, and it has worn down her natural defenses to an almost...” he blew out a breath of frustration. “I have managed to temporarily neutralize its presence, but only by ‘jumping ship,’ as it were.  Our fear is that this is the parts of the Dark Phoenix that our Jean could not control. And... with many of the mutants effectively sterilized against their mutations...” 

 

Jean nodded. “So you want me to... what. Clean house?”

 

“Essentially, yes.” 

 

Erik’s low growl of “How do you know she can be trusted?”  pretty much took my words out of my mouth. It seemed too easy that Charles was ready to embrace her and her help with open arms. Not after everything we’d been through.  Jean swung her legs down and sat up straight. She leaned forward earnestly, as though she couldn’t fathom why someone wouldn’t trust her. Like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. 

 

Maybe it was just that arrogance. Maybe Charles really did know something that Erik and I didn’t. Maybe we were all just screwed and hadn’t realized it yet.  Still, I kind of wish that I had thought to stop it, instead of watching it happen.

 

She slowly reached out across the desk, smirking at Erik. 

 

“That’s the thing. You... don’t.” 

 

Her hand reached down onto Charles’ shoulder, and the shock of it sent all of us jumbling together, like the whirlwind from before had ramped up a notch.  I didn’t know how else to describe it. The four of us sat there, still linked while watching a tornado from the inside. 

 

But when the dust settled, I couldn’t help it. It was childish to close my eyes so tightly, like a kid who hoped that the monsters weren’t really there.  I knew better. The monsters were just as real as anything else, lately. 

 

Like before, I took stock of my surroundings before opening my eyes. If playing possum was an Olympic Event, you bet your ass I’d be bringin’ home a damn medal. 

 

I knew that I was alone. 

 

In my own mind, the Professor had taught me to give each of the ‘personalities’ their own space, so they didn’t overwhelm my ..  _ me _ -nes. I had done what I could, working closely with him to eke out little spaces for Erik, Carol, Logan... so no one would trip over no one else. 

 

Jean had done the same. We might have been linked before, but now were were separated, locked behind whatever prison doors she used to keep her mind orderly. With her touch, she had outdone whatever Charles had fought so hard to set up. To my left, I could hear the sound of something throwing itself against the door over and over, like an animal caught in a cage. Erik’s English had completely deserted him, and my German wasn’t up to muster. I recognized the tone, and a few of the filthier words, and I knew that prison doors or not, Jean was lucky there wasn’t any metal around. 

 

When I finally had the courage to open my eyes, I could only stare. 

 

I didn’t know where Charles was. The two of them had been so adamant about how dangerous it was to not let go... and now I was here, and Erik was there... and Charles was... god knew where. 

 

“I just want to mention that you guys called me in.” 

 

Jean’s voice seemed to echo through everything. I could feel her voice in my fillings, almost like it was echoing through my bones. 

 

“So if you don’t like what you see... don’t shoot the messenger.” 

 

The door to my room turned opaque, then fizzed, like a television lost to static. I blinked, trying to let my eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. When they did, I almost wished they hadn’t.

 

It was like watching a TV- but I knew that this was no prime time. 

 

Jean stared into a mirror. I could see everything that she saw as though through her eyes, and it was pretty clear that this is what Charles’ stunt had reduced us to. That probably wasn’t his intention, and I know he’d be furious with himself to see what had resulted from his desperate plan to keep the three of us from fading away when the Shadowbeast took over my mind. 

 

Still there was probably only one thing to say.

 

“Aw,  _ shit _ .” 

 

Jean smirked.

 

* * *

 

 

**Logan**

  
  


“Wolvie?” 

 

I blinked, catching my reflex- which would have been... unpleasant- just in time.  Jubilee stood there, and I could tell she had been callin’ my name for awhile.  I turned to stare at her, and whatever look was on my face made her already wet eyes tear up again. She sniffed, and stumbled forward blindly. 

 

I wasn’t normally a huggy sort of guy- but Jubilee had not only seen someone bleed out and die, and on top of that, her best friend was whisked away almost under her nose. 

 

She was just a damn kid. 

 

She sniffed again against my shirt, and relaxed into my awkward backpat for just a second before sighing and pulling away, obviously trying to seem stronger than she probably was. 

 

“You got your phone? You better call this in.” With Destiny’s eyes shut, there was probably nothing that would give her away as a mutant, but the cops had to do their thing. As much as most of ‘em wished we didn’t, we still lived in the human world, and by human rules. 

 

Although- with all the marches on Washington Storm was talking about,  maybe the more vocal ones wouldn’t wish we weren’t here anymore. 

 

“You should leave me here with the car to call it in, Logan. You need to get back to tell them what happened, and you can do that quicker than if I just handle the cops.”

 

“I can’t just--”

 

“You  _ can _ and you  _ will _ . You think  _ I’m _ gonna be the one to find her?” She snorted and made shooing motions with her hands. “Come on already.  Like,  _ Go _ !” 

 

Well, that made me feel less like an asshole for leaving her here. It was a busy road, even way the hell out here. And lord knew she could take care of herself. One wrong move and that unsuspecting asshole would end up with a plasma blast somewhere  _ real _ unpleasant. 

 

“Okay, kid.” 

 

Before I could say anything else Jubes turned her back on me and made the call to 911.  Dismissed, I turned back towards the Mansion and ran. 

 

I didn’t get to run like this very often. Sometimes I’d push myself to get to this speed, but usually I kept it somewhat less panic-stricken and more controlled. 

 

Fucking Stryker. My memories from before were spotty- and the Professor had pretty much said that I’d never get them back. Jean had made some noises about helping me, but I had been... less than eager to have her go rooting around in my mind. She’d been in there once and it was weird enough that. Well. Some shit was just creepy.  When the Professor barged into your mind, you didn’t know he was there unless he damn well wanted you to know. He could root around, change your whole personality, shuffle through your memories like a stack of poker cards, and you’d never have an inkling. Jean though- for as powerful as she was- her hold tended to stick around. Like the sticky residue you got when candy melted, or the slight bit of oil on your fingers after you ate some movie theater popcorn, it wasn’t really unpleasant per se- just... you knew it was there. 

 

Still- as much as sometimes I wanted those memories, I didn’t know that I  _ needed _ them. Wheels had told me over and over that they would serve no purpose, and their weight would damage me all over again. 

 

Until now. Now, I would take any pain, any memory, any spirit or shade from my past that would get Marie back safely. 

 

When I willingly thought of Stryker- and believe you me, bub, it wasn’t that fuckin’ often, I remembered his sneering face, or his hand on my shoulder as pain ricocheted through me. Sometimes I had the impression of snow, and water, and.... 

 

...but then it would be gone, and I’d be lost. Even if I  _ did _ know where to go, there was no promise that Marie was actually at the base I remembered. Stryker could have moved it, or had it destroyed. Hell, it could be a Starbucks for all I knew. 

 

I crouched a little lower and ran just that tiniest bit faster. My muscles burned, starved for oxygen. I took the pain, accepted it as my due. Small potatoes to what I deserved for letting them take her. 

 

Problem with living for a fuckin’ age was that I knew I’d never forgive myself for this. Almost literally, never. Not until Marie was dust in the ground, and even then. 

 

I stumbled, caught myself before I could fall. Forced myself to slow down enough that I could suck in some air.  Strictly speaking, I could go for a while without oxygen, but it gave me a bitch of a headache. 

 

The hedges of the Mansion were easy enough to jump, and I loped up to the doors and barrelled through with hardly a hello to anyone. I did see the kid who Gregor had kicked, showing off a split lip to a gaggle of mutants kids, all cooing over him. 

 

When I walked by, the kid jumped off the table and fairly ran for me. 

 

“Mither. Wolverine? Thir?” 

 

I swear to god, if this kid was any more pitifully cute, he’d be a cast extra on the next Lifetime Christmas Special. His lisp was more from the swollen lip than a speech impairment, but he was missing baby teeth and had a helluva shiner starting. 

 

Still, he’d done more for Marie than I had managed. 

 

I crouched down to his level, and the kid’s eyes widened. “Hey. I saw what you did there. What’s your name, kid?”

 

“Thamuel.”

 

“Well, Samuel, that’s one helluva gift you’ve got. You get a little older, I think that sort of bravery is exactly what we need.” 

Of course, that was assuming that the Xmen didn’t implode without the Professor’s leadership, which was pretty much where “we” were now. 

 

Samuel started to grin, visibly remembered that he had a split lip, and winced. “Do you think she’s gonna be okay?” 

 

The kid’s eyes filled up with tears and I nodded, ruffling his hair.  I didn’t blame the kid for cringing away. I remembered lots of nights of Marie sitting up with some of the kids, reading them stories and making s’mores and shit and I knew I was a piss poor substitute for comfort. 

 

“She’s gotta be.” 

 

The kid nodded, then went back to his admirers- all of  _ them _ looked even more awed that the Wolverine didn’t eat him- and I made my way downstairs.  Down the elevator, to the sub level, I was caught like I always was by how oddly cold, and wickedly sterile everything seemed. Almost futuristic, like dipping down into Chuck’s subconscious. I could hear raised voices as I turned a corner, and started walking quietly, so I could listen before they noticed me. 

 

“This is unworthy of us. Rogue would not stop if one of us--” 

 

“You can’t keep someone like that in the Xmen!”

 

“The Professor would--”

 

“Look, I get it, but she’s fuckin’  _ danger- _

 

“You can’t! We don’t have the manpower to split now, damnit!” 

 

“ **_SILENCE_ ** !” The Beast’s roar caused all of them to freeze into place.  The Beast huffed out a frustrated breath and pulled his cuffs down with two sharp movements that made the stitches in the seams groan. 

 

“Seems like you got a fuckton of work ahead of ya,” I knew that the smile on my face was neither kind nor welcoming, by the way some of the younger members flinched away.  A couple of them wouldn’t look me in my eyes. Beast did, of course, and Storm, but everyone else was afraid. 

 

Fuckin’ lilly-livered cowards, the lot of ‘em.

 

“Storm?” 

 

I ignored all of them, and directed my attention to her. Fearless as always, she tilted her chin to look me in the eyes.  “I told you...”

 

“Yes. Indeed. ‘if she goes, you go’, I believe you said. As of now, Logan, you are on full leave of absence.” 

 

Storm stared patiently at me, with the Beast givin’ me one helluva hairy eyebrow on my left. It was obvious they were waiting for me to understand whatever secret shit they were trying to tell me, but I wasn’t any good with that telepathic crap. 

 

“You have twenty minutes to leave the premises. As it stands, I really feel the truck would be the best vehicle, given your status.” The Beast stared at me over his glasses. Butter wouldn’ta melted in his mouth. 

 

Storm’s lips twitched. “So, should you... if you will forgive the pun... go  _ rogue _ , you will not do so as a supported member of the Xmen.” 

 

Oh.  _ Ohh _ , you clever damn thing, you. 

 

I popped my claws, and roared a little, more  to make the younger kids shit themselves than because I was angry. I used that as an exit, furiously making my way upstairs and into my room to pack what shit I could pack, whatever I might need. Beast made it clear he’d left me some goodies in the truck, and Storm had to hit me upside the head with the fact that I was free to go do what I wanted, with no repercussions, and nothing to hold me back. 

 

I can’t say that I blamed them really. There were a lot of very scared kids here. Kids like Marie, who had been neglected and turned so terrified of their mutation that they didn’t have any sense of normalcy. And I had thought it myself not too long ago- what we’d had was broken. It had started when Scott had died, and hit its death throes when the Professor had been obliterated. What was left over were a few people who had to establish safety and routine before they could work on outside interests.  Putting up walls, circling the wagons, didn’t matter what the hell you called it.  It sucked, and I knew that I could use them to find Marie, but.... they had bigger problems than one girl. 

 

I shoved some shit in my spare pack, then jogged down to the garage. Beast had a crate in the back of the truck, and what looked like a small toolbox, and I just wanted to go. I could look at all that shit later. 

 

*****

 

By the second day, I was frustrated as fucking hell. My mood, which hadn’t ever been a damn sunshiney day to begin with, was so foul that I knew I’d scared the little old lady at the toll booth, if the police escort I’d gotten to my hotel was any indication. 

 

Nothing.

 

Not one fucking sign of her. Beast had included a map, marked with site after site of potential Stryker headquarters, but not a goddamn thing was comin’ up roses. 

 

I pounded the steering wheel of the old beat-up truck, and rested my head on the top of the curve. Here in the middle of nowhere in bumfuck, Manitoba, with nothing to show for it but two empty donut boxes from Tim Hortons, and a cup of coffee that had been warm at least thirteen hours ago, if not longer. 

 

“ _ Fuck _ .”

 

There had to be something I could do. Something that would spark the memory that unlocked all this shit. Something obvious, something----

 

Wait. 

 

I picked up my head, nostrils flaring as I scented the air. 

 

Every single muscle in my body froze as the scent solidified. Something had to be wrong. A trap?  _ Something _ , because there was no. fucking. Wa--

 

“Hiya, Logan.” 

 

Cool as you fuckin please, Jean Grey opened up the passenger-side door and slid into the truck. 

 

I swallowed, her scent so thick on my tongue that it was making me lightheaded. Memories washed over me in a wave, and I could barely keep my head above water. I remembered pushing myself forward, knowing that the force the Dark Phoenix was putting out would kill anything else in its path. As it was, I was barely healing in time. I remembered those eyes, dark with all the stars in the sky behind them. I remember Jean begging for me to save her, and my stupid, useless attempt at comfort- an ‘I love you’ that had been thrown as an an apology, as a prayer before I’d murdered Jean to save us all. 

 

I’d been able to feel her heart beating, thumping against the adamantium, like a current. 

 

I shook my head, and brought my arms up to-- well, no. No I  _ wanted _ to put my arms up, but I was sitting here glued to the spot, with both hands on the steering wheel like a damn kid in driver’s ed learning how to drive for the first time. 

 

She cocked her head, and I struggled against her hold. 

 

“So- you know scent doesn’t lie. You don’t know how the hell this is happening, and your brain is fluttering around to try to make sense of it.” She reached out with one finger and touched my muttonchop, sliding the digit down over the jut of my jaw and over my lips. 

 

I don’t know what sound I made, but it wasn’t a sound of disgust. 

 

_ “Shh.  _ Now, you’ve lost something very important to you. And you’re lost  _ now _ , not knowing where to go. You know me, Logan. You know what a lie tastes like, looks like on my body.” She leaned forward, and I thought she was going to kiss me, but it was only to grip my chin and stare into my eyes, her own bizarre pupiless orbs only inches away. “You don’t trust me, but you  _ know _ me. Or... a version of me. I take it that this world’s Phoenix didn’t exactly leave on the best note.” 

 

I felt the too-heavy touch of a mind against my own, and panicked, feeling like a lightning bug caught under the lid of a jar. I could see how to get out, but was helpless, throwing my mind against Jean--- no. _The_ _Phoenix’s_ hold on me.

 

Scents could be faked. Not often, and I had never been fooled before.. But I wasn’t so much of dick to think that there wasn’t something,  _ somewhere _ , out there that could pull the rug out from under me. But the exact same feeling of that mind on mine? Clinging like webs, sticky like melted taffy, it was a feeling that I would never,  _ could _ never forget. 

 

I felt her lips on my cheek, the pull of her teeth on my earlobe. I gasped, and stared at her face, lips a bare breath from my own. 

 

“You need to decide. Trust me... trust that you know me, trust that I can help you, or I can walk out of this truck and you’ll never see me again. But I promise you. You will never find her without my help.” 

 

She must have released her hold on me, because I could move again. I did, backing up against the door. I didn’t much care for ceding ground to her, but I needed the space to breathe... both figuratively and literally. 

 

The seconds ticked by as I forced my heart rate to slow down. I stared at her, shocked into silence. 

 

I know, I know. Shut your pie hole before you catch flies. 

 

She’s spoken of a ‘version’ of herself. As explanations went, god knew I’d seen weirder shit.  And that did fit- how she could smell like her, her mind feel like her own, but still not look...quite... right. 

 

This Jean was harder around the eyes and mouth, the face more narrow than what I remember. The eyes were right, and so was the hair, but the rest of her looked... off. 

 

If this was a trap, it was such a fuckin’ good one that I wanted to applaud. If I had cracked, then who or what I worked with didn’t matter. If this was legit, then... I’d had the help that I’d needed fall practically into my lap. 

 

“You fuck up and something happens to Marie and this time when I kill you I will make it last.” 

 

Her eyes widened a little, and it struck me then that probably very few people had the balls to threaten a Phoenix who was in control of her powers. 

 

“I promise, Logan. I will help you retrieve Rogue’s body.” 

 

Didn’t much care for the way she phrased it. I Didn’t smell a lie...

 

... but her words were far from comforting. I knew what I was going to do and could practically hear Chuck spinnin’ his wheels in his grave. 

 

“Fine. Where to?” 

  
  


 

 

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D

 

**Logan**

 

I don’t know why I’d expected it to be easy, but I had. I thought that after Jean appeared in my borrowed truck, I’d just follow her to wherever it was that Stryker was keeping Marie. I don’t know, that she’d do some super nifty mind-control voodoo bullshit and _volia_ Marie’s whereabouts would appear.

Not so much.

Jean went over all of my notes, over everywhere Beast had marked on the map, and had added a few places of her own. 

“How the hell do you know that?” My tone wasn’t exactly sweet when I asked.

She had shrugged. “These are places I’ve found him in my other... er. Travels. He could be there, he could be in another spot, but it would be easier to make absolutely sure before we start to reinvent the wheel.” 

It made me feel that whatever dimension she was from, this wasn’t her first rodeo when it came to eliminating Stryker.

She was skilled in avoiding questions that she didn’t want to answer. Jean didn’t go rooting through my mind, but I’d catch her staring at me with this look on her face that made me feel... well. I didn’t quite have words for it. I can’t say I minded the attention- she was a beautiful woman after all. I mean, I wasn’t going to crawl into bed with her or anything, but for whatever reasons she was doing this I sure a shit wasn’t about to say no.   I needed the help, and must have finally gotten over myself, because I didn’t care much who provided it- if the end result was I had Marie in my arms again.

I started to roll my eyes at my own melodrama, then stopped. Marie in my arms, in my bed, in my life. . . maybe I shouldn’t be so dismissive of getting what I wanted. 

“- standing there.”

I jumped, blinking, realizing all at once that Jean was talkin’ to me. 

“I _said_ that I think you might need some sleep based on how long you’ve been standing there staring at nothing. We’ve got only two places left before we start to get creative in our search.”

I blinked. For a second, I thought she sounded like. . .

...Jesus. Maybe I _did_ need to get some fuckin’ sleep. I nodded shortly and stood up, stretching my arms and legs, and wincing when my back popped into place. I didn’t want to stop. With Jean’s help we had scoured through the places in so little time. “I’m fine. Let’s take the next one.”

Jean stared at me, head tilted slightly to the left as though she was listening to something only she could hear. It was quite strange to see her eyes that way; her eyes had been bright and laughing with humor. Well, in my case, exasperation, but they’d always been warm. The black, faintly star-covered inky blackness was bizarre enough that I wanted to both spend a few more minutes trying to stare into their depths and cringe away in equal measure. She wore dark glasses to cover the fact that her eyes looked like something out of a bad acid trip, but she’d taken them off around me fairly quickly.

“Nah.” I finally managed to answer. “Would rather push on, if it’s all the same to you.”

Jean turned around with a shrug and tapped a spot on a map.  “Alright then. This is a long shot, but in my ‘verse, it was quite a party. Hydra had kept a bunker in the middle of a lake, buried between the surface, ‘cuz you _know_ how pretentious those asshole are, and the Aveng- uh. This group I’ve worked with on occasion found a whole stash of telepathic trolls there.”  

“The trolls. . . were telepathic?”

Jean nodded, rolling her eyes a little. “Yeah. Stick with me here, Wolvie. The compound had different apparatuses used for psionics and abilities, and it would be an easy enough stretch to assume that they’re gonna take your girl there.”  She moved closer and suddenly my personal space was occupied. If I’d been drinking something instead of staring down at her damn map, the surprise would have caused me to spew it all over her face.

“You sure you don’t want to take a quick break?”

The way she said ‘break’ coupled with the arch look in her gaze made it pretty obvious what she meant, but the finger she traced down my Adam’s apple to the middle of my chest was like someone shot a gun next to my ear.   

I felt her in my mind then, flipping through my memories, thick, leaving the weird residue behind. The feeling was so odd that I froze in place, staring at her with narrowed eyes.  Deliberately, I took a step backwards, letting one claw _snikt_ into existence. I kept it pointed down, not quite ready to threaten her, but not really down with her flipping through my mind like Gambit did through a deck of cards.

“Jean.” It was impossible not to compare the two versions. Differences in speaking, the slightly more lethal body aside, she was dangerous in a way that the Jean I had known just wasn’t. I stepped away with another step and she smirked a little but didn’t push it, instead closing the laptop with the map and grabbing her water bottle off the hood of the truck.  

“Well, come on then. We can be there by fourteen hundred if we hustle.”

Still feeling a little like I was missing something, I raised my eyebrow at her back and slid behind the wheel, starting it and waiting for her to program the coordinates into the GPS. The location wasn’t too far from our location. With an unmodified vehicle, it probably would have taken us a few days to get there. With Beast’s little tweaks and nudges, we’d be there in just a few hours. 

Jean reached to turn on the radio, and something with a club beat started throbbing in the small space of the truck’s cab. 

My fingers tightened on the wheel, but I refrained from ripping out her throat.

Maybe I was growing as a person.

I snorted to myself, then pulled out of the truck stop onto a highway.  It was freezing cold of course, and the wind had frozen the slightly melting snow into a kaleidoscope of icicles and frozen drifts of snow.

“Hey, Logan?”

I flinched at hearing her say my name like that, with the same little hitch of breathlessness that had me twisted around her counterpart’s finger.

“Yeah?’

“We’re gonna get her back, you know.”

I swallowed hard, uncomfortably aware of how hard she stared at my profile, unsure if she was sincere or not.  It was hard to keep my reaction inside. I didn’t know her. She didn’t get to poke at me, to see what would happen.

I managed to jerk my head in acknowledgement, and she seemed to get the point.

We were quiet for the rest of the trip.

 

****

 

 _‘Ten o’clock_.’

Jean’s mind voice was bright in my mind, clearer than even Chucky’s had been. It was almost brittle with precision, and I nodded, not comfortable with saying words in my head to respond. 

The realization that Marie was likely being held here sent a buzz of adrenaline through my system and as I focused my breathing, I took a precious moment to plan out what I wanted to do, making sure that I could see it in my head.  There were two guards by a guardhouse, with enough firepower to really ring my bell if they were so inclined.  I saw a small guardhouse, and according to the specs of the holding facility, a large elevator that descended under the lake. I closed my eyes and pictured the layout, then nodded again.

Jean aimed, and the _pfztt! pfztt!_  of her taking aim and shooting made something low and familiar curl in my gut, and the grin stretched my mouth almost before I realized how much I’d missed this; Well, not the murder of lackey assholes part of it, but the fact that after days and days of wasting my goddamn time I was finally _doing_ something.

I ran at the two goons that were on the grating at the second level, and took them out just as they were attempting to swing their weapon into play. It felt _good_ to eke out some kind of retribution, and even if these weren’t the guys who had a hand in taking Marie from me, I could brush off any lingering conscious with the wholehearted belief that _somewhere_ these dicks had hurt one of the good guys.

I was almost bowled over by a heavy, sticky image sent from Jean, an image of Marie on a metal slab of a surgical table, looking frail in a hospital gown. I felt the burning pain of a bullet slice across my abdomen, and grunted under my breath, trying to see past the image of Marie looking pale as death in order to take out the guy who’d shot me.

_She’s in the basement prison hospital. I’ll get these guys, you get to her and I’ll catch up as soon as I can._

Instead of answering, I ran at a few soldiers who just about shit themselves, throwing down their guns before I could get to them. It took a second to roll my eyes and knock their heads together- gently though, so that they’d just wake up with a bitch of a headache instead of not wake up at all. I took their weapons and ran towards the stairs, noting that Jean had made her careful way to the elevators. Most of the goons were following her, thinking she was an easy target.

Stupid fucks.

I ran down the first twelve flights of stairs without anyone stopping me. I heard a klaxon going off somewhere and grinned a little at a few mentions of  “-attack! At the elevators!” I raised a surprised elbow when the elevator opened with a _‘ding!’_ and Jean stepped out with hardly a hair out of place, a pile of bodies behind her. She waved jauntily, and kicked one of the bodies so the shoulder blocked the elevator doors closing, causing anyone above to be unable to send it up to the surface.

“Nice.”

She shrugged elegantly with one shoulder. “I don’t have a lot of time left here. Strange is a bit of a bastard about punctuality. You try the computers yet?”

“No.” I walked towards the door and peeked inside. Marie was there. She was _there_ just a few feet away. My heart jumped to my throat, and a flash of the grainy, green film from when I was kept in the panic room of the Mansion swam behind my gaze. She had done everything for me. There was no way that I could do any less for her.

“Hey, Logan?”

I turned, only to jump back against the door when she stepped right up into my space.

“Don’t gut me, okay?”

My mind stalled when Jean kissed me. Her lips were strangely soft, and she tasted the same as “my” version of Jean. I felt her hand on my cheek, and I realized I was kissing her back, tasting her breath with our tongues twisting together. It was nice, but it wasn’t. . ..

It just wasn’t.

I pulled away, looking down at her with a look of surprise on my face. She bit her lip and looked down, looking rattled for the first time since I’d met this strange-other version of her.  

“Shit. I’m . . . I’m sorry. I just. I had to see if. . . I just had to see.”  She took a short step back, still not looking at me. For the first time since she had shown up, Jean didn’t have the strong sense of confidence about her that I had come to recognize. She looked tired, and strangely sad.

I shrugged. “No reason.” I tilted up her chin so that she would meet my eyes. Not sure how much good that would do me with someone who could fuck my mind over without even blinking, but she seemed strangely vulnerable. “What was that about?”

“I uh. In my. . . world. Well. We. We were a little closer than I think you and the other version of me were. I just had to. . . see.”

It surprised me that her world didn’t have a Scott panting after a Jean, but her and me. . . it made sense. It was easy enough to infer that I had died, or left, and she’d not seen me for quite awhile. The kiss was nostalgic, and I really couldn’t fault her for it.  I started to say something along those lines, but before I could, she snapped back into her Phoenix persona and any softer moments were forcibly stomped to the ground.

“Come on. We need to get in there.”

Jean turned towards the computers, fingers flying over the consoles with very smooth ease. I heard a beep, and long tone, and the locks on the door clicked. I also heard the sound of people on the stairs, and turned to Jean. She shook her head, already raising her hand towards the stairwell. “You take care of the girl. I’ve got this.”

All thoughts of Jean Grey left my mind. I was so focused on Marie that I barely noticed the form of a woman crumpled between the door of the cell and the bed until I tripped over her. She was very obviously dead, the bullet hole an almost perfect hole in her forehead. The exit wound wasn’t as pretty, and the blood and brain matter spattered on the floor answered well enough what had happened to her. I saw the nameplate ‘ McTaggart’ and frowned, knowing that Marie had mentioned that name to me for one reason or another, then shrugged and scooped the nearly weightless Marie up in my arms.

She was cold.

My eyes widened, panic starting to burn its way up my throat.  

I shut my eyes, tuning out Jean noisily kicking ass outside, my own thudding heartbeat, everything except the sound of Marie’s pulse.

Nothing.

No.

 

 _No_.

I put my ear to her chest, ignoring everything my enhanced senses were telling me. They had to be wrong. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t. Fucking. _Possible_. Not after everything.

“Marie?” I whispered it, shaky and terrified, my barely there voice loud in the silent room. I swallowed hard, ignoring the tight-pinched feeling in my throat when I still didn’t hear a pulse.

No!  I was. I was too. . . late.

“ **_MARIE_ **!”

  


***

 

**Marie**

There was probably some kind of far-reaching irony in the fact that I was essentially a passenger in Jean’s body.

After absorbing all the personalities I’d absorbed: the boy I’d kissed so long ago, a few wayward, handsy travellers, Erik, Carol, Logan, and even Charles. . . all of them had been forced to live through me. Literally. If I was asleep, then they were asleep. If I was awake, then they were awake. It wasn’t until Charles’ recent machinations that anything had changed.  

It even burned that she’d been better at the control of those personalities than I was.  I sighed, staring balefully at the bars of my cell door.

The worst part about all of this is that I didn’t know how long I’d been in here.

I heard a thud from outside, and a low growl and mutter of German. Whatever Jean had done to keep her travelers from overlapping one another, she’d done a bang-up job. The cells were practically soundproof; ensuring that we could barely communicate. Even shouting at the top of my lungs hadn’t worked at first.

It had taken hours and hours, or maybe days and days, to break down the cells so that we could even communicate. Now I could hear Erik, and he could hear me, but that was about it. The structure was still strong enough that we couldn’t do anything else to free ourselves. I looked around. It looked like a standard padded cell. There wasn’t a toilet- but we weren’t in our actual bodies, so that hadn’t mattered much. I was wearing a hospital gown for some reason, and looked filthy- my hair lank and greasy from being unwashed for several days.  The most comfortable place to sit was in the corner, and that’s where I had spent most of my captivation, hunched in the corner with my legs drawn up to my chest, head pillowed in my arms.

_“Diese schlampe.”_

I winced, and looked up towards the door.

Erik was less than complimentary about his imprisonment, although I think that a good bit of that had to do with Jean keeping Erik and Charles from each other.

Charles might as well have completely disappeared. He didn’t respond to either of us calling for him.

I heard another _thud_ and what sounded like a shout of satisfaction. Erik shouted something else but before I could move, the door to my cell _exploded_ open, and a furious Erik Lehnsherr strode through, the metal of the door flowing around him like bees disturbed from their hive.  With a twitch of his fingers, the once-door fell to the ground in tatters, and he almost tripped in his haste to get to my side, concern visible on his face. “ _Wie gehts_? Marie?” Forgive me, _Liebling_. Are you. . . Marie?”   


“Hi.”  I was a little shocked that he’d gone to such trouble to get to me. I’d expected this for Charles- especially after the scene I’d witnessed, but not me.

His worried face broke out in a smile so huge that for a moment he didn’t look like the broody Erik I’d gotten to know. “Hi.”  He brushed my hair off my forehead and shifted to sit beside me, stretching his arm a little awkwardly out so that he could lay it along my shoulders. With a twitch of his hand, the metal of what had recently been the door to my cell stacked itself neatly outside of the doorway.  

At first, it was horribly awkward. Neither of us was particularly good at neither comfort nor cuddling. We figured it out well enough, by me turning my body into the crook of Erik’s arm, nestling my face just above his armpit, on his chest. Slowly he relaxed, becoming less wooden and more natural, and we sat there, curled into one another until I fell asleep.

 

***

 

‘Marie. . .’

The voice was almost visceral. It rocketed through me like a gunshot.   

“Charles?”

“ _Charles!”_

Erik and I spoke at the same time, shocked.

He looked _awful_.  Erik was halfway up and reaching for him before I could even blink, and I couldn’t say what exactly had made me do it, but I managed to keep ahold of his other hand, keeping the two of us linked.  I had no idea of the stipulation that Charles had fought so hard against was still there, or what, but I for damn sure wasn’t going to be the thing that broke us.

_“Alter Freund, Was ist mit dir passiert?”_

Charles swayed where he stood, phasing through the walls of the prison. Where he walked, chaos reigned. Erik had broken through Jean’s prison on pure stubbornness; unwilling (or perhaps unable) to remain apart from me when he knew that I was alone and scared.

Charles had broken through on pure _will_. Whatever limits the Dark Phoneix of our world had imposed on Charles Xavier’s mutation were completely obliterated. Looking through his body to the walls behind him, I could see that the landscape of Jean’s mind looked like a tornado, utterly decimating as far as the eye could see.

I wasn’t sure if Jean knew what Charles had done, but part of me really didn’t care.

“Erik,” Charles gasped, falling to his knees on my left, with Erik still half-stretched towards him. Erik cupped Charles’ cheek and brought their foreheads together so gently that I felt like an interloper on what was a _painfully_ intimate moment.

I knew that Charles and I were close, and that to some extent he loved me as a fond niece, or perhaps a favorite student in need of a nudge to reach their full potential.  He was loyal, and unbearably kind. I felt extremely close with him, and knew that he’d taken over my body to protect it. In my time in this damn prison, I’d come to understand how much Charles and I were alike, and needed one another.

But watching the two of them?

God almighty; it broke my _heart._

I tried to press myself back, awkwardly attempting to ignore them even while my childish, romantic heart did flips in place.

Charles, somehow knowing exactly how I felt, turned slightly to brush my hair back from my face.  It was sweet, and poignant, and made me feel anchored, secure in the knowledge of my place in the world.

Of course, that’s when everything went to shit.

 

**

**An Interlude**

 

_A punch to the diaphragm, the implosion of a small star, a flicker of realities, flipping like a deck of cards into one vision and all of the sudden, I could see._

_\-- I was Jean and Jean was me as we leaned forward, meeting Logan’s startled lips with our own. We tasted his surprise, and his acquiescence to the kiss, our heart broke in remembered pain of watching him murdered before our very eyes, and somehow._ Somehow _he’s alive and well and tastes. the. same._

 _\- He pulls away and our heart breaks all over again to see his familiar, worn, and worried face marked with a strange sort of sympathy. Of pity._ “What was that about?” _and we can’t tell him, can’t_ possibly _explain. Not in any way that can make sense, but we try. We fail._

_-We are distracted, and swear under our breath, and by the realization of what must be done. We see the dead, crumpled body of the woman in the cell with us and know that Logan’s pain, the sound of his heart shattering when he realizes that we are---_

 

“ ** _MARIE_ **!”

 

_-The sound of the end of everything. It’s staggering in its simplicity, and all at once we can understand again why success is so important._

_-We cannot fail._

\--and it’s time, it’s time. Strange told her what she must do, and how she must do it, and it hurt so much. Gritting her teeth, Jean walks into the cell, ignores the pain of seeing Logan crumpled around Rogue’s lifeless body. He wasn’t hers in this world, and it seemed impossible that this man did not have someone who loved him, someone who needed him as much as Jean had needed her version of Logan, her Logan who was lost to her forever.

It was time. _Time_. TimetimeTimetime. . ..

Jean licks her lips, and flings a barrier to stop the minions advancing on their position. Like this, and with this much understanding, she can _see_ the poison in Rogue’s veins, and with a heavy heart she flings Logan from the girl’s body with another barrier of pure force.

The look of utter _betrayal_ that flickers over his features is just as painful as what she is about to do.

With a deep breath, she attacks.

Rogue’s mind is undefended, weakened.  Jean flinches as she covers Rogue’s psi points with hands that shake. She throws everything at the fragile-seeming girl underneath her, burning out the Cure that wracks her body, changing her DNA at the cellular level.

Rogue’s body bows underneath Jean’s onslaught and the scream that fills the room is almost inhuman.

Jean sees the gold circular spark of Strange’s Portal and _jerks_ with everything that she has in her.  She has known what would happen, and accepted the consequences with the two of them connected mind-to-mind as they were.

Whatever she had done to them in this world. . ..

. . . she hoped that this evened the red in her ledger. She sucked in what breath she could find as the creeping poison spread from Rogue to her own body. Rogue’s mind was empty for the briefest of moments, but even then, the Shadowbeast was poised and ready to take over.

And that? That would be the end of them all.  

Jean readied herself, more exhausted than she had ever been, weary and desperate as she screamed out her last-ditch effort at absolution.

 

“ **_NOW_ ** , CHARLES!”

  
  


 

**TBC**

 

* * *

 

I had some help with a few friends with the German, but if you see any issues, please let me know. 

 _Diese schlampe-_ That whore (I was going for bitch, but that's as close as I could figure out.) 

 _Wie gehts_?-- Are you okay?

 _Liebling-_ Sweetheart

 _Alter Freund, Was ist mit dir passiert?-_ Old Friend, what's the matter? 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>  
> 
> ... still alive, guys. Thank you for sticking with this thing!

**Author's Note:**

> (Yes, I'm still alive. As I said, I just write very slowly. Subscribe if you wish so that you don't miss anything!)
> 
>  
> 
> As always, thanks for commenting and the concrit, either here or on [tumblr](http://1lostone.tumblr.com/)!!


End file.
